Gestapo NERV
by Ai Zhao Dao
Summary: In the near future, a terrorist cult will threaten humanity's existence and the only thing that stands in their way is three young high school students. Chapter 8: Shinji desperate for an energy boost asks Aya for some help, but gets more than he expected
1. Meet Shinji

**  
Gestapo NERV**

A/N: Hey all you eva fans. This is my first fic so I'm sorry if some parts drag or just plain suck. This is something that I just thought of cuz i thought it would be fun to do. Basically it's just the pilots in a SWAT team and the angels turned into a local terrorist cult. Have fun!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

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Chapter 1: Meet Shinji

-In the ruins of a mansion

The sun was shining, the clouds were nice and fluffy, the weather was beautiful, and the gay chirping of the birds completed the peaceful scene. You could call it the perfect day, if you were actually outside. But woe is Shinji. Engulfed in the darkness, trapped with nowhere to go, he felt the pressure mounting. Back pressed against the wall, he slowly peered around the corner. Nothing, at least form what he could tell. He breathed in deep then slowly exhaled trying to keep the noise down to a minimum. He quickly but silently dashed out from his corner aiming his rifle down the dark hallway. All clear.

"Why does it always have to be a dark abandoned place?" Shinji was complaining to himself as he slowly made his way down the hall his sight still concentrated on the crosshair. "Why can't it be like a meadow of wildflowers of something happy like that? These gloomy scenes are gonna make me into one of those super emo kids.

He focused on his senses. The air was filled with tension. An enemy could pop out at any moment to ambush him. If he even let his guard down for a second it could be the end of him. But then again, that would make things more exciting. About halfway down the hall, he heard a creak in the floor and quickly rushed behind an opened door.

"That creak," he thought to himself. "I don't think that was me. It might have been the floors doing that on its own. This place is pretty old (thank you captain obvious). Then again, I should play it safe and listen for now. How boring…"

Shinji listened in for any other signs of movement. For a while he heard nothing. He inspected the room he was in and found nothing suspicions, so he loosened his grip from his rifle. Soon he heard a sound. Was if another creak? No, it couldn't have. He listened in more carefully. It was footsteps!

"Finally," Shinji smirked. "Things are actually somewhere." He peered through the crack between the wall and the door. Still nothing. It was completely dark. Unfortunately, he had dropped his night vision goggles earlier due to an explosion. The thought of it really pissed him off. "Frckin' motion detectors." Luckily that really didn't matter since he remembered that he had his heat sensors with him. Putting them on, he peered through the crack one more time and saw two figures at the source of the foot steps.

"Bingo." Shinji grinned in excitement. He took one last glance to check the positions of the figures. They hadn't moved. Good, this was his perfect chance. Slamming the door open, he dived out into the hallway and rolled to land on his knee. The slam had frozen the guards for about a second, but that was enough time for Shinji to fire a few rounds at them. One guard motioned to shoot at his assailant but was too slow and took a couple hits to the chest. He let out a cry of pain as he fell to the ground. The other fled just in time.

"One down," Shinji thought as he chased after the other man. He turned the corner and ran onto a foyer. To his left he saw a staircase where his target had joined up with a few more of his friends. At his sighting the immediately began pursuing and shooting at him. The sound of gunfire filled the air. Shinji fired back as he ran for cover behind a pillar. He got about two of them but the rest were closing in fast. Bullets ricocheted off the pillar as they shot at him. He fired back without looking and the grunt he heard confirmed he got another one.

"One more left." He dashed out and nailed the last guy right in the face. "Heh, way too easy." All of a sudden he saw something small and round flying towards him. No doubt a grenade. "Aw crap! I didn't even notice that!" The last guard had obviously pulled one out at the last second. In a desperate escape, Shinji dived off the foyer onto the floor below as the explosion sent him further. He rolled as he hit the ground.

"Damn, I almost lost it there." He stood up and brushed himself off. He heard a click behind his head and froze. "Shit," Shinji thought to himself in frustration. "Maybe that last move was a little too rash."

"Put your hands up Shinji," he heard a female voice behind him say.

Shinji just scoffed. "I can't believe I got into this mess in the first place."

-Okay before Shinji gets his head blown off, let's see how all of this got started

--FLASHBACK--

Earlier that month…

-Bus station

Shinji stood to grab his bags from the overhead cubby. He grabbed one of his bags (he had about five of them including the one on his chair) and tried to pull it out. "Crap." It was stuck. He yanked on it a little harder and it came loose, but everything else came flying out. "EEEEK!" The other luggage landed right on the person standing next to him.

"OH SHIT!" Shinji yelled in his mind. "Oh man, I'm really sorry!" he apologized as he began to frantically uncover the victim buried under the mountain of bags. "I didn't mean for that to happen. Here let me help you." Removing the last bag he saw the face of a girl around his age with short brown hair.

"No, don't worry about it, I'm perfectly fine!" the girl said smiling. She took Shinji's hand which he had stretched out to help her up.

"Here, let me get your stuff for you," he offered. He began picking up all the bags on the floor when he realized that all of it was his, except for this one little bag with a print of a chocolate turtle on it that said "Sweet Times." "Wow, that's one pretty kick ass little bag," Shinji thought to himself. He handed the little bag to her.

"Oh, thanks," the girl said as she took her bag. She was a pretty cheerful type. And that smile that she had on, man did that make her cute. Shinji smiled back as he checked if he had everything. May be he could get her number…

"Would ya mind movin' to da side?" Someone from behind was pissed that they were waiting so long for Shinji to move for ever. "Summa us actually got some life dat we gotta get on wid, ya know?"

In a flash, the short- haired girl reached in and pulled out something from her "Sweet Times" bag. It was a gun! And a pretty nice one at that too, gold plated and fully custom. She had it pointed straight at the man's face gangsta style (you know, sideways). "Nigga, I'ma bust a cap in yo' bitch-ass self if you don't shut the hell up!"

"Damn girl!" screamed really bad poser wigger man. "Ya ain't got all damn crazy!"

She got all up in his face and pushed her gun to his temple" Bitch, I KNOW that you did not just say that to me!" She took in a deep breath as if trying to hold herself back. Wigger boy's eyes shot wide open as he started to sweat. "Boy sit yo' punk-ass down!" Shinji was completely frozen, he couldn't believe what he was watching.

"Aight! Aight! It's cool!" wigger boy responded putting his hands up in defeat as he got back in his seat as calmly as he could.

Everyone on the bus just stared at her shocked and terrified at the same time. "Wat choo lookin' at?" the girl snapped as she put her gun away.

"Shit!" Shinji thought to himself. "She's frickin' hardcore! And I thought that bag was suspicious, its way too friggin' cute. But that was still friggin' awesome!" he watched the girl as she straightened herself out.

"Man, that kind of crap really pisses me off." She let out a sigh then looked in Shinji's direction. He felt a like she was gonna rip out his throat or something. But then she smiled. "Hey, wanna go grab a drink with me? I'm pretty thirsty. Here," she began taking some of Shinji's bags.

No way, Shinji was in disbelief but totally wanted to do a happy dance. "Sure!" he smiled back. "That'd be great!"

The girl let out a giggle. "You're a dork. They their made their way out of the bus. That's when Shinji snapped back to reality. The wigger man had a seriously pissed face on.

"Oh, sorry," said Shinji coming to his senses. He quickly moved back to his seat full of his crap along with the girl. The man let out a "hmph" as he walked by. Then he popped his collar and brushed off his shoulder.

"Asshole," the girl grumbled under her breath. Shinji looked at her then just started cracking up. "Oh crap, you didn't hear than did you?" He obviously did since he just kept laughing uncontrollably. "C'mon it wasn't that funny. Shut up already!" She smacked him in the arm before following the end of the line.

"Oh man," Shinji had to wipe some tear from his eyes. "Wow, what a great way to start my day."

She looked at him with a little pissed face. "You know, I was gonna offer my help, but I won't waste my kindness on you."

"Gee… thanks." Shinji grabbed his four or so bags and followed at the end of the line. Then he realized that he wasn't getting anywhere. He was stuck! All his bags wouldn't fit through the aisle. "You piece of crap!" Shinji mumbled in frustration. In attempts to free himself, he pushed and pulled in every direction. You could tell how pissed he was by the massive amount of grunting he was doing.

The brown-haired girl turned around to see what was wrong with him. She shook her head then turned back around. "DAMNIT!" Shinji pushed a little too hard and fell to the ground with a thud, now he was stuck on the floor, now he was really stuck. The girl was about to leave when she heard him hit the ground. She stared back with a little sweat drop. "This is real bullcrap," he thought trying to kick some of the bags off of him.

The girl sighed. "Damn." Her stupid conscious got to her. She made her way back to the flailing Shinji. "You're such a loser." She took some of the bags from him.

Shinji was a little embarrassed. "You know, I thought you weren't going to waste your kindness on me." He smirked and took the rest of the bags.

She just turned around. "Oh, I'm not doing this out of kindness. It's just that you're so pathetic that I had to do this out of pity."

"Aww, how sweet. I guess there are nice people in the world." He was teasing her.

"What ever. OH DAMN, MY EYES!" When they got out of the bus they were greeted with the blinding light of the sun. Everyone squinted in an attempt to shield their eyes. Their eyes still had to adjust to light.

They waited while the driver unloaded all of the luggage from the bus. "So, do you live here or are you just visiting?" Shinji asked casually.

"I'm just coming back from a friend's house. Why do you care?" She was a little suspicious.

"Just trying to start a conversation." Actually, he had an ulterior motive to get her number. He started picking up the rest of his bags on the ground which consisted of two more duffle bags and five suitcases.

Brown-haired girl stared. "And what's your deal? You look like you're moving." She helped Shinji to move his stuff over to a bench.

"Yeah, I'm moving over to my dad's place. I'm getting picked up by someone." He thought about the picture Misato gave him. She was pretty hot.

"Oh, that explains a lot." The sat there on the bench in an awkward silence. She started to play around in her bag a little bit. Shinji glanced over to check if there was a gun in there. Of course there wasn't stupid imagination. He glanced over at the T.V. There was special report on about a terrorist group threatening to attack Tokyo-3.

"What's that all about?" Now he was interested.

"You mean you don't know?" Shinji shook his head. "Man, where have you been? Okay, you see those guys, they call themselves the "Angels.' They're more like a cult than a terrorist group. Everyone thinks they're crazy since all they do is go around talking about purifying the world and crap like that."

Wow, sounds like a genuine cult. The T.V. now showed images of cult members. Shinji listened in. "Years after the capture of two of their leaders they're finally showing that they have had enough. Their increased violence is evidence of their frustration. Earlier this week they not only vandalized the city but left a message in blood."

"Man, these guys sound serious." Shinji continued watching.

"The message was a threat saying that they would soon attack the very area where the message was left. Officials are now advising that residents of downtown Tokyo-3 seek shelter and keep away until the threat is over."

"Do you think they'll actually do it?" Shinji doubted they would do anything major.

"Who knows, they haven't done anything serious for years." She had a serious look on her face.

Shinji didn't like the serious air. He got an idea. "You know, my dad is in charge of some pretty serious stuff. I'll help you out if you're ever in trouble. Think of it as payback." He was trying to break the mood.

She turned her head to face Shinji's smirking face. "Are you seriously trying to hit on me?" It worked, she was laughing, even though it was to make fun of Shinji.

"Hey, I'm just trying to help the ladies."

The girl started to laugh louder. "Are you kidding me! That is one of the lamest lines I've ever heard of. I can't believe that you actually used it!" She continued to laugh more. "Have you even ever had a girlfriend before?"

Ouch. He never really did, but he still kept up with the act. "Why, are you interested?" He gave a little grin.

"Tch, yeah right! I don't even know your name. You don't even know MY name!"

"Yeah, I know how it's kinda weird to be 'like that with' a complete stranger." He gave her a little wink.

"OH MY GOSH! YOU ARE HOPLESS!" She started laughing again.

At that moment a car pulled up in front of them. Both looked up at the car to see what was going on. A girl with pigtails and freckles came running out of the car. Shinji's bench buddy shot up in surprise from her seat when she saw the girl come out of the car. "MANA!" she screamed for joy as she ran towards them.

"HIKARI!" She let out a loud squeal of joy as she ran over to her friend. They ran straight into each other's arms and gave a gigantic hug.

Shinji watched as they caught up with each other. "So, her name's Mana." He studied the two as they caught up with each other. "That other one isn't bad either. Hmm…" He continued watching while deep in thought. The girls were talking excitedly while holding their hands together. It looked like a deep conversation. Shinji wished he could hear what they were saying. Then they hugged again. "Aww…" Shinji thought.

That girl Hikari took a glance at Shinji the started talking with her friend again. "Hey Mana, who's that guy you were talking with. You guy's look like you were best friends and all laughing together. Hey, he doesn't have a bad face either."

"Oh him, he's just some guy from my bus.

Shinji tried to hear what they were saying. He knew that they were talking about him. He saw Hikari whisper something to Mana. They giggled then walked back to where Shinji was. What the hell were they up to?

"Well," Mana said taking her one bag, "It was nice talking to you but I gotta go now. See ya." She waved then headed for the car along with Hikari.

"You know, we should hang out some time," Shinji called out in a last attempt to her number.

Mana turned back around and laughed. "Aw I'm sorry, I thought it would be obvious." Shinji was confused. "Can't you tell? Hikari is my lesbian lover." She pulled the pigtailed girl to her.

Shinji's jaw dropped. "Oh shit that's hot!" Shinji was snapped out of his fantasy by the sound of squealing tires. "Damn, I gotta get my thoughts under control." The two girls were still standing in the same spot but were now looking at this sporty little blue car that came speeding in. Suddenly it started drifting and landed in a perfectly parked spot right next to Hikari's car.

"CRAZY BITCH!" The driver in Hikar's car was almost scared shitless. He was about to go over there and give the driver a piece of his mind when he the driver step out of the car. It was a woman with dark blue hair wearing heels, a navy blue skirt cut an inch above the knees, and some kind of black military jacket. The sunlight was blocked from her eyes by a pair of sleek black plastic rimmed sunglasses. Everyone watched as she walked over to where Shinji was. She ignored the drooling driver and the girls whispering about her.

"Shinji Ikari I presume," she said when she reached Shinji.

"Yeah, that's me. And I guess your Ms. Katsuragi."

The woman took of her shades and smiled. "Correct! I guess you got my picture." Shinji pulled it out from his inside pocket and waved it around. "Well, not that we're acquainted, why don't we get your things." She picked up a couple of the bags before noticing how much stuff Shinji actually had. "Is all this yours?"

Shinji let out an embarrassed laugh, "Yeah, funny story actually..." he was cut off.

"Explain to me later, we have to get you somewhere." Shinji nodded as they stuffed, correction, shoved everything they could in the back of the car. They were about to leave when Shinji remembered something.

He ran over to the girls. "Well Ms. Mana, Ms. Hikari, it was nice meeting you. Thanks for your help." He was acting dumb again on purpose.

Mana played along and with a smile said, "Nice to meet you too, Mr. Shinji Ikari." They shook hands. Shinji offered his hand to Hikari but she just stared at it then Shinji and Mana, thinking about what dorks they were.

He took his hand back. "Well, later." He waved as he ran back to the car. He got into his seat where a bag was already sitting. He buckled up, and with the bag on his lap, Misato started the car and they were off, finally.

"So Shinji, who were those girls that you were just talking to? They were pretty cute," Misato teased.

"Just some girls." Shinji really didn't want to talk about it. He could tell from the picture that once Misato started she wouldn't stop.

"Aw, c'mon! Don't tell me that you didn't have anything going on. Or are you just a regular playa, talkin' it up with the girls?" She was enjoying this. "C'mon, spill it. Did you hit it off? Did you get their numbers?" Shinji refused to talk. Throughout the whole trip Misato kept pressing Shinji. That's why Shinji was relieved when they finally stopped. The building that they were parked in front of was a small building.

"It looks abandoned…" Shinji thought. "Ms. Katsuragi, is this were my dad works?" He asked out of concern.

"You could say that." She entered and Shinji followed. The place was completely empty, except for a desk and chair in the corner where a man was sitting reading a newspaper with his feet propped up on the desk. "Hey Bob," Misato said as he walked past the man. He gave and acknowledging 'Sup Misato.'

Misato walked to the end on the empty building where there was a door and what looked like an empty car garage. She slid a card through a reader by the door and the door dinged open. It was an elevator. Shinji followed in. "Oh yeah, let me warn you," Misato said as the door was closing. "The regular elevator is out of service right now so you might want to brace yourself."

"Huh?" Before Shinji could understand, the door closed with a ding. Instantly the elevator shot down at an incredible speed. Shinji was screamed as he was sent flying to the ceiling, bounced back, and floated in mid-air. Misato was completely unfazed with her feet still attached to the ground. A few seconds later the elevator came to a sudden stop making Shinji slammed against the ceiling, bounce of the floor, then flying out of the elevator landing him head first into trash can. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!" Shinji kicked and screamed trying to free himself from the can.

Misato just chuckled to herself. "I love that thing." The door closed behind her. "I told you to brace yourself." She helped Shinji out of the can. He fixed his clothes then froze as he looked up at an incredible site. He was staring at a huge compound built completely underground. "Shinji, welcome to NERV Headquarters."

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A/N: Yeah, this turned out to be longer than I expected it too. I apologize if you don't like Shinji the ways it is but I just couldn't write a story with a whiny little emo bitch. I know that things are kinda slow now but the more violence will come later. Hopefully the next chapter will introduce us to NERV and the other kids (Rei and Asuka),I have a tendency to write a little too much. 


	2. See Rei and Asuka

**Gestapo NERV**

Chapter 2: See Rei and Asuka

A/N: I would like to clear any confusion that may occur. The thing in the first chapter with Mana being gangsta and a lesbian with Hikari was all of Shinji's imagination. He tends to do that when he goes into deep thought (hint, hint). That's not to say that some of these things might not really happen later. I haven't decided on pairings yet, but Shinji's a player now so we'll have to wait and see what happens. And NERV isn't an evil genocidal gestapo. They're more of the riot police type of gestapo, just wanted to get that clear.

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-NERV Headquarters 

"Welcome to NERV Headquarters Shinji."

He was in total disbelief. Yeah, sure, he was told that his dad was into some pretty serious stuff, but no one said anything about a secret underground base. Shinji leaned against a railing to get a better look at the place. Everywhere he looked something was there to surprise him. In front of him was something that resembled a boot camp. There were soldier like people getting screamed at as they trained their asses off. To his right was a giant armory, or something that looked like it. To his left was a fort like building with a huge wall built around it. And behind him, the elevator that nearly killed him.

"Pretty amazing huh?" Shinji was speechless. "Yep, that elevator is why I wake up every morning." Misato was smiling ear to ear. Shinji gave her a 'shut the fuck up' look. He would have cussed her out but he was still speechless. "I'm just kidding, you don't have to look like you're going to kill me. Why don't I give you a tour, then let's see how you feel." Right on cue a man in a jeep pulled up right next to them. "Get in. First stop, boot camp."

"So it is a boot camp," Shinji said as he jumped in the jeep.

"Not really. It's just where we train everyone. I like to call it boot camp because the instructors are way tougher than any drill sergeant you'll ever find. This is where they also sharpen their close-quarters-combat, or hand-to-hand, skills. Misato continued her explanation as they drove by. As they passed Shinji could see a bunch of sweaty people running around. There were also a few rings in which sparring matches were being held.

"Okay, just what the hell is my dad involved in anyway?" Shinji was confused. Something wasn't right here. Yeah, he knew that it was some kind of secret stuff, which someone failed to mention to him.

"You'll find out soon enough. Right now we're going eastward." They were headed towards the armory looking place. Misato explained that this was the place where they could get in some target practice and field training.

A few minutes later, they were at the other side of the compound and passing by the gigantic fort. There were a whole lot of guards stationed around the gates of the fort. There was a also whole bunch of guard towers set up around the area. And if that wasn't enough, there were security cameras all over the place, snipers in the roof and on top of the gates, and stationary weapons placed everywhere.

"This place here is the most important part of our organization. Here we conduct our research and simulations. But most importantly of all, this is where the captured Angels are locked away and kept in suspended animation."

"Hold on a second, did you just say the Angels? The terrorist Angel cult that I just saw on T.V. planning to attack the city!"

"You got it."

"Ms. Katsuragi, can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead."

"Just what the hell are you people doing! And why did my dad suddenly want me to move here!"

"I told you, all in good time." Shinji let out a pissed 'argh' and then said something like 'stupid prick of a dad.' "I can tell you're excited to see you dad again." Shinji gave a sarcastic laugh. "Don't worry, we only have one last stop." Shinji looked up a saw a blue pyramid.

"What's up with dat?"

"That's the main building. All orders are made there. We also have all our observations, discussions, and all that good stuff held there." The jeep pulled up in front of the pyramid. "This is where we get off," Misato said as she jumped out of the jeep. "Thanks for the ride Mike." She waved to the driver as Shinji got out.

"What are we doing now, sightseeing at the only pyramid is underground Japan?" Shinji said with very little enthusiasm. "I can hardly contain myself."

"I know all of this is so exciting but you have to control yourself." When they entered they entered the place look normal enough, like a lobby to a hotel or something, minus the armed guards. Misato walked up to an elevator and pushed a button to call for it.

Shinji's stomach dropped when he saw the elevator. "Hey, this isn't another one of those messed up elevators is it?" he asked nervously.

"This one? No, the only ones that are like that are for transport to above or below ground." The elevator door opened and the two filed in. Shinji sighed in relief. A few floors down, the elevator stopped and the door opened to let in another passenger. Misato gave an 'urk' sound when she saw who it was. Obviously she didn't want to deal with this particular person at the moment.

"What's with that face Misato?" She stepped into the elevator, uncomfortably close to Misato. "Keep doing that and you're gonna get wrinkles before you're old." It was blonde woman in heels wearing a lab coat over a swimsuit.

"Thanks for the advice Ritsuko. And what's with the bathing suit?" The elevator began moving down again.

-10 minutes earlier

"Hahaha, Commander, getting a hot tub for the executive staff lounge was a great idea." Ritsuko took a sip from the martini that she had in her hand.

"Well, we need some way to relax after saving the world from certain destruction." Gendo inched closer to the blonde.

"Commander, what are you doing?"

"You know, you look a lot like your mo…" Ritsuko's cell phone was ringing.

"Hold on, I need to get this." Bad timing Gendo. "Right, I'll meet them there. Excuse me commander, I need to leave."

Gendo stared as she got out of the hot tub. "Mmm, good proportions," he thought to himself.

-Back to now

"I was swimming." Obvious lie. Noticing Shinji, she turned to talk to him. "You must be Shinji Ikari. I'm Dr. Akagi, head of research."

"Nice to meet you," he responded.

Taking a step back to give him some space Ritsuko smiled. "Well, you're actually more mannered than I've heard."

"Stupid dad must've been whining about me again," Shinji thought. "Ms. Katsuragi, why does my dad want me here anyway?"

The elevator came to a stop and everyone followed Misato out. "He wants to ask you something. It's really important so he wants to talk to you himself. And stop calling me Ms. Katsuragi, you're making me feel old like I'm thirty or something."

Ritsuko shot an angry look at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Thirty is and age when you turn old and miserable. You may think that being older is cool and gives you lots of opportunities, but it's not. You're body starts doing weird things and that alone could drive you crazy. Man, I'm glad I'm not thirty."

"Wow, cuz you know, one year is such a big difference." Ritsuko, brushed off that insult.

Shinji wasn't listening. Adults were so dumb, especially his good for nothing dad. "Ms. Kats…" Misato glared at Shinji. "I mean, um, Miss, um, Misato, do I really have to talk with my dad? He's such and idiot."

"As much as we might all hate him, he's and important for national security. So it's best to just follow what he says." Shinji let out an upset 'oh.'

-Gendo's Office

"So the boy's here." Gendo made a pouty face. "Do I really have to talk with him Fuyutsuki?" Gendo was whining again to his ever loyal right-hand man.

"I already told you yes! You're the one who has to persuade him. He's the only one who can do it." Fuyutsuki was starting to get irritated with all his complaining.

"But what if he says no! What'll I do then! He never listens to anything I say!" Gendo was starting to panic like a high school girl would.

"Pull yourself together commander. They'll be arriving soon. Take a deep breath and then we can go ever to your T.V. room to meet them."

Gendo did as instructed and took a couple of deep breaths. "Ahh, thank you Fuyutsuki. I feel a lot better now. His face became all stern. "Now," he pushed his glasses up. "Let's go get the kid."

-Back with Shinji and co. who just entered a meeting room

"And that's why beer was invented." Misato had just finished a lengthy explanation just to pass time.

"Um, that's nice to know and all, but really, can someone tell me why we're here?"

The two women got serious. "Okay, I guess so." Ritsuko cleared her throat. "I'm sure that on the way over here Misato explained about our role in defense against the Angels. An important part of our organization is the Evangelion project. The Evangelions, or EVA for short, are special suits resulting from research. These suits may look like an ordinary uniform, but really they enhance the wearer's physical and mental abilities many times over."

"Sounds like an RPG power up. Still, what does this have to do with me?" Shinji was growing even more impatient. Right on cue, the back wall of the room lifted up to reveal a row of cases putting various weapons and uniforms on display. In the middle of the new room was a case with the label EVANGELION. Inside was a regular black uniform that Shinji would see SWAT teams wear in movies and on T.V. "Looks like the bat cave…" Shinji was unimpressed.

"The EVAs can't be used by just anyone. They kind of have a mind of their own and the wearer will have to be able to synch with it. If they can't, the wearer will be rejected and could die."

Shinji was a little shocked. How could some clothes just kill someone? "So, you want me to help you pick who gets these things or something. Maybe some of the big sweaty guys running around outside?"

Misato turned to Shinji. "No, actually, we've already discovered suitable people for the EVAs." At that moment the door to the room slid open Shinji's attention was turned to the two people who were walking in. It was two girls who Shinji found to be more than attractive. The first one had short blue hair and red eyes that Shinji couldn't help but stare at. She was wearing combat boots with black military pants and had a white beater for a top. The other had flowing red hair and was wearing a full uniform. The uniformed thing was a real turn on. "Shinji, I'd like to introduce you to out elite, Rei Ayanami, expert of hand-to-hand, and Asuka Langley Soryu, expert in marksmanship." Misato pointed each out. "Not only are they the best, but they're also in charge of the EVAs.

"No way, you mean to say that they fight with the Angels?"

"That's right," said the redhead proudly. "So you're the new recruit and commander's son. You look kinda scrawny."

"ASUKA!" Misato yelled at the girl.

Shinji would let that last bit slide. He can't be mad with a pretty girl, at least one that he just met. "What do you mean 'new recruit?'"

Ritsuko turned to Shinji. "For a long time we have been searching for a match for Unit-01. Not long before today, MAGI found you, Shinji, capable of handling it."

Shinji was taken aback. "What do you mean me?" He looked around the room the check if there were any other Shinji's in the room. Nope, only one guy in the room. "Look, I don't know what this 'Maggie' chick's been smoking but there's no way I could fight those crazy Angel dudes."

"Shinji, we wouldn't have brought you here if we didn't think we would need you help. Yes, Rei and Asuka are both extremely skilled, but the Angels have more power than you can imagine. We're going to need all the strength we can get our hands on." Shinji turned his face away from the women. He had nothing to say.

"Heh, so the new recruit is a coward." The redhead had an evil smirk on. Shinji turned around and glared at her. "Hey, don't give me that look. If you've got enough guts to look at me like that I don't see what the problem is."

"Shinji," a voice said in the room. Shinji looked around and saw a screen. It was his dad. Gendo's face was completely emotionless. The background showed that he was in some weird room with a whole bunch of TVs all over the place and Shinji's face on all of them.

"Dad, so, was it your bright idea to drag me all the way here just to tell me to fight terrorist?" Shinji's hate was building up. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE SUDDENLY WANTING ME BACK IN YOU LIFE AFTER DITCHING ME! AND THEN YOU SUDDENLY HAVE THE GUTS TO ASK ME TO DO SOMETHING SO FRICKIN' INSANE!"

Gendo tried to maintain his composure as his son continued to verbally assault him. The yelling was getting to him. He turned around to hide his face from the camera. "Fuyutsuki what do I do! He won't listen to me!" he whined to one of the screens which now changed to show his advisor.

"Geez, grow a backbone…" Fuyutsuki thought. "Why don't you try to reason why we need him."

"Good idea, thanks professor," he whispered back. Fuyutsuki just sighed. Gendo faced the camera. "Shinji, I wouldn't be asking you it this wasn't important. You haven't…"

"THE HELL YOU WOULDN'T!" Shinji interrupted. "YOU LEFT ME AFTER MOM DIED BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T FIND TIME TO TAKE CARE OF ME! NOW I JUST SEE THAT YOU'RE JUST A MANUPULATIVE ASS!"

Gendo wanted to go hide in a corner. "But…" he was on the verge of breaking out into tears.

"Stay strong sir!" Fuyutsuki was still encouraging him.

Gendo recovered some. "Shinji, I know how well you can use a gun. I'm your father and MAGI also…"

"SHUT UP! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL YOURSELF MY FATHER YOU SELFISH, STUPID EXCUSE FOR…"

"HEY!" Shinji stopped mid-sentence and turned to see the redhead full of rage. "DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO CALL OTHERS SELFISH! HERE YOU ARE BITCHIN' ABOUT HOW DADDY NEVER HUGGED YOU AND YOU REFUSE TO HELP OTHERS BECAUSE OF THAT!" Asuka paused for a second to calm down a little. "Sure, he might be a manipulative bastard, but he's trying to save lives. You, if you can't even get past your personal grudges to keep people from dying then you might as well just go back to where you came from."

Shinji was stunned, most of his anger disappeared. She was right, he might as well be worse than his dad. Someone please help this poor child.

"So Shinji, what will you do?" Misato asked. The others looked on, watching in silence as Shinji stood there. The silence was broken when an alarm started blaring throughout all of NERV. "What's this?"

"Report, a large number of terrorist group members have started moving towards downtown Tokyo-3." A voice over the intercom was speaking. "Members are heavily armed and are show hostile behavior."

"Have the people evacuate the city and head for the shelters," Misato commanded. "Seal up all the buildings and send three teams to the scene."

"Yes Ma'am!" said the man on the intercom.

"Commander Ikari, do you have any futher instructions?" Misato asked as she turned to look at a blank TV screen. "Commander?"

-In TV room

Gendo was crying in the corner of the room. He was hugging his legs and shaking in fear. "Fuyutsuki," Gendo cried. "I tried to get Shinji to work with us, really I did, but..." he paused to wipe the snot off his face. "He just won't listen… to … me… his dad. I even tried act like Rei but that didn't work either. He really hates me doesn't hate me doesn't me?" He continued to wail and cry uncontrollably.

"That's not it sir. He still loves you deep down. He just doesn't realize it. Don't worry, he wouldn't have come here if he really hated you."

Gendo sniffed then looked up at Fuyutsuki. "Really?" He stopped crying.

"Really sir. Now clean yourself up and put your Rei face back on, there's terrorist that need to be taught a lesson."

Gendo wiped his face dry. "Thank you professor, you're always there for me." He put his shades back on and pushed them up. His face once again became all serious.

-Back in the meeting room

The screen turned back on and Gendo's face appeared again. "Captain Katsuragi, have the three standby as backup, it'll be good to let the third see how we work."

"I haven't said that I would be joining you yet," Shinji was still angry.

"Shinji," Gendo started.

"It's okay Commander Ikari." The blue haired girl interrupted. "If he doesn't wish to fight he shouldn't. He would only become a burden. I'm will be fine on my own." Everyone was silent. Shinji didn't know what to do.

"Is that so? Captain, I leave this to you." The screen went blank.

-In TV Room

"Hmm, Rei, you've turned out into quite the young woman…"

"I think the commander spends a little too much time with that girl…" Fuyutsuki shook his head.

-Meeting Room

Rei walked towards the door. "If you excuse me, I have to make preparations." She left the room.

"Tch, fine, we don't need you anyway." Asuka went to follow Rei.

"Well Shinji?" Misato turned to him. Shinji gave no response, he just stood still, facing away from the women. Misato sighed. "If you want to come then come. If not, I understand. We'll try to have you home as soon as possible." He looked at the blank screen then scoffed at it. She walked to the door with Ritsuko following behind. "We shouldn't have sprung this on you so suddenly. Sorry." With that the two women left, leaving Shinji by himself.

He stared at the EVA displayed in the case. "Damnit…"

* * *

**Me: **"Well Shinji, you turned out to be a real ass in this chapter" 

**Shinji: **"Shut the hell up you flat chested little girl"

"I should kick your ass for that"

"I'd like to see you try, and what's up with this chapter? Where's the action? Where's the killing, the humor, the me picking up some girls!"

"Speaking of girls, aren't you lettin two of them just walk into hands of some terrorist?"

"Oh shit! You're right! Don't worry baby, I'll save you!"

"Loser..."

* * *

A/N: Okay, so this chapter wasn't very original, and it still dragged. But the action is finally coming up in the next chapter, woot! That aside, what dya think, I'd like to know what I need to work on. I also just updated this chapter cuz I can't stand all the stupid errors that I made. 


	3. See Rei and Asuka Kick Ass

**Gestapo NERV**

A/N: Hey, whats up! Sorry, that this took a little longer to get up, you can see my excuse on my profile, I'm a little tired to explain right now. Well, anyway, new chapter! Are you excited? What, not really, oh, I see how it is... But who cares! If you can't tell by the title this is the time for our lovely ladies to shine! Oh yeah, if you don't remember, the EVAs are just like regular SWAT fatigues, only they're EVAs. It would be kinda hard for our kiddies to sneak around brightly colored. Plus, I'm afraid if they did Shinji would look like Barney or something... Anyways, enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 3: See Rei and Asuka Kick Ass

"Damnit…" Shinji ran out of the room. He saw that the women weren't too far away. "Ms. Misato!" She turned around to look at the boy running towards her.

"What's wrong? Did you make your decision?" Misato asked when Shinji caught up.

Shinji stood up straight and fixed his hair. "No, I just realized that I would be lost if I didn't have anyone to follow. How could you just leave me alone there like that?"

"Oh yeah," Misato scratched the back of her head. "I forgot about that, oops sorry, heh heh." She continued walking. "Well, whenever you're ready. We're a little busy at the moment so there's no need to rush."

Shinji starred straight ahead as he continued to contemplate.

-In locker room

Rei and Asuka were preparing their equipment, making sure everything was loaded and working properly. "But seriously, can you believe that kid? I mean, most people would jump at the opportunity to wear and EVA, especially that dumb Aida kid at school." Asuka was still pissed at how Shinji was acting.

"It's not the EVA that's the problem, it's the fact that his father is asking him to do it." Rei responded as she put on some Kevlar.

"Tch, stupid rebellious brat." Asuka checked her headset to see if it was working.

"Rei, Asuka," it was Misato on the intercom. "We sortie in five minutes. Gear up and meet me in front of platform 6."

"What about the EVAs?" Asuka asked as she tied her boots.

"No need, you'll just be assisting the other teams."

"Yes Ma'am." With that Misato left them to their business. "Geez, who do they think they are making us backup?" Asuka slammed her locker door and tied up her hair.

"Captain Katsuragi is trying to train some of the newer teams in real situations since simulations are different from reality. We have no need for such experience." Rei put on the rest of her gear.

"Hmph, then what the hell is the purpose of us going?" She checked if the sight on a M1A she grabbed off the rack was aligned. "Why don't they just send some other teams instead of us?"

Rei slipped on her gloves. "The commander isn't confident in the teams when it comes to the Angels."

Asuka headed out the door. "Man this is one messed up organization, sending two high school girls to back up a bunch of buff guys."

-In front of platform 6

Shinji and Misato waited for the two to arrive. Ritsuko had left earlier to go to the command room. The mood was way too serious for Shinji's taste, even if there was a bunch of terrorist about to attack the city. "So, what's with this picture you sent me and the pointing out your cup size?"

Misato smiled at Shinji. "Like it? It's not exactly one of my best, but you can have it."

"You look like you're drunk or something…" Shinji mumbled under his breath as Misato checked the time. "Why would you give this to a teenage boy you don't even know? You know, some guys do weird stuff with pictures." Okay, Shinji didn't know why he said that last part.

Misato turned her head to Shinji. She had a gigantic grin on. "Oooh, so Shinji's a naughty widdle boy! Maybe daddy should see what widdle Shinji does with his free time and high-speed modem."

"HA! Like that prick would do anything!"

Misato let out a fake gasp of horror. "Did widdle Shinji just use a dirty word in front of a lady! Maybe he needs a spanking!" Misato got Shinji in a choke hold and gave him a noogie.

"Aaaah! OW! That hurts!" Shinji struggled to free himself. "Ow, HEY! OW! Ms. Misato! Lemme go! LEMME GO!"

"AHAHAHA! YEAH RIGHT!" She was having too much fun. At that moment the two girls arrived, they just watched as poor Shinji was assaulted.

"Hey Misato, did you drink already?" Asuka opened the door to the platform.

The woman let go of Shinji. "Of course not!" She pointed to the redhead. "And you're supposed to call me Captain when on duty!"

"Whatever 'Captain'." Everyone stepped onto the platform, that is, everyone except Shinji.

"Aren't you gonna come?" Misato asked as she held the door open.

"Huh? You mean I can come?" Shinji's eyes shot open with joy. He loved to watch a good fight, especially if it was in front of his eyes.

"Well, yeah, if I didn't want you here, I would've sent you with Dr. Akagi." Shinji happily jumped in as he let out a little 'woot!'

"Just don't get in the way, okay kid?" Asuka was still kinda pissed of at the sight of Shinji.

"Sure, whatever." Shinji looked around. "Why does the platform look like an elevator?" Shinji thought to himself.

"Maya, prepare to launch!"

"Roger," came a woman's voice through the speakers. "The path is all clear. Launching in 10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5…"

The doors closed with a ding as the count down continued. "Ding?" Shinji was like 'WTF mate?' "...2 …1." The platform shot up at an incredible speed making Shinji smack straight onto the floor with a splat! "SHIT! This isn't a platform, it's one of those fucked up elevators!" Shinji thought as he was being crushed. It suddenly froze for a split second before it started moving again, but this time sideways, crushing Shinji against the wall. Once again, the other passengers of the elevator were unaffected. When they finally came to a halt Shinji slid down the wall then fell flat on the floor.

"Whoops, sorry about that Shinji," Misato apologized. The girls ignored him and headed to an armored car with NERV's symbol on it. "I forgot to warn you about that this time."

Shinji groaned in pain. "Thank you very much…"

Misato chuckled to herself. "C'mon, we can't waste time." She dragged Shinji until he got up on his own. The others were already waiting inside of the truck. Misato jumped in the driver's seat and headed to the scene.

-At the scene

The heavily armed cult members were already assembled in front of the designated area. One of the leaders of the group was giving some kind of inspirational speech as the members fired some rally shots into the air. The enemy had guards placed all around the area, putting it completely in their control. The three NERV teams had just arrived. While the mass of terrorist were still gathered together, NERV teams moved about undetected into their determined positions. Misato and friends arrived not long later a few blocks away from where the terrorist were assembled.

"What's the situation?" Misato was talking on the radio to the other teams.

"All teams are in position. We haven't been noticed yet. All buildings have been sealed up as ordered."

"Good, what do you know about the enemy's plans?"

"We've heard something about blowing up the area, but we haven't seen any explosives or weapons of mass destruction (sorry, I just had to say that)"

"Have your team scope out the area for anything that they could be keeping in reserve. I don't like surprises."

"Yes Ma'am." Our fab four waited in silence for the next report. "Captain, we found no evidence of them having anything close to detrimental. But they seem to be circling around something."

Misato sat up in her seat. "What is it?"

"I'm moving in closer for a better look… Wait is that… Captain, they're holding three hos…!" the rest was drowned out by the sounds of gunfire. "DAMN! We've been spotted!"

Misato groaned as she drove their armored car closer to the scene. "All teams move in, and try to keep the casualties to a minimum!" She was grumbling under her breath. "Stupid inexperienced…" She parked in the lot of a building right next to the source of the gunfire. "Rei, head towards where the west group is positioned. Asuka, standby to assist the advance team. Neither of you move unless absolutely necessary."

"Yes Ma'am!" The two jumped out of the car and ran towards their destinations.

Shinji stared out the window at whatever action he could see. "So, are we really safe here?"

"Why, are you scarred?" Shinji shook his head in a 'not really' kind of way. "Well you really shouldn't, we're out of sight. Besides, this thing has inches thick of armor."

-At Rei's position

The blue haired girl ran to the far side of the building at the end of the street where battle was being held. The two teams had just received their orders and had no time to position themselves before the enemy arrived. While they were still preparing, a large group of Angel members came charging at them. Rei watched as the teams struggle with the large numbers of enemies that overpowered them. They were outnumbered, around 25 against their two teams of 5.

"Hold your ground!" Rei could hear commands being shouted out. The NERV dudes scattered as they took up a defense. One man took cover behind a car as he fired at a couple of guys across the street. With how much he was firing, it didn't take the enemy long to figure out the man's location. "Hey, there he is!" The Angel members fired at the car that the man was using for cover, causing it to explode. Just in time, the man jumped out from behind the car, but he still was caught in the blast. He was lucky to get away with minor injuries.

A couple of the NERV dudes were still stuck in the NERV car. Sprays of bullets bounced off car as the enemy continued their attack. "Damn, we can sit in here forever!" One of the men popped out for a second and just took out five guys who were grouped together. "I'll distract them. Cover me!"

"Hey wait a…!" The man's partner called out as he jumped out and fired at the remaining enemies in the surrounding vicinity. "Argh, can't help it now…" But the plan worked, the enemy concentrated their attacks on the man as he ran across the street, and headed behind a mailbox. Luckily he didn't take any fatal hits. "Now's our chance!" The NERV guys popped out and wipe out their enemy. "Alright!" they screamed in accomplishment.

"Idiots! Why are you celebrating!" Rei heard Misato scream on her headset. Just then, a Molotov cocktail was launched straight at the excited NERV dudes. A fresh batch of terrorists had just arrived in place of the ones that were just taken out.

"Just how many of these guys are there!" One NERV dude was feeling the pressure. "Hey watch out for that…!" Another explosion had gone off.

Rei continued watching with the same blank expression on her face as her allies screamed and ran for cover "Captain Katsuragi, when exactly is 'absolutely necessary'?"

-At Asuka's position

The advance team was going all out when she arrived. "Don't these guys know how to stay out of sight?" She was frustrated with the high level of suckage that she was witnessing. Almost all of the team was in plain sight, I mean, they were just standing right in the middle of the road and diving from side to side just to keep their necks on. What the hell do they think they're doing, fighting the British in line battles? Heck, they were lucky to even still be standing. That aside, they were doing fine in the sense that they were doing their job and keeping their teammates alive.

One of the guys was actually kinda smart and sniping from a distance. He managed to save his comrades countless times. In one incident, the leader of the advance NERV team was moving further in. That was a hasty move, resulting in the terrorist's attention to be drawn to him. "Hey, you little fuck! You must really want to die! GET HIM!" One of the enemies screamed to his companions. As the men raised their guns, a couple of them were hit straight in the head. "SHIT! WHO THE FUCK IS… UAGH!" That yelling terrorist dude was shot repeatedly in the chest by the advance team leader.

"Thanks for the assist." The leader complimented his teammate as they continued to take out more of the baddies. But the sniper's hot streak would only last for so long, you know how snipers always get their moment of glory before they die.

"Take this you fuckin' NERV shit!" A terrorist on the ground had spotted the man on the roof and launched and RPG straight at him.

The sniper guy was so focused on what he was doing that he didn't notice the RPG fired at him until the last second. He jumped out of the way just in the nick of time but the shock knocked him out of commission.

"Oh my gawd, what the hell are they doing!" Asuka had to hold herself back from jumping out and kicking everyone's ass. Everyone as included the NERV dudes, just because they sucked so bad. "Man these guys suck major balls!" As she continued her observations, she noticed in middle of all the trouble was the ring leaders circled around something. "Wha-? What are they guarding?" She looked through her scope for a better look. "Shit, you've gotta be kidding me."

-Back with Shinji and Misato

Misato and Shinji sat there as they listened in on the teams screaming at each other. "Damnit! Cover my back! What the hell are you doing! Fall back, fall back! You're in too deep!"

Misato sighed and rubbed her face. "Why does this sound like there's a war going on?"

"Not very effective are they?" Shinji tried to lighten the mood, but now wasn't exactly a good time. Misato tilted her head towards Shinji and moved her hand from her eyes to reveal a death glare. "I'll shut up now…"

"Misato!" It was Asuka, and she sounded desperate.

"Argh, what now!" Misato was really getting stressed.

"They have hostages!"

"WHAT!" Misato was about to rip the steering wheel off when she shot out of her chair and hit her head on the ceiling. "Ouch… When the hell did this happen!" She rubbed the bump on her head.

"Obviously before we arrived."

"How many are there? And why didn't anyone say anything about this!"

"Three. Two men and a little girl, all unharmed… It seems like they were going to use the hostages for negotiation purposes, but that would be pointless now."

"Grr…We need to get them out before anything happens to them."

-At the little circle of terrorist

Asuka was carefully watching their activity from afar.

"Shit! Where the fuck is that guy!" One of the leaders was shaking with rage.

"Don't worry, it's not like these NERV guys are actually posing any threat." Another one of the guys was trying to keep his cool.

"Yeah, but the plan is kinda ruined." He turned and looked at the hostages who were all huddled together and shaking in fear. He face was filled with fury, the little girl let out a whimper as she buried her face in the chest of one of the guys. "What the fuck do we need with these hostages if we can't even negotiate anymore!"

"He still might have a purpose for them."

"Arrr… TO HELL WITH THAT! I can't stand this bullshit anymore!" He pulled out his gun and pointed it at the hostages.

"NO! PLEASE DON'T!" The men tried cover the little girl in protection as she let out a death defying scream.

Asuka's eyes shot wide open.

-In the NERVmobile

"Oh crap! Misato, they're going to kill them! I'm moving in!"

"Wait Asu-…"

"I'll goes as well," Rei's voice came over the radio.

Misato let out a loud sigh as she sunk back into her seat. "I hate this." Shinji continued to watch.

"Are they going to be okay?"

Misato looked back at him, "Are you kidding me, those two could've took out all those guys in less than five minutes."

-In the heat of the battle

Asuka charged out from her position and took out three Angel men stationed in the middle of the road. "What the hell!" The leader dude who pulled out the gun was saw the redhead beating the crap out of all his men. The enemy's attention completely turned to her. As she made her way to the hostages, she pulled something out from her side-pack and chucked straight ahead at a large group of the Angel members. Just before it hit the ground it exploded and hundreds of little rubber balls shot out from it.

"WHAT THE HELL IS TH… AUGH!" The rubbers balls gave a serious beating to who ever they hit, you know that would have to leave a bruise.

"GET DOWN!" Asuka had to tackle a NERV guy to keep him from getting pounded in by the balls out like his enemies. Most of the enemies were still down and out from the beating, and Asuka made sure that they would be getting back by giving them a face full of lead. Asuka looked over at the NERV guy still on the ground then yanked him up by his collar. "What the hell are you guys doing!" She yelled at the guy.

"Gives us a break, we're doing the best…" The dude realized who he was talking to. "Wait, you're Asuka!"

"Yeah, that's right."

"Oh, forgive us we're new and this is our…" In the distance, Asuka could see that a few more enemies had come to avenge their fallen comrades.

"WATCH IT!" Asuka shoved the guy out of the way just in time as she jumped back. A bunch of bullets just flew past at the spot they were standing. "Damn it! This isn't a good time to be talking casually!" She dashed behind a street light then spun back around and emptied the rest of her clip into the fresh arrivals. One of the enemies guns fired wildly as he fell, and Asuka had to hit the ground to avoid it. "You know what, you guys can just stay out of the way."

"Yes, Ma'am…" He watched as Asuka reloaded then continued her way to the center.

Over where Rei was, the enemy had pushed back most of NERV troops. As if that mattered. In a flash, she dashed out and ran straight into one enemy, taking him by surprise.

"WHAT THE…!" He tried to shoot at her but it was already too late. "HEY, WHA…!" She grabbed his rifle and redirected the fire at the man's own comrades. After he ran out of ammo, Rei punched him straight in the gut, causing him to bend over. "OOF!" She grabbed his head then broke the guy's neck. The man fell to his knees before hitting the ground.

A bullet ricocheted off the street right next to Rei's foot. The girl looked up and spotted more enemies charging towards her. As they continued to shoot at Rei, she ran into an alleyway to lead them away. "After the bitch!" The men chased after her, but when the got into the alley, she was nowhere to be seen. "Where did…" The man never got to finish his sentence. Rei had appeared from above and stomped his head into his body, crushing his spine and instanlty killing him.

The others were in shock, giving the blue-haired girl the chance to really mess them up. She kicked one of the guys against into the wall before grabbing his head and smashing his face in. Another guy tried to shot at her while her back was still turned to him killed his partner instead when Rei ducked out of the way. "Oh fuc…" Rei suddenly jumped towards them and with a quick kick across their faces, sent the remaining guys flying back into the street. While they were still airborne, Rei pulled out her rifle and shot them up before they hit the ground.

-Back in the car

Shinji was in total awe. "Um… is it okay for them to be killing…?"

"Oh those guys aren't dead, they're just unconscious." Shinji was confused. "We don't kill people, we save them." Some of those guys didn't look like they would be getting back up again.

-Back to Asuka

The enemy Angel members were desperately trying to fend off the redhead as she rushed in. "Who the hell is that! Stop her!" One guy threw a grenade straight at her but she caught it in her hand and threw it back at them. "OH SHI…! AAAA!" Their own grenade exploded in their face. "SOMEONE STOP THAT BITCH!" More Angel members appeared with weapons pointed at the redhead. Asuka fired back at her assailants as she flipped over a car for cover. The Angel members fell to the ground as Asuka landed perfectly on her feet. She peered through the car window to check out what was happening.

The one leader turned back to the hostages and once again pointed his weapon at them. Asuka tried to shoot the guy but she was out of ammo. "Shit!" She took the empty magazine and threw it straight at his head as she jumped back over the hood of the car. The guy fell before flat on his back and got back up with a pissed look on his bleeding face. "You little bitch! You'll pay for that!" That bought them some time.

"Damnit Ayanami! Where are you!"

Rei wasn't too far off. Right now, she was preoccupied. She had to keep her allies alive, most of which were disabled. She dashed up to one guy and slammed the butt of her gun straight into the back of his skull, he wouldn't be getting back up for a while. Rei threw that guy's body into some of his comrades a then spun around to face an enemy who was about to open fire on her. She jumped out of the way as bullets whizzed past her face. "Grrr… Stay still you fuck!" The enemies couldn't keep up with the speed at which she was moving. They tried to shoot her as she dashed from side to side but kept missing. For an instant she disappeared from sight. "SHIT! Where did she go!" As the enemies were panicking, she reappeared behind one man immediately shot him in the head.

"GET HER NOW!" She grabbed a knife off the guy she just shot and threw it straight at the throat of another guy who was about to shoot. "DAMN! KILL THE BITCH!" The rest tried to, but once again she disappeared once again causing confusion among her enemies. This time she reappeared right in front of one of the member's face. That last thing the man would see was the gaze of crimson eyes as his gut filled with lead. Rei then turned to blow the last guy's head off.

-In the car

"How about those guys, they look dead to me?" Shinji was pointing to the guys Rei took out. "And what's with the ninja skillz?"

"Okay fine, we might kill a few guys, but they're all bad. Plus, some of these Angels guys aren't exactly human." Misato was getting tired of Shinji.

"Not human…?" If they weren't human, what were Rei and Asuka?

-Back outside

"BITCH!" The man grabbed his bleeding face as he shot at the redhead as she ran towards him. All the bullets hit her directly in the chest, but getting hit didn't matter as long as she had her vest on. "YOU CRAZY… ACK!" Asuka had got a hold of his throat and started to crush it in her hand. He started to gasp for air.

"Is that anyway to treat a girl!" Asuka looked up at him with a crazed look on his face making the man's eyes widened with fear. The surrounding enemies who were guarding the hostages fired at Asuka. She held her captive in front of her as a shield her from the oncoming assault. His body shook violently as it was pelted with bullets until it shook no more. "Heh, idiots, you just killed you own man…" The Angel members stopped shooting and took a step back from the girl. "Here, why don't I give back your friend!" With an evil smile on her face, Asuka tossed the limp body at enemies who froze in horror.

While they were still stunned, she grabbed gun out of one of her enemies' hands as she knocked him out with a punch to the face. She turned around and showered the rest with bullets then turned back to the guy whose gun she took and shot him. Asuka looked around to see she had taken out the rest of the opposing forces. She sighed in relief and released the grip on her gun and her face went back to normal. "This is Asuka, hostages have been successfully rescued," she reported as she looked over at the three shivering people.

"Good job," came Misato's voice. "Wait there for the medical team to arrive then we'll clean this mess up."

"Roger that." She turned to the hostages. "Hey it's alright now." She was trying to calm them down, but they still had fear imprinted on their faces. "Don't worry, it's all over now. We'll get you looked at when…"

"Soryu, look out!" Asuka turned around to see Rei diving at her. As they fell to the ground Rei was hit in the back twice. "AAAAH!" She cried in pain as she was hit.

"AYANAMI!" Asuka saw that she was bleeding. "What!" Her vest should have protected her from the bullets. "Armor piercing bullets!" Luckily the damage wasn't deep. Asuka looked up, face filled with fury. "YOU SON OF A…" She froze in fear when she saw who was attacking them. It was a man wearing a trench coat with the collar popped up to hide his face. "No…"

-In car, again

"Asuka! Rei! What's going on out there!" Back in the armored car, Misato and Shinji missed what happened, they couldn't see from where they were.

"Maybe it's an Angel," Shinji said as he scratched his butt.

"Shinji, I really don't have time for your…"

"It's him! He's here…" Asuka's voice was a little shaky. "It's the third Angel." Misato and Shinji froze as an explosion rang out.

"Damnit! Get those hostages out of there!" Misato screamed into the radio.

"We're trying to! But we're kinda in the middle of fending off the Angel!"

"What the hell are you guys doing! Help them out!" Misato was screaming at the teams.

"We're doing the best we can but… LOOK OUT! AAAAAAAA!" Shinji felt a chill go down his spine with that scream. What the hell were these Angels? Cries for help and screams or pain and death continued to sound on the radio. Misato turned her head to the side and gritted her teeth.

Shinji turned away, he couldn't watch anymore. He faced the back door then lowered his head in respect and stared at the floor. Wait, there was something under the seats, it looked like a box, or something. He went to pick it up.

"Why weren't there any warnings!" She was yelling at the people at NERV HQ. "What're you guys doing over there!"

"We don't know what went wrong. If the Angel was there we should've seen it earlier but we just picked up a reading the moment it appeared." One of the operators (Hyuga) was talking.

"Misato, we can't keep this up for long!" Asuka's voice was growing even more desperate.

"Captain," it was Gendo. "I think it's the boy's turn."

"Commander?" Misato didn't understand. "If you mean Shinji, he's not even equipped to go out there. He can't just face an Angel in his plain clothes!"

"Then give him the EVA."

"Wha-?" A loud bang came from the back. Misato quickly turned around to Shinji who dropped the box he found.

"Sorry, this thing's heavier than I thought. Heh heh." Shinji laughed nervously.

Misato stared at the box. "Commander, don't tell me that's…"

"Evangelion Unit-01." Shinji opened the box and pulled out some S & M crap. Misato stared as she walked over to the box.

"What the hell is this…?" Shinji picked up some edible lotion then dropped it back into the box.

"Huh? It's the EVA!" Gendo didn't know what Shinji was talking about.

"No commander, it's definitely not the EVA." She grabbed some banana flavored panties out of Shinji's hands.

"What are you talking about! I specifically remember putting the EVA in the metal box and then sticking it in the back that car!" Gendo was confused.

Misato looked at the box. It was cardboard. "Um, commander, this is a cardboard box that says 'No Touchy!' on it."

"Uh oh…"

"Commander, don't tell me that you put the wrong box on the car." Fuyutsuki was now talking.

"No! I did put it on there! It has to be there somewhere!"

So Shinji and Misato looked around for another box. Sure enough they spotted the metal box near the front. They pulled it out into the open and saw etched onto the front 'For My Little Shinji, -Daddy.' "Ugh, don't make me sick." They opened the box and saw the EVA inside. Shinji pulled out the black fatigues. He took unfolded it and saw the NERV symbol stitched on the front and EVA Unit-01 on the back.

"But commander, he's never worn it before. We don't even know if he'll synch! And how did that get in here?"

"Eh, details."

-Flashback

"Commander, are you sure about this?" Fuyutsuki was watching his superior as he took EVA Unit-01 from its case.

"Of course I am! It's not like this thing will cause any harm, this thing was made to help us." Gendo stuffed the EVA into a large metallic box.

"That's not what I was talking about, I mean about not telling them that there's an Angel that's going to appear there. Wouldn't it be best if we had the first two children take care of this situation?"

"Well, if Misato really wants the newbies to get some experience, we'll let them. Those two girls would take away their opportunity for this 'experience'." He took some weapons and stuffed them into the box along with the EVA.

"But sir, it's an Angel, they could die!"

"Then that will be a good experience for them." He sat on the box to get it to close. "Plus, if those two girls get into trouble, it would give a Shinji a good chance to make a good impression on them. Then maybe he'll be thanking me for it, heh heh heh…"

Fuyutsuki rolled his eyes as he sighed, "Maybe I should find a new job. He never listens to my advice anyway…"

-End Flashback

"Well, Shinji will you do it?" Shinji stared at the EVA. "Or will you just watch this city get destroyed in front of your eyes?"

-Earlier, back at the scene

Asuka helped Rei up. "It's him… he's here… It's the third Angel." A glowing light around the Angel intensified. "Oh shi…!" An explosion went off right at the spot they were standing. They would've been gone if they didn't rush out at the last second. The two girls were rushing the hostages out of the scene. They had covered them when the explosion went off.

"Damnit! Get those hostages out of there!"

"We're trying to! But we're kinda in the middle of fending off the Angels!" Asuka fired back at the Angel, but it had no effect, the bullets were just deflected by some barrier.

"It's no use," Rei told Asuka as the escaped yet another attack from the Angel. "The Angel's AT-field renders normal weapons useless."

The two continued to run. Asuka huffed. "Misato, we can't keep this up for long!" The Angel set off another explosion. "No need for the EVAs my…!" A blast was just fired at them. The group hit the ground to avoid it. As they quickly got back up Asuka spotted one of NERV's armored cars. "We'll head over there, it should be safe. Misato we're going to…" The sound of another explosion rang in the air. "WAAAAAAH!"

-In armored car

"Asuka! What happened! Asuka! ASUKA!"

* * *

**Me: **"Oooh, the suspense!"

**Shinji: **"OH MY GAWD! WTF MATE!"

"What!"

"YOU KILLED THEM DIDN'T YOU! JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT HOT LIKE THEM!"

"Find out next time in next exciting installment of **_Gestapo NERV_**!"

"FUCK YOU! I DON'T WANT TO WAIT! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HOTTIES! I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T TELL ME!"

"Can't... breathe..! I can't tell you if you're choking me..."

* * *

A/N: Well, how was that for your first real action scene? (the one in the first chapter doesn't count, even though I think that one turned out better) Kick ass or just plain suck ass? I apologize if you couldn't understand some parts. Yeah, bear with me guys, I'm going through some crap right now, and you know how that goes. And man did this take me a while to write, revising, editing, then re-revising. Not only that, but this was like almost twice as long as my first chapter, sorry that it's sooo f-ing long. 


	4. Damsels in Distress

**Gestapo NERV**

A/N: Heeelloooo! Uh, yeah... THE NEXT CHAPTER IS FINALLY UP! WOOT!1317 hits according to the last time I checked! Thanks for reading guys, or at least checking it out, hahaha! I decided that I didn't have the heart to delete the pointless story since I actually spent time to write it... So if you've already read it or don't want to just skip this until you see the next section divider... thing. ENJOI!

* * *

It was a weekday, meaning that the there was school… fun. The author had just entered her home, of course, it was empty. She was always the first one to come home. Okay maybe not all the time but most of the time.

"Ugh, man my back is killing me!" she complained to herself for the 20th time since getting off her bus. "Stupid school, making me carry a 20 pound bag all the way home." She continued to ramble on as she walked up a flight of stairs to her room. Throwing her enormous bag on the ground, she plops down on her bed and lets out a sigh of relief.

"Man, even though it was hot today I'm still sweaty, ew…" She sits up, stares at her wall for a few minutes, then realizes that why she had sat up. "Oh yeah, time for a Z.I.T.S. moment…" (Don't worry, if you don't get that you're perfectly normal, okay actually I would be a little disturbed if you knew what Z.I.T.S. meant… you stalker…) Grabbing a towel, she left the room.

Half an hour later, she reenters all squeaky clean. "Whew, I feel a lot better." Now that she had refreshed herself, she noticed something that she didn't see before. Her room was actually neat… and… organized. She concluded that her mom must have straightened it out before she left for work. Though the author appreciated the fact that her mother had actually taken time out of her busy schedule to clean up after her, she was a bit disturbed that she didn't know where any of her things were. "Oh well, I'll find my crap later. Now I have to do homework… eww…"

Reaching for her backpack, she noticed that there was a neat little stack of papers stuck on her desk. Wondering what it was, the author walked over to see what it was. When she had reached her desk, she briefly skimmed the papers. A gasp of surprise escaped her mouth. " NO WAY! It can't be!" She slowly picked up the stack of papers and stared it down, mouth slightly hanging open. "It's the rough draft of chapter four!"

The author had neglected her writing for such a long time that she had already forgotten that she had already finished the rough draft. "Oh my gosh! I'm sorry I neglected you for so long." She was talking to a stack of papers… lifeless, inanimate, pieces of papers. "Say," she continued, "Why don't we make up for lost time and you let me edit a few parts, how's that sound?" There was no response… mostly because of the fact that she was talking to a freakin' stack of papers. "What? Don't you want me to make some revisions?" Still, no response. "Oh, c'mon, please?" Nothing. The silence was starting to disturb the young author. Maybe she didn't notice but paper can't talk and she was still home alone. "Hey…" her voice was shaky, her body was trembling, and her eyes were getting watery. "I know that I've ignored you for a while but that doesn't mean that we can't get along anymore, right?" The papers said nothing, because a piece of paper can't talk, but that obviously wasn't very apparent to the poor little author.

"Why…" The author lowered her head in a defeated manner. "WHY WON'T YOU LET ME WORK WITH YOU!" The teenage girl had suddenly burst into tears and tightly hugged the papers to her chest. "PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU! I DON'T CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES!" She had sniffed for dramatic effect, making her sound even more pathetic. "I promise you, I will give every minute of my spare time to bring you to perfection. So," Feeling that she it was safe to look the papers in the… um… 'face', she held it out and stared with watery eyes. "How 'bout it?" Though she thought she had made a reasonable impact on the paper's view, it still said nothing, because it was paper.

Crushed by the paper's cold attitude, the author completely lost herself and became super emo. The pieces of paper slipped out of her hands and slowly drifted to the floor. "No…" She fell to her knees in defeat, her head lowered. "I… I… I don't… know…" What would she do now that she had been rejected… by a frickin' PIECE of PAPER! "Maybe I should just give up…" Just when she was about to lose all hope, a miracle happened!

Out of nowhere, a pink blur had zoomed into her room and jumped onto her desk. Wondering what was going on, the author slowly lifted her head and spotted the pink mass of… um… pink on her desk. The author's jaw fell open, she was in total disbelief.

"Ah… Nnh… Ghh…!" Her mood had completely changed from super Shinji emo to a "No Fucking Way!" state shock. In fact, as you can see, she was in so much shock that she couldn't even talk. Hey! Just like paper! "Ah… lets see," the author had gotten her voice back and was starting to examine the pink thingy. "Hmm… pink… a puffball… stands 8 inches tall… has little oval blush thingies… pink… the most adorable thing you'll ever find… and pink… There's no mistaking it, this thing is Kirby…" She sat on the ground nodding her head with her arms crossed. "OH MY GOSH! IT'S KIRBY!" The author slammed her hands on the floor in excitement when it had finally sunk in.

The little puffball smiled and made one of its cute little sounds. At that moment, the author had drifted off into world of bliss. "I think I've died and gone to heaven! Or, I'm dreaming…" Just to make sure she wasn't dreaming, she shot up, pulled her knife from out of her desk drawer and stabbed herself in the arm. Blood started to flow out of the wound. "Hmm, no pain… Damn! I am dreaming!" Yeah, that might've been true, but there was still blood dripping all over her carpet. "Whatever, it's a dream… Wait what am I doing! Kirby is right in front of my face!" The author stuck her face right in front of Kirby. "Hmm…" Her eyes narrowed, then a gigantic smile spread across her tiny face.

"YAY!" She jumped up and down like a stupid little girl. "KIRBY! KIRBY! KIRBY!" The adorable little puffball just started to sway back and forth. The author stop jumping then sat down on her bed. "Okay, okay, I think I'm good now… No I'm not!" She let out one final squeal before slapping herself in the face to calm down. "Alright, so Kirby, what brings you to my dreams?" asked the author, beaming with joy.

"Ahh, poiyo…" was the response.

"I see, you would like to be my shrink. Well, go ahead!"

"POI!" The puffball leapt onto the author's head then grabbed her glasses, put them on his own face, then leapt back to the desk. The author stacked up a few pillows to lay down on. Kirby grabbed a pen and notepad from the desk and then sat down on a chemistry book.

"Poiyo poi poi poi?"

"My day? Well, school was a drag, like always, but I still got in my regular naps in each class so I guess that was okay. After that, I had to walk home again with my frickin' heavy bag breaking my back, but that's normal so I don't care about that. And then, for some reason, I remember getting really depressed."

"Poiyo poiyo poiyo poi poi yo poi?"

"Why? Lemme think… Oh yeah, my 4th chapter didn't want me to be its author anymore…"

"Poiyo poiyo poiyo poi poi yo poi?"

"I guess I'm mostly to blame in this situation. To be frank, I've been neglecting my duties as the author of the story."

"Poi?"

"Well, I've really felt lazy these past couple of weeks, I think it's the final's getting to me. It's not just that but all these ceremonies are kicking my butt. Sure, it's fun to feel special and get free food, but I don't get anytime to work on any of my projects or do my homework."

"Poiyo?"

"Yes! It's true! You can ask anyone in my class if I've had to copy homework from them recently."

"Poi yo?"

"Well, yeah, it is cheating… just don't tell my parents… or any of my teachers… you know what, just don't tell anyone."

"Poi yo poi."

"Oh really, only I can understand you? Well then I feel special!"

"Poi…"

"Hey, that's mean!"

"Poiyo yo."

"Eh… you really think that I should?"

"Poi!"

"Okay, if you insist… I'll make sure to not take my daily nap until I get my homework and studying done. Then, if I have still have time, I'll work on the story, how's that sound?"

"POIYO!"

"Ha ha ha, I think so too." The author got up from the bed and walked over to Kirby. "Thank you Kirby!" She paused for a second. "Um, can I get a hug?"

"Poi!" The little pink ball jumped into the laughing author's arms. She squeezed him tight.

"Hey, can I have my glasses back now?" She asked as she grabbed for them, but Kirby slipped out of her arms and started flying around her room. "Hey, I can't reach up there I'm too short!" Kirby just ignored her and kept flying around. "Please Kirby? If you come down here, I'll give you a kiss." Upon hearing this, the little puffball flung the glasses at the author and plopped down onto her dresser. "Yay!" She turned to the puffball. "As for your reward…" The girl leaned in close to the puffball then pulled out a Hershey Kiss off of her dresser and held it up. "Here you go!" The little puffball danced around happily then ate the chocolate. "Aw, you're so cute! Here take them all!" The author picked up the rest of the Hershey Kisses and handed them over little Kirby. The puffball immediately ate them all then started to dance again. "This… is the happiest day… of my life!" She sniffed then wiped a tear from her eye with a bloody hand.

"Blood?" With a start, the author woke up. She immediately pinched her nose with her hand and sighed. "Yet another bloody nose to wake me from my awesome dreams," she grumbled. "Man, I wish that was real." The author sat up and reached over to grab the toilet paper on her drawer. As she ripped off a few squares, she noticed that something felt out of place. "Hmm, something's missing…" Studying carefully, she saw that all her Hershey Kisses were gone. "What?" She jumped off her bed and ran up to her desk. Looking down on the floor, she saw the scattered pages of Chapter 4's rough draft. "This could only mean… YAY! I REALLY DID MEET KIRBY! WHOO HOO!" She continued to laugh and dance around, believing that the dream was real.

-1 hour earlier

"Hey Z," the author's older brother said as he entered her room. "Whoops," he spotted his drooling sister sprawled out all over her bed. "Looks like she taking her nap." He looked around with shifty eyes to check if anyone was watching. He crept over to her dresser, eyeing the chocolate. "I'll just take these," he said as he shoved them into his pocket then carefully made his way to the door.

"FAGGOT!" screamed the author.

"WAH!" screamed the boy in fear. "It wasn't me!" He ran out of the room and into his own.

"CLOSE THE FUCKING DOOR WHEN YOU LEAVE THE ROOM! GOSH!"

"YES SIR!" The boy quickly ran back and slammed the door shut, then went back to his room. The slamming door had made a little wind that blew the stack of papers off the desk. "And I want more marshmallows… Mmm…" The author was talking in her sleep. Sadly, this is what she would have told her brother had she had been awake.

* * *

**Gestapo NERV**

A/N: For this chapter I would like to thank my headbanger music to help me choreograph this little scene, my computer for not dying on me, and especially all of you readers and reviewers! YOU GUYS ROCK MY SOCKS!

Chapter 4: Damsels in Distress

"Asuka, what happened? Asuka! ASUKA!"

Back outside, Asuka and Rei stood with the hostages in front of what used to be a NERV armored car. Scraps of metal lay scattered across the ground.

"Aaaaaaah! Nooooo! I can't believe he just did that!" Asuka screamed as she furiously scratched the back of her head. She was looking at the car's remains. She whipped her head around and looked straight at the Angel with fiery eyes of rage. "You jerk! Just when I get an idea you have to go and ruin it don't cha!"

The Angel took a few more steps before he finally stopped just a few meters away. The hostages clung onto Rei, shaking uncontrollably. All was silent except for the crackling of the fire in the background. "Ayanami, get ready." Asuka whispered to the girl as she took a step in front of her and the others. The red head stared her opponent straight in the eye. "What, think you're so tough just because you're an Angel?" she said with a grin. The Angel stood still, wind rustling his tattered trench coat, showing total apathy. Asuka started to tense up. "Man, this guy really gives me a bad feeling," she thought as she watched the Angel just stand there, completely still. "Well guess what, you don't scare me." She motioned to Rei who at once grabbed the hostages and took off.

They made a mad dash in another attempt to escape. Taken by surprise, the Angel hastily shot another blast straight at the fleeing four. Luckily, it just barely missed by a few inches, and flew past them straight into one of the nearby buildings. A crack began to run down the building's side as it began to crumble before the destructive power of the Angel's blast. Fragments of concrete shattered as they hit the ground. It would've been the end our escapees if they even stopped for a second to take a look back.

The Angel looked on as they dodged this way and that to avoid the getting hit by to rubble. He began glowing again and was starting to prepare for another attack when he was distracted by bullets that bounced off of him. He turned his head to see the redhead pointing her rifle at him. "Hey!" she called out. "You're fight is with me!"

-Back in the van

"Shinji, don't you see what's happening out there! Are you just going to let this go on!" Misato was freaking out, she didn't want to lose any more of her men or be responsible for the loss of the innocent hostages' lives.

"Shinji, the power of the EVA can prevent the destruction of cities such as this, and maybe even the world. But that is only if you decide to use that power." Gendo was trying to be a persuasive factor.

"You know dad," said Shinji with an extremely bitter and cold tone. "If you're trying to sound cool it's not working, so you might as well just shut up right now." The sound of whimpering and whining came through the radio followed by the comforts of Fuyutsuki.

Another explosion set of by the Angel shook the ground and caused the two to lose their footing inside of the NERVmobile (I'm going to call it that from now on) as it shook violently.

"Shinji!" Misato screamed at the boy.

"Alright! Alright! I'll do it!" Shinji said as he shielded himself from the woman's rage. "Geez, it's not like I was just gonna let a whole bunch of people just die then get my own ass fried by this Angel dude." Shinji was mumbling under his breath as he pulled out the... um... EVA stuff. He stared at it for a minute, then turned to Misato and said, "So, all I gotta do is wear this, huh?"

"Yep," was her reply.

"So I guess I gotta put these EVA clothes thingies on, huh?" Shinji asked as he looked back at the EVA.

"Yep," was the reply.

"If I'm going to wear this that means that I gotta get out of the clothes that I'm wearing now, huh?" Shinji asked looking back at the woman.

"Yep," was the woman's reply. The woman was starting to get annoyed, and that is a true statement my friend.

"And if I have to get out of my clothes that means that I'm going to take my clothes off, huh?" Shinji asked as he looked at his shirt.

"Yep," said Misato who had a vein popping out of her forehead.

"And taking my clothes off means that I'm going to be showing off some skin, huh?" Shinji asked as he looked back over again at Misato who was glaring at the wall, for her gaze could strike a man dead if she so wished.

"Yes, Shinji...," said the woman even more annoyed, yeah, and you could tell since she said 'yes' instead of 'yep.

"And showing off skin actually means naked, huh?" Shinji asked looking at the EVA.

"Oh for crying out loud! If you want me to turn around while you change just freakin' say so!" Shinji nodded in a way kinda saying that he would very much appreciate if she did. Misato sighed heavily as she walked to the front of the NERVmobile and plopped down into the driver's seat. "Geez, go ahead a waste valuable time just because you're such a prude. Can't even..." Misato continue to ramble on as Shinji stripped and tried to figure out what the heck the spandex suit (Gestapo NERV version of the plug suit) was for.

"Hmm..." Shinji pondered at what it could possibly be used for. "Yeah, I probably have to wear this thing, but why the hell is it spandex?" Shinji thought to himself as he stretched the stretchy spandex. "What the hell is it supposed to do? Crush my balls?"

"Hey, are you done yet?" Misato called back.

"NO! Don't look back here yet!" Shinji yelled as he covered his vitals with the spandex suit.

Misato scoffed and sunk into her seat. "Geez, what's wrong, don't know how to dress yourself?"

"No! I just don't know what the crap this thing is!"

"What thing?"

"This thing!" Shinji waved around the spandex.

"Lemme see." Misato turned around to see the 'thing' that Shinji was talking about, and of course Shinji still didn't have anything on yet, so Misato saw more Shinji in one day than one person would like. "Hey, why aren't you dressed yet?" Of course Misato, being Misato, wasn't really fazed by this.

"GAH! WHY ARE YOU LOOKING?" Shinji covered up his stuff with his hands.

"What? I wanted to know what thing you were talking about." Misato said casually, slouched over her seat.

"Whatever, just tell me what the crap do I do with this?" Shinji pointed to the spandex suit which was know used to shield of the poor eyes of anyone whose gaze would somehow wander to that particular spot.

"Your peter?" Misato asked.

"NO! THIS STRETCHY THINGY!" Shinji once again pointed to the spandex thingy covering his crotch-al area.

"Your thingy is stretchy down there?" Misato asked.

"Okay Ms. Misato, now you're just doing this on purpose."

-Back outside

"C'mon! Bring it!" yelled the German to aggravate the Angel. That did it, Asuka's provoking finally got to him. He took a step back into a stance and raised his fists by his face. He lifted his front knee to his chest as he reached back his arm, looking as if he was about to throw a pitch. "What's he doing now?" Asuka thought as she put her finger on the trigger, preparing for anything. The Angel took a huge step forward, and swung his arm forward. As the Angel's arm came forward, it began to stretch like rubber, and the arm shot forward, straight towards Asuka. Surprised by the freakishness of this, Asuka watched, frozen as the arm came closer. "Shit!" Snapping out of her state of shock, she immediately dived to the left out of the Angel's reach. She quickly retaliated by sending a good number of rounds at the Angel, but she had only managed to put a few holes in his trench coat when he ducked out of harm's way. "Damn, this guy's fast!" Asuka growled to herself. "Even if I did hit him, the bullets would have just bounced of his AT-field anyway."

The redhead prepared for another attack. Eyes filled with fury and teeth bared, she once again aimed her rifle at the Angel. Before she could even pull back the trigger, her target had dashed towards her. In the blink of an eye, the Angel had appeared right in front Asuka. The girl let out a gasp as she squeezed the trigger. The Angel had already anticipated the girl's reaction and promptly sprung forward into the air. Being that the Angel was moving so incredibly fast, Asuka was completely unaware that the Angel was directly above her and continued to shoot forwards at an imaginary target. From behind, Asuka heard the Angel land with a thud. She tried to turn around, but it was already too late. The Angel had already snuck up behind her while her back was still turned and had only turned around to catch a back fist straight to her face. Asuka was sent flying down the street a couple of blocks down. With a heavy thud, the girl crashed into the pavement. She lay completely motionless with her face to the ground. The Angel walked up next to the motionless body of his defeated opponent. She was unconscious and would no longer pose a threat to him.

Now that that distraction was out of the way, the Angel could proceed to finish off his initial targets. He searched the area, looking up and down the streets. Finally spotting the group who were still on the run, he chased after them, and in a flash, had already caught up. The Angel skidded to a stop right in front of them. The four instantly screeched to a halt. The men gasped and the girl let out a screech and crouched to the ground with arms covering her head.

The Angel pulled back his arm and swung a punch out at them. Rei immediately stepped forward and caught the fist in her hand. "Run!" She screamed back to the hostages as she struggled to keep her hold on the Angel. But they were still petrified. "GO!" This time they actually snapped out of their daze and pulled the girl to her feet and managed to get away, for now.

Distracted by her concern for the hostages, the Angel managed to free himself from the girl's grasp and swung a punch towards the blue haired girl. Whipping her head around, she saw the punch and quickly let go of the Angel and back flipped to avoid being hit. As she landed, she raised her gun to her waist and fired at her opponent, but the bullets bounced off the AT-field. Annoyed by such futile resistance, the Angel quickly dashed up to his opponent as bullets continued to bounce off him. In a flash, he had shattered the gun in Rei's hands into pieces with a simple swing of his left hand and then threw out a punch directly to Rei's face. The blow had sent her flying backwards and hit the ground and continued to skid backwards on her back. Coming to a stop, Rei at once sprung back up onto her feet and took a fighting stance.

-In Armored Car

"Alright, now that we got that hard part out of the way," Misato said as she brushed some lint off of EVA Unit -01, "Let's see what we're up against." She pulled out a laptop from a compartment in the back off the NERVmobile and started it up. "Hyuga, send me the stats on this guy."

"What guy?" Came Hyuga over the com. "If you mean Shinji he's..."

"Not him!" Misato rudely interrupted. "I don't give a crap about Shinji!" Little Shinji slumped over and sniffed. "I want to know about this Angel guy that we're fighting."

"Oh, that guy," said Hyuga. "You know, you guys need to be more specific. I mean, people get confused and all."

"Who? Us?" Came the voices of Maya and Shigeru.

"No!" yelled an aggravated Hyuga. "Misato and Shinji! Why would I be talking with you?"

"Maybe it's because we work with you," Shigeru retorted.

"Hmm, good point," said Hyuga.

"Dude, can't we just get back to the story." Shinji complained to the author.

"You know what Shinji," came a voice from nowhere. "The author will do whatever the crap she wants to do. So you listen to the author cuz she controls you... bitch!"

"You wanna bet?" Shinji challenged the author.

"Yeah!" answered the voice from nowhere. All of a sudden an invisible hand just backhanded the boy.

"OW!" Shinji screamed when the invisible hand made contact with his face.

"Y QUÉ!" yelled the voice from nowhere in triumph.

"Stupid Mexican..." Shinji said rubbing his cheek.

"I AIN'T MEXICAN!" yelled the voice from nowhere in anger.

"Okay, whatever, can we just get back to the story?"

"Hyuga, the stats," said Misato, getting us back on track.

"Right," said the operative. "Third Angel, Sachiel. Appears to take the form of a human male. Being an Angel, he has incredible physical abilities. Not only that but he can form high energy and shoot them as projectiles or trigger incredible explosions at will."

"Tell me something that I don't know," Misato said as she looked at the laptop screen. Shinji peered over her shoulder to get a better view.

"Sorry, that's all we could get from our observations so far," Hyuga apologized.

Misato sighed. "Get me a visual."

"Roger, starting satellite link up." Instantly, Images of the city popped up on the laptop's screen showing the damage the Angel had done to the city and the NERV personnel.

"Man, that's really bad, isn't it?" Shinji said when he saw an image some NERV dudes laying all over the road.

Misato slowly turned her head and gave Shinji a funny look. Shinji turned his head and starting whistling, pretending to look like he wasn't being stupid. "Maya, what about Asuka and Rei?" The camera panned around until it showed the redhead lying on the ground. "What! Asuka was beaten already! How is she?"

The camera zoomed in to girl; you could see that she was breathing normally. "Nothing serious. She's just knocked unconscious." Maya reported.

"And Rei?"

The screen flashed to Rei who was standing in a stance, with the three hostages escaping in the background. The Angel could be seen standing completely still with trench coat slowly waving in the wind. "Rei is currently engaged with the enemy."

"Damn, seeing how fast Asuka got beat, I don't think that Rei can last long," Misato said lightly as she stared intensely at the screen. "Shinji," she whipped around and looked at the boy. "Get ready!"

-Back Outside

Seeing Rei's offensive, the Angel ran towards the girl who responded by doing the same. As they neared each other, the Angel jumped forward at Rei with his leg extended in a flying side kick. Rei quickly side stepped the attack and returned it by leaping in the air and delivering a knee to the Angel's gut as he was still in the middle of his kick. The two stayed suspended in mid-air, Rei with her knee still drawn upwards and the Angel falling backwards. For a second, it seemed like the Angel was out, but he recovered and swung his legs over his head landed on his feet. The two touched back down at the same time with one knee to the ground. They sprung towards each other, Rei with one leg pulled back and Sachiel with a clenched fist by his face.

The Angel mad the first move with a reverse punch directed to Rei's chest, but she grabbed the wrist of the Angel's extended arm and pulled it to the side to open him up. She then came in with roundhouse from her pulled back leg and aimed for the Angel's head. With his free hand, the Angel caught Rei by the ankle just as her foot was about to connect with his face. He then freed his captured hand and once again formed it into a fist. Using the leg he had his hand on, he pulled the girl towards him as he threw another punch to Rei's face. She tried to duck out of the way but the punch connected with her temple. Rei was sent flying to the ground once again but immediately got back up and took her stance. She was already starting to breathe heavily and was dizzy from the hits she had taken. A trickle of blood had started flowing over her left eye and dripped off from the side of her chin. It was blurring her vision, so Rei wiped it off with her the back of her hand and got ready for another round.

-In NERVmobile

"Hey, Ms. Misato," Shinji called out.

"Hmm?" was Misato's reply. She was busy setting up some equipment that Shinji was unfamiliar with.

"I don't have to fight that thing with my bare hands, do I?"

"No, not if you don't want to. Here, take this." She tossed a handgun to him.

Shinji caught it and stared at it in his hands. "Is this it?" It was a regular NERV issued Glock. He pulled out the clip and looked at the bullets. "Please tell me that this thing is loaded with some kind of special ammo."

"Don't worry, you should be able to penetrate the Angel's AT-field."

"Is this really all that I'm going to get?"

"If you don't like that you can take this too." Without turning around she threw a knife at him that just whizzed by his face and stuck to the side of the NERVmobile.

One of Shinji's eyes widened. "That... almost... hit me..." he said a bit shaken.

"What?" Misato turned around and looked at Shinji. "Oh, sorry." She walked over to him with a box full of junk in her hand then set down on one of the benches. She pulled out the knife and stuck it in Shinji's hand. "Okay Shinji, I need you to stand right here." She pointed to middle of the NERVmobile.

Shinji obeyed. "Okay, now what."

"Just stand there." Misato pulled out some wires from her box-o-stuff and attached it to Shinji and her laptop. "Alright," Misato said standing next to Shinji as she looked at the laptop. "Let's start this thing up."

"Roger, starting all nerve connections," came Maya's voice. At that moment, different colored lights began to light up and run across the EVA.

"Ooooh, that's pretty..." Shinji thought to himself as he watched the lights. He really is an idiot. "Hey! You made me this way!" Shinji shouted to the author.

"Disabling all safety locks." A beep sounded from the laptop. "Connecting all mutual lines. Sync rate is 40.1 and rising," said Hyuga.

"Incredible, he can already sync this well without having any training," Misato thought to herself. "It must be in the blood... or something like that."

"All components are functioning properly. Evangelion Unit-01 is ready to launch!"

"Alright! Shinji, show them what we're made of!"

-Back Outside

Rei stood firmly, waiting for the Angel to make the first move. The Angel stepped in with a sidekick that Rei sidestepped then followed up with a spinning back fist which Rei blocked just before he thrust his foot straight at her stomach. But before it reached her, Rei knocked the Angel's leg to the side, throwing him off balance. She used this opportunity to unleash a combo of her own, starting with a sidekick to the Angel's head that made him stagger backwards the followed by a jump spin round hook to the face (kinda looks like tatsumaki senpyukaku/hurricane kick from Street Fighter), and then followed by a roundhouse . As the Angel stumbled backwards, Rei stepped in with a sidekick directed to the Angel's head.

Sachiel had quickly recovered and caught Rei's foot just in time. The girl tried to shake herself loose but it just wasn't happening. She then attempted to land a roundhouse to the Angel's face with the foot that was planted to the ground, but the Angel just simply leaned out of the way. When Rei's touched back to the ground the Angel threw the girl's foot upwards, flipping her into the air. She landed heavily back onto the ground, knocking the wind out of her. She was starting to wheeze. Looking up from the ground, Rei saw that the Angel had raised one of his legs above his head. With a gasp, Rei immediately rolled to the side as the Angel's heel came down upon the very spot where she lay, making a small pot hole in the road.

The blue haired girl slowly started to stand back up. Her body trembled from exhaustion and pain. She wiped the blood dripping into her eye again as she panted for air. This wasn't good, she was almost worn out and every hit she had landed on the Angel had no effect since he was protected by the AT-field. For the last time, they would break into a hand-to-hand clash. Rei's body couldn't take anymore blows from the massive strength of the Angel. All she could do now was hope that she had given the hostages enough time to reach safety. In a last effort, the girl ran towards the Angel. Sachiel watched as his opponent approached him. As she neared, she drew her knife from her belt and lunged towards the Angel with a stab. She missed but she wouldn't let that discourage her. She stubbornly continued to slash at him though he could easily dodge all of her attacks since her movements had drastically slowed down.

Feeling that he had already wasted enough time with the girl, he decided to end this fight. Rei slashed for the Angel's throat but missed. With that he grabbed her by the wrist. He increased his grip and forced the girl to release the knife with a cry of pain. With a quick jerk, the Angel pulled Rei towards him and used his other hand to grab the girl's shoulder and push it as he pulled her wrist back. Rei fell to one knee and screamed in pain. He could've dislocated her shoulder if he wanted to, but that would be gross so Sachiel just decided to finish her off with a less gruesome method. So, with a swift kick across Rei's face, he sent her flying back again. The Angel glowed intensely with light as he set off an explosion that completely engulfed Rei. The sound of the blast covered up any screams that the girl let out. Rei was sent flying forward and landed face down on the ground.

The Angel approached Rei as she lay as a sprawled out mess on the road. He stood in front of his opponent. She was defeated, covered with blood and burns. Rei had no more strength left in her. She couldn't even lift her head to see what the Angel was going to do. She could barely even keep herself from passing out. The Angel reached down and picked up the half-conscious girl by her hair. Though her vision was almost entirely blurred and impaired by blood, she could see the Angel pulling back his arm and forming his hand into a fist.

Rei's gasps of pain had intensified and quickened. She tried to lift her arm but she couldn't move anything, not even a finger. The girl gasped for her last breaths of air as the Angel began to glow and shot his fist towards her face. That was it, Rei couldn't do anything to stop him anymore, and that could've been the end, but it wasn't. Miraculously, a figure appeared out of nowhere and knocked out the Angel with a punch straight to the face at the last possible second. It was Shinji!

The Angel's grip on Rei was released as he was sent flying towards a nearby building and crashed straight into the wall, he wouldn't be getting up for a while. Shinji had caught Rei just before she hit the ground. "Don't worry, I got you," Shinji softly told the girl when he had caught her.

As she was held in the boy's arms, she felt comforted by his warmth. "Have I... been saved?" Rei had already prepared to meet her death.

Shinji gently laid her on the ground. Rei looked up to see who it was, but couldn't make out much. Her eyes were almost completely shut and the blood didn't help either. "A boy..." she thought. "Around my age. Short brown hair... Who could this be...?" She tried to recall anyone of that description that she knew, but it was difficult for her to think in her condition.

"You take rest now," said Shinji. "I'll take care of this." Rei noticed that the boy's lips were moving. Though she could distinctly hear his voice, she couldn't make out the words that he was saying, but his soft and gentle tone gave her an idea of what he was saying.

A slight sound of rumbling could be heard. Shinji turned around to see what was making this sound and saw the Angel had risen from a pile of rubble that he had been buried underneath of. The Angel completely ignored the two of them and ran in the direction of the escaping hostages. "Crap!" Shinji thought to himself as he stood up. He looked back down at Rei, "Hey, don't go dying on me okay? I'm going to get this guy back for what he did to you guys."

Rei saw the boy stand up as he said his final words and then departed. "I guess... I should be grateful..." With the last of her strength, she watched the boy as he disappeared from sight.

With inhuman speed, Shinji had already come in close behind to the Angel who was just about to attack the hostages on the run. Hearing the Angel the footsteps of the approaching Angel, the hostages turned around. Seeing the Angel glowing, the men quickened their pace. The Angel set an explosion off at the building right next to them, causing pieces of concrete to fall upon them. The two men ran for their lives, but the little girl was left behind. She was too scared to move. Tears flowed from her eyes as she stared up at the large pieces of the building that were about to fall on her. Just as she was about to be crushed, Shinji had appeared and shattered the concrete pieces with his fist, holding the girl close to him to cover her from the debris that continued to fall upon them.

The girl trembled in Shinji's arms. "Hey, you okay? It's over now," Shinji comforted her after few last pieces hit the ground. The girl looked up at Shinji with watery eyes then threw her arms around his waist, startling him a little, but then placed his hand on her head. All of a sudden, the Angel appeared right in front of them with a fist pulled back by his head. Shinji's eyes shot wide open. "WATCH OUT!" Shinji screamed as the girl turned around. Just as the Angel's fist was about to hit the girl, Shinji shoved her out of the way and took the hit, getting the wind knocked out of him. The Angel decided to turn his attention to yet another annoying little brat. "I'm not a little brat!" screamed Shinji to the narrator/author.

With Shinji gasping for air, the Angel looked back at the girl who sat on the ground with her and legs to her sides and hands set on the ground behind her. She looked up in fear at the Angel who stood over her. Just then Shinji sprang up and tackled the Angel to the ground. Straddled over the Angel's chest, Shinji just started pounding on the Angel's face with one punch after another.

"How d'ya like that, punk!" Shinji had taken a break to taunt the Angel. But that was a bad idea. The Angel used this opportunity to grab the boy by the throat. Shinji wrapped his hands around the Angel's arm, trying to yank it off of him. "Geh... offa... meh..." The Angel stared at him with eyes full of murderous intent. Standing up, the Angel lifted the boy off of his feet and choked slammed his ass. Shinji lay on the ground, groaning in pain. The Angel lifted one of his feet above the boy's chest to stomp on him, but as it came down, Shinji caught in his hands then quickly twisted it, making the Angel spin in the air then fall flat onto the ground.

Shinji ran over to the Angel but then was knocked back to the ground when the Angel popped back up and head butted Shinji straight in the face. With Shinji temporarily out of commission, the Angel's looked over to the girl. If I would have made him talk, he would've said something like, 'Prepare to die.' Seeing the girl's plight, our protagonist promptly got to his feet and leaped towards the Angel with a flying sidekick, sending him flying backwards.

"Hey, are you okay?" Shinji had a very gentle expression of concern on his face. The girl looked up at Shinji and said nothing. She just pressed her face into onto Shinji's stomach and wrapped her arms around Shinji's waist. Shinji softly placed his hand on her head in attempt to calm her down. "Hey, it's okay now. I won't let him hurt you." Shinji tuned and saw the Angel slowly walking towards them. He was glowing again. "Shit..." Shinji thought to himself. He picked up the little girl and laid her head onto his shoulder. "Hold on tight!" the girl put her arms around Shinji's neck and held on for dear life. He jumped out of the way just as the explosion went off at the very spot they were standing. The girl screamed and tightened her grip on Shinji's neck. "Ack... you're chocking... me..." The Angel appeared in front of them, staring at them with his gaze of death. "Crap!" Shinji quickly spun around and delivered a spinning hook kick to the Angel's face. The Angel staggered backwards but then bounced back with a sidekick. Shinji jumped out of the way it order to keep the girl from getting hit. Seeing that Shinji was unable to use his hands, since he had to hold onto the girl, the Angel unleashed a combo of kicks aimed for Shinji's head, taking advantage of his handicap. To keep his head on, Shinji had to duck in every direction and jump from side to side. "Grr, I can't keep doing this..." Shinji thought as he did a matrix like move to avoid another kick. The Angel had thrown most of its weight into that last move and lost its balance. Using this chance, Shinji swept the Angel's legs from underneath it, making the Angel fall flat on its back.

"C'mon you jerk!" Shinji screamed at the Angel as it got back up. Just as the Angel was about to stand back up, Shinji rammed his shoulder directly into the Angel, taking him unprepared and sending him flying down the street.

"And now is the time to run!" Shinji told the little girl as he raced off. The two other hostages had come into sight; they stopped to get a breath of air. Shinji ran up to the two men and put the girl down in front of them. "Here, look after her." he said as he turned around to face the Angel.

As he was about to leave, the girl tugged on his pants. Shinji turned around and saw her with tears in welling up in her eyes; she had grown attached to him. Shinji kneeled and faced her. He put a smile on. "Hey now, what's wrong?" She was still unable to speak. She pulled on his jacket then looked at the ground. "What, you don't want me to leave do you?" She hesitated for a second then shook her head. Shinji smiled then let out a light laugh as he softly patted her head. "Hey, don't worry, I'm coming back. I'll be fine; I just have to teach the bad guy a lesson." The little girl turned her head to the side. "Okay?" She lifted her head and slowly nodded her head. Tears were streaming down her face. "Hey now, you shouldn't cry so much. Let's see your smile." The little girl sniffed as she dried her face and somehow managed a little smile. Shinji laughed a little and ruffled the girl's hair. "There you go, you shouldn't hide your cute little face with all those tears." With that Shinji stood back up and gave her a smile. "I promise I'll come back, and when I do, I want to see that pretty smile of yours, okay?" She slowly nodded again then Shinji patted her on the head once last time.

Shinji was about to leave when he remembered something. He turned to one of the men. "You, I need you to come with me."

"WHAT!" The man said taking a step back in surprise.

"I need you to help get those two girls to safety, got it?" The man was about to refuse, but then Shinji gave him a glare.

The man gulped. "Anything you want!"

"I just need you to get them out of here." The man nodded and then they were off.

In the distance, Shinji could already see that the Angel had already gotten back up and was slowly walking towards them. Already exhausted from all the running he had been doing earlier, the man was struggling to keep up with Shinji. He could see that he was panting.

"C'mon man, hang in there," Shinji urged him on. When he looked forward he had lost sight of the Angel. "Shit! Where did...?" The Angel has suddenly appeared in front of them, about to swing a hook punch to Shinji's companion. "On no you don't!" Just in time, Shinji landed a heavy jab right to the Angel's cheek then let him have a sidekick that knocked him off his feet. The Angel immediately got back onto his feet, ready for a second strike, but before he even had the chance to take a step, Shinji had already swung out a punch to the Angel's chest. This time, the Angel caught it and started to grapple with the boy. "What are you starting at! Go!" Shinji yelled to the man who had frozen when the Angel had appeared. He immediately continued on his way.

While Shinji's attention was turned, the Angel came in with a head butt that connected with Shinji's face, causing him to stumble backwards with a small gasp of pain. The Angel didn't hesitate to continue the beating with a hook-round then turning hook-round kick and jumping roundhouse combo. Somehow managing to block this follow up, Shinji used this opening to his advantage and landed a sidekick to the Angel's private parts, that's if the Angel's even had private parts. Nonetheless, this counter had knocked the Angel to the ground.

Shinji laughed tauntingly at his opponent as he got back up. "Heh, that all you got?" Shinji started bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet in cockiness, but that cockiness would prove to be a major flaw. Before Shinji realized it, there were fists beating on his chest, then a full flurry that continued to pummel him. Shinji attempted to block the punches as he staggered back with each punch, but the Angel was just too fast. With one final punch to the face, Shinji spun around and fell to all fours, wheezing for air. As he was about to stand back up, the Angel's heel fell heavily upon his spine and the boy slammed straight to the ground and making him scream. Shinji started coughing up some blood. He got back on his hands and knees again and tried to stand up once more, but the Angel wouldn't allow it. He let Shinji have a few kicks to the gut that made him jump up and groan each time. Finally, Shinji fell to his side and rolled onto his back.

The Angel stood over Shinji as he moaned and continued to cough up some more blood. Deciding to put the boy out his misery, The Angel raised his foot above Shinji's chest, ready to stomp on it. "I'm not done yet," Shinji said. Shinji hacked up a blood loogie and spat it at the Angel then quickly pulled out a handgun from his waist and shot the Angel directly in the chest. The Angel stumbled backwards and shrieked in pain. As his opponent was distracted by its injury, Shinji got back up and let the Angel have a good beating starting with a face hit. The boy let the punches fly one after another. The Angel was completely helpless, caught in between the pain of his bullet wound and the numerous punches to his face. With one last shoryu-ken like uppercut, Shinji knocked out the Angel to the ground. Shinji wiped the blood dripping from the side of his mouth and stood over his adversary and pointed his handgun to his head. "Say goodnight, Mr. Sachiel." Before Shinji could pull the trigger, the Angel glowed brighter than ever before and self-destructed, forming and explosion in the shape of a cross that blew out many blocks of the city.

--END OF FLASHBACK--

(Hola mis friends, remember the first chapter?)

Yep, that was a nice and memorable experience for his first day in Tokyo-3. Shinji laughed at the thought of it.

"I said put your hands up," said the female voice again as the barrel of the gun was shoved in the back of his head.

"You know," Shinji said reluctantly putting his hands up in the air with the rifle still in one. "I should congratulate you on catching me," he turned around, "Asuka." With hands still in the air, Shinji could only smirk as he faced the grinning redhead.

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**Me:** "..."

**Shinji:** "..."

"..." The author continues to stare blankly.

"Okay, why aren't we talking?"

"...My mom wants to throw me a debutante party."

"...What. The. Fuck."

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A/N: Okay wow, that was a long read. Sorry that this chapter took like a whole month to get up and... and... I blame it on Kirby! He distracts me too much! ... Okay, random... but yes, you now have the freedom to review to your hearts content! Comment! Flame! Frolic in the freedom! Do whatever the hell you want! I don't care! 


	5. I Found a Glitch

**Gestapo NERV**

A/N: Whoa! There's another chapter! Amazing! Wow, even I'm still in shock, and not only that but this chapter is surprisingly short, well at least compared to the other chapters it is. Well anywayz, we now join Shinji about to get his head blown off, ENJOI!

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Chapter 5: "I Found a Glitch"

"You know, I should congratulate you on catching me, Asuka."

The redhead grinned. "Well third," she took the rifle out of Shinji's hands and tossed it aside. "I gotta hand it to ya. You pulled off some pretty impressive moved back there. But, you still got a long way to go if you wanna get half as go as I am."

Shinji put an amused look on his face. "Heh, I'll keep that in mind for next time."

"Oh," Asuka aimed at Shinji's face, "but there won't be a next time."

Shinji let out a sigh as he looked up at the sky through the collapsed ceiling. "Wow," he thought to himself, "the sky looks pretty cool with these thermal goggles. Wait…" Shinji noticed something hiding in the shadows, like another source of heat. "A sniper? No, I took them out earlier. It has to be…"

"Saying your prayers?" Asuka asked seeing the boy looking towards the heavens.

"Yeah…" The boy responded looking back at the redhead. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed the figure was moving. "And they've just been answered!" With that Shinji dived to the side as bullets flew past.

"WHAT!" Asuka looked around for the shooter. "Scheiße!" She just barely managed to dodge another round of bullets then ran for cover behind a column. Sticking her head out Asuka used her scope to check out what was going on. Sure enough, she spotted a certain blue haired girl crouched among the rubble and at the source of the gunfire. "Shit, I must've been trailed." Checking up on Shinji, she saw that he was sneaking towards his rifle. "Hey you…!" Asuka was about to step out at shoot at him when a few bullets ricocheted off of the column. "Grr… I'll deal with you later."

Seeing this opening, Shinji made a run for his gun, but this also attracted Rei's attention. Bullets bounced of the marble floor behind him as he neared his rifle. Grabbing it off the ground, he ran into a hallway to his left and escaped from the scene.

"Don't think you can get away!" Asuka started to chase after him but was stopped when Rei fired at her. "C'mon, give me a break!" She was forced to run back and forth Rei finally ran out of bullets. "Now's my chance!" Asuka ran into the same hallway that Shinji went into and as she was running, Rei had jumped down from her position as she was reloading and chased after Asuka.

Realizing that she was being followed, Asuka quickly turned around and fired at her pursuer, hoping to catch her off guard; Rei was too experienced to ever let her guard down, and she quickly reacted by rolling to the side then fired back. Asuka ran behind another conveniently placed column (that's a good thing about big houses, all those unnecessary things that are helpful in a gunfight). She noticed a rather large and old painting hanging on the wall right next to her. Yanking it off, she flung it at her opponent.

Seeing the picture flying towards her, Rei shot it to pieces. As she was finishing off the poor defenseless picture, something landed right next to her feet. "A smoke grenade…" Rei exclaimed in her monotone voice as it exploded. The smoke left her coughing and immobilized for the moment.

"Hahahahaha! Later first!" Asuka called back as she fled. "Now I can get rid of that idiot Shinji." As she continued to run down the hall, she bust down every door and quickly checked the room for any signs of the boy. "I don't think he would've gone far. Where the hell is he?" Asuka was getting frustrated after the twelfth room. "Not here either…" Or so she thought.

As she was about to leave for the next room Shinji dropped down from the ceiling and tried to bash Asuka on the head with the butt of his gun. Unfortunately for him, Asuka saw him coming at the last second and immediately jumped back into the hallway. She then fired back at Shinji who ducked out of the way then quickly threw a grenade at the girl who immediately shot at it, blowing up right in front of her and leaving Asuka in a cloud of smoke. Shinji had to act now before the smoke cleared, so he quickly raised his rifle to his hip. As he was about to fire it was kicked out of his hands by the one and only Rei. ("Silly author," said a random person, "there isn't only one Rei.") What do you mean there's more than one Rei? Nevermind… Caught off guard, Shinji turned his head to Rei and was then dealt a blow to the temple with the butt of her gun.

"Saving the both of us for yourself?" Asuka lunged towards Rei with a fist pulled back. Rei blocked the punch with her rifle then kneed her opponent in the gut, causing her to bend over with a groan. Asuka quickly recovered then tackled Rei to the ground Ray Lewis style. While she still had her opponent on the ground, Asuka pulled out her rifle and pointed it to Rei's face, but Rei managed to kick her off. Both got to their feet and prepared for Round 2.

In the midst of all the commotion, Shinji had managed to sneak away as the fight continued. "Fuck that! I'm not gonna get caught in that." Turning a corner, Shinji decided to stop try and get the jump on whoever would come that way. So with his back pressed up against the wall, Shinji poked his head out, but when he looked back to where the fight was, no one was there anymore. "Shit! Where the hell did…?" Before Shinji could complete the thought someone ran right past him and as a natural reflex, Shinji shot at whoever it was but missed in his haste. Now that he got the person's attention, he could get a clear look at their face. "Asuka!" She ran up to Shinji as begun to pull the trigger, but he was too slow and gave Asuka a golden opportunity. She grabbed the barrel of his gun and redirected the fire to the ceiling. "You…!" In desperation, Shinji threw a punch at the girl, despite the fact that he hates to damage the faces of pretty girls.

"Hey, hold up!" Asuka caught Shinji's fist. "I'm not going to shoot you!"

Shinji's eyes narrowed as he continued to struggle with the German. "Why not?" he asked in suspicion.

"Seeing as who out other opponent is, I think it would be best if we called a temporary truce."

"…How do I know this isn't a trick?"

Asuka pulled down Shinji's gun and pointed it to her throat. "If you don't trust me, then shoot."

Shinji hesitated for a minute before withdrawing his fist. "Fine, but this is only temporary."

"Right." Asuka let go of Shinji's rifle and started to walk down the hall. "Don't expect me to cover your ass whenever you get in trouble."

"Tch," Shinji started to follow. "Like I'd need your help." All of a sudden the sound of gunshots rang out in the hall behind them. "What!" Shinji started to turn around but it was too late, a butt of a bun smashed his thermal goggles and messed up his vision. "Crap!" Shinji quickly pulled off his broke goggles and threw them at his opponent who simply ducked out of the way. As she did, Shinji clearly caught a glimpse of his blue haired assailant.

"You catch up pretty quickly don't you first?" Asuka called out as she opened fire. Rei easily dodged the bullets as she spun around and returned fire at the German. Asuka quickly dived behind a conveniently placed sofa.

Turning back around, Rei saw Shinji attempting to run into her. She quickly shot at him but he slid out of the way and right into the girl, knocking her off her feet. "Heh." Shinji thought smirked to himself thinking that he did some good. But Rei recovered, springing off her hands then immediately shooting a Shinji again. The boy rolled out of the way and started to run for cover behind an opened door… but he tripped. "Shit!" he screamed as he hit the floor.

From behind the sofa, Asuka was comfortably watching Shinji's screw up. "Man, what an idiot!" Despite what she said earlier, Asuka decided to help out Shinji anyway. Placing her rifle on top of the sofa, she set her sights on the blue haired girl and pulled the trigger. Spotting Asuka out of the corner of her eye, Rei simply leaned to the side to avoid being hit. She then shot back, forcing the redhead to duck back down behind the sofa.

"Thanks Asuka," Shinji thought as he got back on his feet. Using this opportunity, Shinji fired at Rei, but all he managed to do was attract her attention. "Crap…" Shinji watched paralyzed as Rei started to dash towards him with her sights focused on him. Shinji was going to run out of the way but he lost his balance and fell… again. "Fucking…!" The bullets whizzed through his hair as he fell to the floor. "At least I didn't get hit…" Shinji was about to get to his feet when he noticed Rei standing right next to him, rifle pointed to his head. Neither Shinji nor Rei said anything in the few awkward seconds that passed as Shinji sat still, staring down the barrel that would bring him his end. The seconds felt like hours as Rei began to squeeze the trigger. Shinji closed his eyes, waiting for the end.

"Hey first!" Rei's attention had been caught by the German who had just jumped out from behind the sofa and was now running towards the two. Shinji opened his eyes to see what was going on, but before he could even turn around, Rei had throw a kick straight across the boy's face, knocking him to the floor. Shots rang out as the blue haired girl ducked to the side to avoid getting and immediately shot back. Asuka only had to dodge a couple rounds before Rei ran out of bullets.

"Huh?" Sitting back up, Shinji saw the girl discarding the empty clip. "Hey, she's reload…! AGH!" Rei shut him up by slamming the butt of the rifle into his face. As she proceeded to reload, Rei noticed a can-shaped object flying towards her.

"A stun grenade, throw by none other that Souryu," Rei deducted. As it was about to hit the ground, the first child turned her back to the grenade and shielded her ears. Shinji just buried his face in his arms, but just before the grenade went off someone had grabbed him by the arm and started to drag him down the hall; they were running blindly.

"It's Asuka isn't it?" After the light had died down, Shinji opened his eyes and saw red hair bouncing up and down. "Yep, it's her."

"Didja say somethin'?" Asuka screamed back. Shinji didn't notice that he was thinking out loud.

"What?" Shinji's ears were still ringing a little from the stun grenade and couldn't really hear.

"I said, did you say something?" she repeated.

"Oh… no, but you can let go of my arm now, I can see fine."

Asuka quickly took her hand off of Shinji. "Hey! Don't say it like enjoyed touching you."

"I didn't!"

"I don't want to hear your excuses!" Asuka continued to lead the way the labyrinth of halls.

"Hey, I thought you said you weren't going to cover me."

"What? I just felt so sorry for you. You're so pathetic that I just had to help you out."

"Sure… Wait, why does that sounds familiar…?" Shinji pondered at the thought as they continued down the hall. He also wondered who the hell would've abandoned a place as nice as this (the poor boy has ADD or something). The hall they were currently running through was at least an eighth of a mile long. The ceiling was about thirty feet high with chandeliers dangling from them. Paintings hung from the walls with portraits of what probably were family members of this place. And the windows, huge! Stained glass and everything, it made you feel like you were in a cathedral or something. As Shinji continued to fill his eyes with the beauty of the stained glass, he noticed a silhouette on the outside on the outside of one of the windows. Just as they were passing it by the glass shattered and in came our favorite albino swinging in. This sudden appearance took the other two children by surprise, making them cower as the shards of glass flew everywhere.

"What the fuck!" Askua quickly raised her gun. "How the hell did you get here so fast?"

The blue haired girl slowly lifted her head. "I found a glitch." Before Shinji and Asuka could comprehend what she just said, they were both sent flying through a door and into what seemed to be a kitchen.

Shinji quickly sprang back onto his feet and ran over to a table in the middle of the room. He flipped it over then ducked behind it for cover. "Wait," Shinji said as he noticed his surroundings. "Why is there a kitchen in the middle of the house? Aren't they usually in the corner of something?" (serious ADD…) But he didn't have time to think about it anymore now that Rei had entered the room. Asuka, who took cover behind and oven just next to Shinji shot at their opponent as she ran behind a fridge/freezer right next to the door. Now she would be able to fight with the other two on even ground.

"Damnit Shinji! Help me out!" One bullet had just ricocheted off the edge of the oven missing Asuka by a hair.

"I got it!" Just as Rei peeked out from behind the fridge, Shinji immediately shot, forcing her to retreat. "Man, if it wasn't for that stupid fridge… Maybe I could do one of those reflection shots that they always do in the movies… Yeah, those always work." Shinji carefully looked around the room, looking for things to reflect his bullet off of. "Hmm, lets see… from the fridge to the toaster on the counter, then the ceiling lamp, and finally to the file cabinet in the corner and then her face. Hmm, sounds good to me." Shinji thought as he pulled out a NERV issued Glock from his holster. "Alright you plastic piece of crap, you better not mess this up." Shinji kissed the gun then took aim. "I just hope she doesn't dodge it."

And with that last thought, he pulled the trigger. The bullet reflected perfectly as planned and it would've been beautiful if Rei hadn't dodged it via dramatic dive. "Fucking…! At least I drew her out from her spot. But… WHOA!" Shinji almost got nailed by a chair that Rei threw at him as she took cover behind a display cabinet that held fine china and such.

The sound of shattering glass filled the air as Shinji and Asuka opened fire upon Rei. The blue haired girl quickly popped out to throw shards of glass at the two before hiding back behind the display case. The shards of glass flew like daggers. One of them actually stuck into Shinji's hand; it felt like someone had just stabbed him with a knife. The boy stared with disbelief with the shard stuck in his hand. "I write with this hand!" He groaned in pain as he yanked the shard out. "You know what, that's it!" Getting aggravated by everything, Shinji pulled out a grenade.

Asuka was reloading when she noticed what Shinji was doing. "Hey what're you…!"

"Take this!" Shinji screamed throwing the grenade in Rei's general direction.

Asuka's eyes shot wide open when she saw Shinji chuck the grenade, for she had noticed something that Shinji had failed to. Right next to Rei was a very large tank, a tank that was probably filled with something flammable and kept under high pressure and would probably explode if shot at or hit by another explosion. As the grenade continued to fall, everything seemed to slow down dramatically. Rei shot out from behind her spot for obvious reasons, Asuka just sat still, watching the grenade in horror, and Shinji was casually aiming at Rei, unaware of the situation. Once the grenade hit the ground, everything went back to normal speed.

"SHINJI YOU ID-!"

* * *

_And now, it's time for another random rant with Shinji and the Author..._

**Me: **"..."

**Shinji: **"Now what's wrong you stupid little author."

"Hey, shut up, I'm pissed."

"And why is the stupid little author pissed?"

"It's Sony..."

"They're screwing themselves over..."

"And that makes you mad because...?"

"Idon't likeXbox, Playstation forever baby!"

"...You're stupid."

Five minutes later, Kirby discovers Shinji lying on the ground... dead. Cause of death, loss of blood after numerous stabs by a a certain pen knife belonging to a certain author.

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A/N: I really am pissed that Sony is doing this. I mean, not only do the have to take a risk with the Blu-ray dick buth then they gotta have them registre too! What the crap! How the hell are we supposed to rent games now! Or buy pre-owned! What the crap, some people actually want to test out the games before they buy it! And they're probably all gonna start at around99.99 each. What the crap! I don't have that kind of money! ...! Okay, that's enough of that, there was something I wanted to tell you... Oh yeah, I remember now! The end of the last chapter was what I originally planned to be the end of the 1st chapter, funny how thing work out huh. 


	6. The Beginning of Forever

**Gestapo NERV**

A/N: Hola dudes and dudettes! This is your friendly dudette author writing to you. Um, yes, uh, new chapter? I don't know, I have nothing to say but enjoy your freedom while it lasts! BWAHAHAHAHA! Okay, whatever, what the hell am I high on. Probably life, drugs are bad, stay in school kids. You guys are probably all older than me anyway, but stay in school anyway. AND GO TO COLLEGE! Even if it is just for the parties. Anywayz, next chapter... ENJOI!**

* * *

**

Chapter 6: The Beginning of Forever

"SHINJI YOU ID-!"

Asuka started to scream, but was cut off by the gigantic explosion that blew away most of the surrounding rooms in that hallway along with the three children.

As they flew through the air, the world around them started to fade away into the darkness. As quickly as the dark had arrived was it dispelled by an extremely bright and white light.

"…Did I die and go to heaven?" Shinji wondered as he floated down to the ground.

"YOU ALL FAIL!" A woman's voice echoed throughout the new place.

"…Or maybe hell… That was Misato's voice wasn't it? Oh yeah, now I remember, I'm in the simulation room and NERV HQ." They were three children were doing another one of their early morning exercises. Shinji was about to sit up, but then he go tired and lazy.

Another woman's voice came through the speakers. "Maybe you should calm down, Misato."

"Calm down! I am calm! Hey, you three," Misato continued. "That's right, I'm talking to you! I know you can hear me!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're not deaf," said Asuka as she helped up Rei.

"What the hell was that! That was the most…! I mean you all just totally…! Damn, I'm so upset right now that I can't even talk!" Misato really did have a pretty pissed tone of voice. "Hit the showers and we'll discuss this later." That said the girls exited the room leaving Shinji who continued to just lay there. "Shinji!"

"What?"

"Get off the ground and take a shower!"

"I'm tired. I'll do it after I take a nap."

"Don't make me come down there!"

Shinji just groaned and rolled over to his stomach. Misato let out a sigh. "Okay, you leave me with no choice." At that moment two guards entered the room and stood over Shinji. "You can either walk or I'll have you dragged into the shower." Shinji ignored her and started to snore. Misato let out a sigh. "Okay guys, take him away."

"Yes ma'am!" The two guards obeyed and took Shinji by his feet and dragged his limp body along.

Shinji groaned as if he was just waking up. "Hey, what're you doing? Lemme go…" He weakly tried to free himself.

"We have our orders, sir," one of the guards responded. "Oh, and watch out for the steps."

"What…? OW! SON OF A…! YOU MOFOS ARE…! FUC…!" before Shinji could heed the guards warning his head was banging against the flight of stairs he was being dragged through.

The boy groaned in defeat then drifted back into his lazy state. It didn't take long for them to reach the showers; once inside, the guards dropped Shinji onto the ground. He landed with a grunt then resumed taking his nap. "Please get into the shower."

Shinji groaned once again then turned his head to the side. "You can't make me, I outrank you."

The guards looked at each other and shrugged. "We have direct orders."

"Sure," said the boy unimpressed. "You do know my dad runs this joint, I could bring you hell if you want me to."

One of the guards sighed. "Captain Katsuragi has given us permission to strip and scrub you down ourselves if need be." This caught Shinji's attention; he didn't want to be naked in the shower with two big scary buff strangers scrubbing him down.

"You wouldn't." To prove their point, the guards picked up Shinji and started to pull off his clothes. He finally caved. "Alright! I get it!" He screamed as he brushed the guards off him. "Geez, that woman will do anything to get her way." He continued to complain to as he started to take the rest of his clothes off, then stopped when he noticed that the two guards were watching him. "You can wait outside you know." The guards didn't move and inch. "Or at least turn around, I don't want two men watching me strip, it's creepy."

"Oh, our apologizes." Shinji rolled his eyes as the guard tuned their backs to the boy.

Shinji stepped into the shower and turned on some nice and warm water. "Seriously," he thought to himself, "I'm starting to regret coming here." As he washed himself off, Shinji thought back to the after the fight with the third Angel.

-FLASHBACK-

-After the fight with Sachiel

Shinji awoke with a start. The first thing that came into view was a ceiling… and unfamiliar ceiling. Sitting up, Shinji noticed that he was in a hospital bed and wearing one of those hospital gowns.

"That explains the breeze…" Seeing as how he was in some unknown place, he decided to take in his surroundings and try and figure out just where exactly he was.

It seemed like a normal hospital room to him. A desk to his right with a vase full of flowers set on top of it and one lone chair pushed in under the desk. That was basically all that was in the room. Pretty empty for such a large room, you'd think that they'd at least have on of those tiny TVs that would only show crap channels. The room next to him had a TV. Shinji could barely make out what they were saying. It sounded like some kind of game of talent show with a dog that could do math or something like that.

After a few minutes of intent listening, Shinji decided that starting at the wall wasn't fun anymore, so he got up out of his bed and walked out of his room and into the hallway. The hall was just as desolate and barren as his room, but at least it had a nice view. Walking over to the window, Shinji placed his hand on the glass and began staring out the window (seriously, this boy has noting better to do). Then it hit him, why was he in a hospital anyway? He tried to think back, but everything just seemed like a blur, so he would just have to make up a reason.

"Let's see… heat stroke? Nah… Heart attack? No, I'm too young for that crap. Hit by a car? No, I probably would've been dead. Plus, I think that I would remember if I got run over. Caught in an explosion? Sure, cuz you know everyone that gets blown up ends up without a scratch… not. Collapsed randomly? Hmm, seems plausible, I mean, how many explanations do you need for something that happens at random?"

Satisfied that he solved one of life's greatest mysteries, Shinji continued with his pointless staring out the window. He could stay like that the whole day if he wanted to and would've had it not had been interrupted by the sound of approaching footsteps. Turning his head, Shinji saw a woman walking in his direction.

"Whoa, she's hot!" Shinji thought. "Hold on, she looks familiar… Um, violet hair, military-ish jacket…" Right now Shinji was suffering from temporary memory loss.

The woman stopped only a few feet from the boy then smiled. "So Shinji," she said. "How are you feeling?" The second he heard her voice, something inside him triggered and a flood of memories came rushing back.

"…Ms. Katsuragi?" The smile faded from the woman's face and Shinji immediately received a flick on the forehead. "OW!"

The woman's sour face then turned into a grin. "I thought I told you not to call me that."

"Oh, sorry… I forgot." Shinji chuckled as he rubbed his forehead. "By the way, what happened to me?"

-In another room at the NERV infirmary-ish place

The sound of a steady beeping was the first sound to enter the ears of first child Rei Ayanami when she regained consciousness. She immediately recognized it as a heart monitor and realized that she must be in the hospital.

As she slowly opened her eyes, she noticed that one of them had been covered with some gauze. Her room had a lot more stuff in it than Shinji's. Not only was she connected to the monitor, but there was a tube stuck in her wrist. In our world, it would've been connected to an IV bag if this was in real life, but since this is the world of _Gestapo NERV_ it was actually a bag of some weird yellow stuff called LCL. Along the side of the room were counters covered with test tubes and beakers. There were also various medical equipment suck as sutures and antiseptic neatly lay out. No one really knew why all that crap was in a hospital room. If you would've asked anyone, they would say the place looked more like a laboratory than a hospital.

"I… am alive?" Rei recalled her fight with the third Angel and how she was almost killed. "Was I spared…? No, I had been rescued by another." Out of nowhere a sharp pain shot through her left arm causing her to inhale sharply. Looking at her arm, she saw it all sealed up in a cast. But that wasn't all; she noticed that someone was resting their head near the foot of the bed. It was Asuka, and she was also in one of those hospital gowns.

"Souryu…" With much effort, Rei had managed to sit herself up on the bed, but as soon as she did, her whole body throbbed with overwhelming pain. Rei bent over and grabbed her side with her good arm. She started to gasp intensely.

The commotion had stirred Asuka from her rest and slowly opened her eyes. Once she saw Rei she was shocked wide awake and popped out of her seat. "Ayanami! What are you doing!" she screamed in a panic. "Do you want to stay in bed for more than you need to? You shouldn't be trying to sit up already!" She rushed over to Rei and helped her to lay back down. "Really now, I know you're tough and all but you really need to rest." Asuka sat back down in her chair then glanced over at Rei. Her gasps were starting to die down. Asuka sighed. "You know, you're really something. You almost killed yourself back there. Did you really think that you could take on that Angel all on your own?"

"…" Rei turned her head and started staring at a clock hanging on the wall. "Was the target eliminated?"

"Tch, yeah. That new kid Shinji had to take all the glory and look like some great hero getting rid of the Angel all by himself." The redhead scoffed and crossed her arms. "Heck, if I had Unit-02 I bet you I could've got rid of the Angel myself in no time flat! Hmph, if that kid didn't have that EVA he probably wouldn't have lasted half as long as we did." For a while, silence filled the room, the only thing that disturbed the quiet was the beeping of the monitor. Asuka stretched out in her seat then stared out the door and into the hallway.

"But you know," Asuka said in an unusually calm voice, "I'm actually kinda glad that he showed up. If it wasn't for him, I don't know what would've happened to you, or this city for that matter."

Rei looked over at Asuka who was still staring out the door. "It was… Commander Ikari's son that saved me?"

"According to everyone else… yeah." There was a long pause before she said something. "Ayanami… I'm sorry that I couldn't be more helpful." Her voice was full of remorse. "For the longest time, we promised that we would watch each other's back. Then, when the time finally comes when you need help the most, I'm knocked out and unable to do anything. If only I could've…"

"It does not matter," Rei interrupted. Asuka shot her head around and looked at the girl who resumed staring at the clock. "With the work we do, it is normal that we should be thrown into situations that we cannot prevent. It is natural for us to put our life at risk for the benefit of others. I have already accepted that and so have you. You have proved that when you stayed behind in order to allow the hostages and I to escape back during the fight with the Angel." Another long pause lingered in the air. "I am glad that you were not harmed."

Asuka was speechless. "Rei…"

The blue haired girl turned her head and looked at the German with the same emotionless expression. "Souryu, did you just call me 'Rei?'"

Asuka smiled then looked back out into the hall. "It's nothing, just a bit of reminiscing."

-Back with Misato and Shinji now in an elevator

"So you're saying that I've been our for half a week?"

"That's right," answered Misato.

Shinji looked up and sighed. "Yeah, I can't think of a better way to spend my summer," he said sarcastically.

"Hey, you're lucky to only have to spend three days in bed. It could've been worse."

"Like…?"

"Like the explosion could've blown you to bits. Like your body could've been overwhelmed from not having any prior training, making you a cripple for life. Or your brain could've broken down and turned into mush, and then you would be mentally retarded."

Shinji's eye twitched at the thought of it. "…I don't think I like having an EVA anymore."

"Oops, am I scaring you?" Shinji nodded. "Hahaha! Don't worry, you'll be fine. You're a man aren't you?"

"Uh, no, I'm only sixteen."

Misato rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean." The elevator jerked as it came to a stop. Misato led the way out as the doors opened. After taking a left, a couple of rights, then another left, the two arrived at a large set of doors with the words "Commander Ikari's Office" inscribed upon the doors. Above, a camera attached to the ceiling was now scanning the two. To the sides, Shinji noticed a pair of light Gatling guns that were ready to take care of any unwanted visitors. Shinji wondered if all this security was really necessary. A monitor to the right of the large doors flashed to a screen that showed the words "Audio Only."

"You're late," came Gendo's extremely deep voice from the monitor.

"I'm sorry Commander, the elevator…"

"I don't need excuses." Gendo rudely interrupted. Hearing this, Shinji rolled his eyes, thinking about how much of an asshole his father was. The doors slid open to reveal a gigantic room engulfed in the dark.

"Hey, Ms. Misato." Shinji said as the woman led the way into the darkness.

"Hmm?" she responded as the doors behind them slid shut.

Shinji lost all sight of Misato and could only follow the sound of her footsteps. "Um, why do you work for such a jerk anyway?"

"Oh, easy, he pays me a fortune."

"Uh huh, sure."

"Okay, you caught me; I think that he's such a sexy beast."

"…I highly doubt that."

"Alright, fine! He lets me drink on the job and gives me free booze as a bonus to my miniscule paycheck!"

"…You're pretty simple aren't you?"

"So sue me." Misato's eye started to twitch with irritation.

Sensing some kind of murderous intent, Shinji decided that he shouldn't push the woman's temper anymore. As they continued to walk make their way through the pitch black Shinji noticed a single desk in the middle of the room illuminated by a light from the floor. At the desk sat his father with his hands folded together as usual; Fuyutsuki stood readily to his right.

Shinji stopped next to Misato a few yards from the desk then looked at his dad with a smug look. "Hello father, how are you doing this fine day?" His tone was as bitter and sarcastic as could be.

Gendo flinched; it's funny how such an asshole gets so intimidated by the mere presence of his own son. "Shinji, I think you know why I called you here." Gendo said pulling himself back together.

"Oh really, I do? What would that be?"

Gendo continued with sweat pouring down his face. "Three days ago, the EVA made it debut with you at the command. At the moment, we had no time to officially confirm that you were the one chosen for Evangelion Unit-01 over to you. We need you to sign some contracts for insurance reasons."

"Is that so?" Shinji narrowed his eyes and put an intimidating look on his face. "And what makes you think that I got into that thing for you? Or what makes you think that I'll get in it again?"

"But Shinji… I thought… that… you liked…"

"Liked what? Like putting my life at risk? Liked almost having my brain turned into mush? Like having to fight insane terrorist by myself? Well then, father, I have some shocking news for you. No, I didn't like it, not one bit! And if you think that you're gonna get me to work according to your plans you'd better think again!"

Misato grabbed the boy by the ear making him cry in pain. "Shinji, I thought you said you wouldn't do this!"

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Okay, you win!" He was immediately released and rubbed his sore ear. He was about to apologize and agree to signing but when he looked over at his father's desk, he wasn't there anymore. "Uh, where did my dad go?" he asked Fuyutsuki. The old man let out a sigh knowing that the Commander had escaped to his sanctuary that always cheered him up.

"I will take over the Commander's place in his absence," said Fuyutsuki as he pulled out a pile of forms from the desk's drawer.

-In Gendo's sanctuary

The 50 something year old man kneeled slumped over in front of a gigantic portrait of his dearly departed, Yui Ikari. "Honey," he pathetically sniveled. "I don't know what I'm going to do with the boy. He never listens to me no matter what I do. I thought that he would appreciate me more if I gave him the chance of a lifetime, but it just made him hate me even more." He continued to blabber on between his continuous tears and sobbing. Wiping the snot off his face with his sleeve, he looked up at the smiling face of his wife. "Shinji always loved being with you. But every time I think about it you were always nursing him. Maybe if I get one of those fake breasts like in _Meet the Fockers_ and nurse him, maybe he would start to like me more, right honey?"

-Back in the _Evil Gendo Office of Doom_

"And sign and date here and here." Fuyutsuki pointed out to Shinji as he handed him the 281st form.

"Ugh, my hand is so stiff," Shinji groaned as he strained one last signature.

"Don't worry, you'll live," Misato patted him on the back.

"And that's all you need." Fuyutsuki took the forms and set them aside. He reached into the desk and pulled out a gigantic book over 2000 pages long and handed it to Shinji.

"What's this for!" Shinji eyes shot open as the book was dropped into his arms.

"Now that you're officially a part of NERV, you should know the background of the rules and history behind the organization," he explained as Shinji flipped through the book. "Think of it as a light read on a rainy day." Shinji groaned as he shot the enormous pamphlet.

"Yeah, thanks," said Shinji totally ecstatic (I'm being sarcastic).

"Just don't think about it!" Misato cheerfully slapped Shinji on the back. "Well, now that it's settled, let me be the first to welcome you to NERV ranks! I've got a feeling you're gonna have fun here!" Shinji nervously laughed as the woman patted him on the shoulder.

-END FLASHBACK-

"…Yeah, tons of fun." Shinji finished rinsing out the shampoo our of his hair then turned off the water. He dried himself off then walked out of the shower with his towel wrapped around his waist. His escorts handed him some NERV uniform… stuff and told him to put them on. After he finished dressing the escorts led Shinji towards the dressing room then led him to Misato who was waiting with Rei, Asuka, and Dr. Akagi. Misato was impatiently taping her foot, Rei was just being Rei with her signature arm in a sling and gauze eye patch, Asuka was wiping of some smudges off the name badge on her uniform, and the good doctor was just daydreaming of her kitties and Hello Kitty dancing at a rave party.

"You can leave us now," Misato said to the escorts who immediately took their leave. As soon as they left the room, she let out a distressed sigh the looked up at the three children. Just by looking at her face, you could tell how pissed she was. She was trying to keep herself under control since Ritsuko was with them.

"Alright, there are a few, how do I put it… issues that I want to discuss concerning today's exercise. First of all, this was supposed to be a free for all. You're not supposed to ally up again poor Rei here who's still recovering." She pointed to Rei and her injuries.

"From where I was it didn't look like the injuries were affecting the first at all." Asuka said and glanced over at the ever emotionless Rei. "Even though I teamed up with Shinji I had an even harder time holding my own against her."

"Yeah, it's not fair that she has way more experience that the both of us," Shinji added.

"I wasn't talking about that. I was talking about you, idiot."

"What!"

"All I'm saying is that the truce did more good for Ayanami that it did for me. His stupidity was holding me back."

"Point taken," Misato said after a little thought.

"Hey!" Shinji yelled in aggravation.

Misato had to stop Shinji from going all psycho on Asuka. "Next issue, I don't see how you managed to kill yourselves in the middle of an easy exercise like this."

"Oh, the answer is simple," said Asuka. "It's just that Shinji had to be stupid all the time and make everything blow up."

"I do _not_ make everything blow up!" Shinji spoke up in defense.

"Yeah you do! Like that first exercise you did, you nearly tripped every bomb detector. And then there was that other time when you set off an entire mine field! Only and idiot could set off and entire mine field."

"I did _not_ set of the entire field!" Shinji screamed back. He then quickly added: "There were a few left."

"Oh wow!" exclaimed Asuka sarcastically.

"Rei," Dr. Akagi interrupted in order to prevent and dramatic battle. "In the middle of the exercise you said 'I found a glitch.' What did you mean by that?"

"It is as I said," she answered. "There is a glitch in the simulation program; I simply utilized this to my advantage. I noticed that the design of the area was rushed and therefore flawed. While it did seem realistic, there was an area that would loop itself."

"Loop?" repeated Ritsuko confusedly.

"Yes, one of the doors on the far east side of the mansion would lead me to the roof. That is how I was able to catch up to Souryu and Ikari so easily."

"I see." Ritsuko glanced around suspiciously then cleared her throat. "This is why I can't rely on Maya and the others to do things right all the time."

-Over with Maya and the others

"That's mean, sempai!" cried Maya with eyes filling up with tears.

"We shake our fists at you!" yelled Hyuuga and Aoba shaking their fists in the air.

-Back with Shinji and friends

"Hey isn't that cheating!" yelled Asuka.

"Well I guess if you two can team up together then it's okay for Rei to use that glitch." Asuka huffed and crosses her arms. "Anymore questions?" Misato looked at the children. Shinji was the only one who raised his hand. "Yes?"

"Okay, this has nothing to do with what we're talking about, but what exactly are those spandex suits that you make us wear under the EVAs?"

"It's the plug suit," answered Misato. Shinji stared blankly, still confused.

"Allow me to explain," said Ritsuko. "The plug suit is supposed to help you synch when you wear the EVA. Think of it as some sort of support system. And since you're not supposed to wear any of your regular clothes under the EVA, it helps to prevent chaffing and keeps the EVA from riding up." Shinji let out an 'oh' of finally comprehending.

"Anything else." Shinji raised his hand again. "Yes?"

"This also doesn't have anything to do with what we were talking about." Misato rolled her eyes. "Why does the simulation room look like the Danger Room?"

"I don't know! Ask the Commander!" Misato was getting annoyed with Shinji's stupid questions.

-In Gendo's _Evil Office of Doom_

Inside the gigantic room of darkness hung a gigantic screen displaying an ancient Chinese battle.

"Go get those Yellow Turban scum!" Fuyutsuki cheered Gendo on as he played his freshly relased copy of Dynasty Warriors 8.

Finally noticing the camera staring at him, Gendo paused the game and looked into the camera's lens. "What? I like X-Men!" Unpausing his game, Gendo continued to lay the beat down with Fuyutsuki cheering him on.

-Back with our friends

"Now, any more questions?" Shinji's hand shot up. "Any at all?" Shinji waved his hand back and forth then started jumping up and down. "Good," Misato started to walk away and Shinji lowered his head in defeat. "Put your uniforms on and I'll drop you off at school."

"WHAT!" Shinji and Asuka yelled in unison. "But you promised you wouldn't make us go!"

"You didn't think that I'd let you off easily did you?" responded Misato.

"C'mon, we've been up since four in the morning!" Shinji pleaded.

"I'll see you in the car!" Misato waved to them as she left the room.

"Dr. Akagi, we don't really have to go do we?" asked Asuka at a final attempt at salvation.

The blonde woman shrugged her shoulders. "It's not for me to decide."

"You're no help…" Asuka groaned in defeat causing the good doctor's eyes to narrow.

-5 minutes later at the NERV-mo-van.

"I call shotgun!" yelled Shinji as he ran towards the car.

"What an idiot…" Asuka mumbled as she got in the back next to Rei.

"Are we set?" Everyone nodded as they buckled up, and with their acknowledgement, Misato revved up the car. "Alright, here we go!" And with that, she sped off, bringing the three children to the first dreaded day of school.

* * *

_And now it's time for a random conversation with the author and Shinji..._

**Me:** "I've noticed something."

**Shinji:** "Uh huh, would you like a cookie?"

"Actually I would! Wait, that's not the point."

"And what is your point?"

"Umm... uh. What was it again...? Oh yeah! All of the animes and mangas that Cartoon Network and stuff like that actually show on tv have a shitloads more of fanfics more than the one's that don't. Evangelion's no exception."

"Why should I care?"

"I mean I've already watched_ End of Evangelion_ back when I was in 7th grade oh so long ago."

"I don't give a shit."

"I would've writen a fic but c'mon, it's not like I would've writen one when I was in 7th grade. I mean, I wrote like shit."

"And you still do. Now shut the fuck up."

"What was that you little...! Who said you could come back to life a second time?"

-Hours later, a crowd is gathered around the Empire State building, staring and the mangled body of the little emo body of a boy named Shinji Ikari.

"Hahaha! That's what you get for making Kirby sent to jail!" says the author as the pink puffball muches on her head.

* * *

A/N: I'd liketo thankLinkthellama forprereadingthis chapter, sadly this willbethe first and last one, but that will only make me want to work harder!Okay, I'm running out of ideas for random conversations and Shinji clones. I'm kinda inthe middle of a writer's block right now and I just came back from a looooong vacation so I'm feeling really lazy right now... okay a lot lazier than normal. So, (**WARNING: SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION AHEAD!) **read so of my other stuff if you already haven't. They're the shit, according to some feeback. And yes, I stole the little sanctuary thing from _Bleach_, but I own Renji and Sui Feng and Whitey and Rukia and Yoroichi and Rukia's drawings, so sue me. 


	7. High School is Funderful!

**Gestapo NERV**

A/N: Wow, I change the summary! As a special treat for this day, I would like to treat you all to another chapter of the wonderful world of _Gestapo NERV_! Yes, today is very special day cuz... IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! WOO HOO! In this chapter we get to see the first of our crossovers, and just for a hint I'll say..._WE'RE TRYIN' TO BODY TIME! BOMB A HEAD! I SAID BOMB BOMB A HEAD! _I would give you another hint, but then that wouldn't be fun, hehehe. Okay, that's not the point, maybe it is, but the thing is you read this chapter and you like it, or it'll make me sad... on my birthday... I'm just kidding, just do me a favor and... ENJOI!

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Chapter 7: High School is Funderful!

And so it was that the three children destined to save the world from certain destruction were off to that oh so wonderful place called high school.

"So, you guys excited?" asked Misato who just barely missed getting nailed by a truck when she ran a red light.

"Yeah, sure..," mumbled the Second and Third Children. Rei just stared out her window.

"Great!" Misato decide to take a shortcut through a one-way street going the opposite direction. This kind of driving was nothing new to Asuka and Rei, so they were used to it and Shinji was just too tired to care that Misato just ran over an angry and very drunk hobo on the sidewalk.

Asuka checked her watch and saw that school wouldn't start for another hour. "Hey Misato, what's the rush?"

"Nothing really, I just think it's nice to get a head start on things," she replied.

The redhead slouched down in her seat and put her hands behind her head. "Well why don't you just send Shinji? Why do we have to go too? It's not like me and little Miss Honor Student here need to go to school anymore, right First?" Asuka looked over at Rei who was still staring out the window. "See, straight from the horse's mouth."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Shinji wearily.

"Don't know much about your teammates do you?" Misato said. Shinji shrugged it off then watched as a pedestrian crossing the street dived out of Misato's was and into some other driver's windshield. "You should know that Rei here already passed all the senior finals and Asuka has already graduated from a German University before she came here to Japan."

Asuka smirked proudly as Misato explained to Shinji. "She knows all this and yet she still forces us to waste our time here when we could be training? Seriously? Seriously?"

"Seriously…" added Shinji unnecessarily.

"Okay, seriously guys," said Misato, "What do you think this is? '_Grey's Anatomy?_'"

"That show rocks my socks," commented Shinji.

"Seriously," agreed Asuka.

Misato sighed as she drifted perfectly into one of the school's parking spots. "Alright everyone out," she said pulling the keys out of the ignition.

Shinji lazily rolled out of his seat then plopped down on the hood of the car.

Asuka eyed the boy and thought about what an idiot he was. "We'll just be hanging out until school starts," she said to Misato as she followed Rei to wherever it was she was going.

"Yeah," Shinji said, "wake me up when school ends." Shinji started to fall asleep on top of Misato's hood, which wasn't exactly the wisest of choices. All Misato had to do to get the boy up was reach over to the steering wheel and beep the horn. When she did, Shinji jumped up screaming then fell onto his butt, landing on a rock.

"My poor ass…" Shinji cried as if he had been kicked in the crotch.

"C'mon Shinji," said Misato dragging Shinji along, "time to see the principle."

"But I want to sleep," he whined as uselessly reached an arm towards the car.

-In some hallway in school

"Alright Shinji, there are a few things that I have to tell you before we get to the principal's. First of all," she looked at the energy drained boy dragging his feet next to her. "WAKE UP!" she screamed in his ear.

Shinji only looked annoyed then poked his ringing ear.

"Drink some Red Bull or something, right now I need you to listen up."

"Okay…" he said while struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Alright, so NERV has an agreement with this school. We provide them with supplies they need and then provide us with the privacy for you three. This school is the only one that will agree to take in the EVA pilots as students. We work together to protect your identity, keep information from leaking, blah, blah, blah, you get the point. You'll probably end up in the same class as Rei and Asuka, just warning you right now."

"Great…" he dreaded the thought of not only having to see his German "friend" at NERV but at school. It's like an Asuka marathon or something.

"So, I'm going to have to need to have you give off a good impression, it'll be better for your record and ours. Oh, one more thing, the principal is a bit different than your usual one, try not to look surprised or do anything rude. So look alive and smile."

Misato looked over to who Shinji completely ignored her and already started to nod off again.

"SHINJI!" The boy was jolted wide awake and looked at Misato with wide eyes of fear.

"Yes Ma'am…?" he said timidly.

"Smile you fuck!"

"YES MA'AM!" He said then saluted her.

Now that he was good to go, they continued on their way to the main office. Upon entering, they found a young man with short light brown hair walking around while writing something on a clipboard. He was wearing a cobalt long sleeve shirt with a black tie, black polyester pants, and brown dress shoes. Shinji guessed him to be around his early twenties.

"Yo, Masataka! Howzit goin'?" she called out to him.

He stopped in the middle of his tracks and looked up. "Oh, Ms. Katsuragi! You're here already." He looked at Shinji standing at her side. "You're Shinji Ikari aren't you? I'm Masataka Takayanagi, nice to meet you!" He held out a hand.

"Nice to meet you too!" Shinji took his hand and shook it firmly with a real smile. "Nothing weird about this guy yet," he thought to himself. "He must be an awesome principal if Misato's cool with him."

Masataka smiled and said, "You've got a pretty good grip, of course that's to be expected of the Third Child."

"You know?"

"Naturally, we also know about the other two chil… OW!" Misato nudged him in the side and gave him a warning look. "Sorry, I forgot, but we're not supposed to talk about this in public."

"So who else knows about this?" Shinji asked.

"Oh, it's just the nurse, the lunch lady, the school monitors, the principal, and me."

"Oh," said Shinji. Then he made a funny face. "Oh, I thought that you were the principle."

"Me? No, I'm just her assistant; she should be waiting for you in her office. I'll take you back to her now if you want."

"A lady principal," thought Shinji. "I hope she's not a wrinkly old lady."

"Lead on," Misato said.

"Okay, this way," he lead them in the back through a hallway and came to a stop in front of a door just next to the nurses office. He knocked on it, "Sempai, our new arrival is here."

"Well don't just stand there," came a very young female voice from inside the room, "let them in already."

"Ooooh," thought Shinji, "it's not a wrinkly old lady. I wonder if she's hot…"

Masataka opened the door and the three of them entered the room. The office was like any other principal's, but with a huge plasma TV hanging on the wall and some katanas displayed on top of a table to the side. On the desk Shinji saw one of those little name things that read 'Principal Natsume.' The back of the principal's big leather chair was turned towards them, keeping Shinji in suspense as he waited for _The Moment of Truth_.

"It's been a while, Maya," said Misato.

"Yes, it has been, Captain Katsuragi," responded the principal. "I'm glad you could make it here today, we should see each other more often." The chair spun around and in the seat was a little girl in a pink and purple kimono. "It's nice to have you here too, Mr. Shinji Ikari." she said with a bright and welcoming smile.

"…It's a little girl," Shinji thought as he struggled to maintain his composure. "This school has some old-dialect using little girl as their principal."

There was an awkward silence as everyone waited for Shinji's response. Misato, seeing how Shinji was obviously shocked and concealing it rather well, nudged Shinji in the side. "Say something!" she whispered through gritted teeth.

"Yes! That's me, Shinji Ikari!" said Shinji energetically. "I'm glad to be here!"

"And I'm glad that you were able to make it here today so early!" said the principal cheerfully. "Since there aren't any students here yet, why don't I give you a tour of the school," said Maya, "why don't I give you a tour of the school?"

"Oh, really that's…" Shinji was about to refuse when Misato gripped his shoulder threateningly.

"That would be great, wouldn't it Shinji?" she said as she sneaked a glare at the boy. Shinji reflexively nodded his head.

"Great!" the little girl exclaimed as she happily jumped on to her desk. "If you'll just follow me…" she continued her lecture as she jumped onto Masatakas's shoulder.

"Noooo!" Shinji thought to himself. "Not a tour! Tours mean walking around and long explanations and that means using up what little energy I have left!" His useless complaints continued in his head as he nodded along to the explanations and forced his face to look like he was happy, or at least, not bored.

-Back to where ever Rei and Asuka are

Outside of the school, the two girls were patiently killing time. Asuka was following Rei around because she had nothing better to do.

"I can't believe how hot it is this early in the morning…" Asuka randomly said.

"…" Rei continued to walk aimlessly.

"…" Asuka continued following.

"Souryu, why are you following me?" asked our red eyed heroine. Wait, Rei talked before being talked to? No way…

"Why not, it's not like I have nothing to do."

At this point, if Rei would've thought that Asuka was stalking her, but since she had no concern whatsoever in things like that, she just continued her aimless walking.

-Back to Maya's funderful school tour

"And this here is the nurse's office." Maya pointed to the door that they just stopped in front of. "My sister is actually the nurse, she just recently graduated."

"Her sister…" Shinji thought, "I wonder if she's tiny like her."

"Masataka here is the one that suggested that she work here. At first when I asked her she seemed skeptical but when Masataka asked she didn't even hesitate, isn't that right," Maya teased.

"Sempai," Masataka was blushing, "I don't know what you're getting at."

"Hmm, but you do seem a bit happier since she showed up."

"I…!" started Masataka but, he couldn't find anything to say. Maya smiled to herself knowing that she had won.

"Aw, that's so cute!" Misato giggled to herself. Shinji was preoccupied with keeping himself "energized" that he didn't have any concern for whatever the hell was going on.

"Well, what do you think, should we introduce Mr. Ikari to her?" asked Maya in a very evil way.

"Sempai…!" Poor Masataka couldn't do anything to keep his integrity in tact. And just at that moment when he was already falling apart, the next best thing happened; the door to the nurse's office opened and out came a lady in her mid twenties wearing a nurse uniform. And when that door opened Masataka and Shinji reacted in a ways too similar for comfort. It was a sort of an eye widening, hypnotized kind of reaction.

"Holy shit! Big tities!" was what Shinji tried not to think out loud.

"Ah, Onee-chan," the nurse said as she closed the door behind her. "I thought that I heard your voice."

"A-A-A-Aya-chan!" stammered Masataka. Now seeing as how long he had known her, you know that he would be used to just being around her without being all weird, but when someone with boobs that big wears a uniform like that, even Masataka the nice guy is gonna submit.

"I wonder if her back hurts…" was all Shinji could think as he kept his face as straight as he could while concentration on not staring at her humongous boobs.

"Aya, I'd like you to meet Shinji Ikari." Maya pointed to the boy with the bright smile on his face.

"Oh, so you're Shinji, I'm glad that I finally get to meet you," said the bubbly nurse cheerfully.

For a little while Shinji just stood there with the same expression on his face. He would've responded had his mind not been taken over by the words, "Big boobies, big boobies, big boobies, big boobies…" Misato nudged Shinji in the side once again. "Oh, sorry, I mean, it's a pleasure to meet you too." He then scratched the side of his head as he laughed nervously.

Aya giggled. "A cute boy like you doesn't need to apologize so much. Well, I have to get back to some of my last minute work, so I'll leave you to your business. Shinji," she said as she opened the door, "I hope that won't have to see you during school too often. "Onee-chan, Takayanagi-sempai, I'll see you later. You take care too, Captain!" And with that Shinji begun plotting excuses for him to go to the nurse. Then he thought about how the author gets to go to the nurse almost everyday…

"Maybe she'll switch noses with me…" And the evil conspiracies continued.

"Shinji," Misato suddenly appeared behind Shinji, startling him. "You're not thinking of ways to get free trips to the nurse, are you?"

"Err… no…." he lied.

"You're a real bad liar when under pressure," Misato pointed out. "We're going to need to work on psychological training after you get out of school today." Shinji lowered his head in defeat, and groaned as the totally mind blowing tour continued.

-Back to wherever Rei and Asuka are

By the time you read this, Asuka will have discovered that Rei's walking was not aimless. In fact, she had just been wandering around until she found a nice bench to sit on for some genuine book reading time. Not wanting to feel awkward and sit next to her albino companion, Asuka decided to just lean against a lamppost next the bench. She decided to stare at the sky to see how many different types of clouds she could name.

"Cumulus… no, cirrocumulus… cirrostratus… contrails… stratocumulus…stratus…" she recited monotonously to herself. As she continued her pointless self competition, a couple of boys walking by stopped when they saw her. Asuka looked over at them to see what they were up to.

"Whoa dude, check it out!" one of them said to the other.

"What?"

"It's that chick, you know, the one with the sick Ollie?"

"No way!" he then looked the redhead in the eye. "You're Asuka?"

Asuka smirked. "That's right! You're looking at the great Souryu Asuka Langley!"

"Awesome! Hey, can we get a vid on my phone of you doing an Ollie over that bench?" The guy pointed to the bench that Rei was sitting on and peacefully reading.

"Are you guys dumb? Does it look like I have my skateboard with me?"

"Oh, right. Well how 'bout we hang out sometime and you can show us a couple of tricks ya got?"

"Heh, I don't give lessons, especially to boys who are gonna use it as an excuse to say you went out with me." Actually, the reason why Asuka doesn't give lessons is because she isn't a very good teacher. She would probably beat the crap out of her student before they even learned anything. "If you want to learn something, go talk to Miss Honor Student over there." Asuka said pointing to Rei who was still reading her book like no one was there.

"…No thanks," they said. "That's what we go to school for." And with that, they left, feeling all rejected.

It's too bad that the boys didn't know that Rei was the one that taught Asuka how to ride a board.

-Returning once again to the funderful tour

"Here's our cafeteria for all your nutrition needs," Maya said as they entered the seating area.

"There is one thing that I have to tell you though," Masataka warned. "The Udon noodles…"

"The Udon noodles…" repeated Shinji suspiciously.

"Yes, you have to be careful when you buy them." He told Shinji in a very serious tone. This was then followed by a smack in the head with a big metal spoon.

"Hey, are you criticizing my cooking?" said the person who smacked Masataka in the head.

Turning around, Shinji saw that the one with the big metal spoon was in fact just as hot as Aya. She was wearing a bandana over her short brown hair that was pulled back into pigtails with an apron over what looked like another high school's uniform. "Wow, this lunch lady is as hot as the nurse!" he thought. "Too bad she isn't wearing something skimpy like a nurse outfit."

"Ah ha ha, sorry Chiaki," Masataka apologized as he rubbed the bump on his head. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what _do_ you mean?" she asked with arms crossed.

"I was just about to tell him about all the times that I had to buy a second bowl because I somehow manage to drop a bowl of Udon every time I get one."

"So now you're accusing me of cheating you out of money?"

"No it's just…!"

"Ahem!" Having Maya clear her throat is a magical way to get people to stop arguing. "Shinji, let me introduce you to Ms. Chiaki, she'll make sure you don't go hungry."

"Wait," she said a little excitedly, "you're Shinji? Shinji Ikari?" He nodded. "Wow, I finally get to meet the big hero! I'm honored! So what do you think of the school so far?"

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna like it here, especially if all the people working here are as hot as you!" Just to let you know, Shinji thought that last part; if he didn't he would've got the crap beat out of him.

"Great! I…" as she was about to say something a rattling sound was coming from the kitchen. "Oh crap! Well, hope you enjoy your first day!" Chiaki ran back to the kitchen where some soups were about to over boil. "Oh yeah, Captain, please give this to Bob when you return." She quickly turned around and blew a kiss towards them.

"Don't worry," Shinji said catching the kiss. "I won't forget."

"Ha ha ha, Shinji I meant for Captain Katsuragi to deliver it. But don't worry, I'll give you a special treat if you come down during lunch." She winked at Shinji then went off to take care to the food.

"Shinji…" Misato called out to the daydreaming boy. "Shinji!"

"Huh? Did I miss something?" he said snapping back to reality.

"I need to give that kiss to Bob." She pointed to Shinji's hand that was clenched.

"Oh right, here you go," he passed on the kiss to Misato.

"I bet you wanted to keep that for yourself, didn't you?" She asked teasingly.

"No I didn't!" he lied again.

"Oooh, you'd better be careful not to make Bob angry or you'll be getting yourself into deep trouble." Misato gave Shinji evil plotting look.

"Wait, Bob?" said Shinji confusedly. "Dude sitting in front of the desk and reading a newspaper, that Bob?"

-Scene flashes to the broke down building Misato brought Shinji to when he first arrived, you know, the thing in the first chapter…

Inside of the building, the man with dreadlocks sitting in front of the desk got a sudden sensation in his nose. "aah… Aah… AAH…! ATCHOOOO!" After wiping his nose off he looked at his snot and spit covered newspaper. "…I need another paper." He threw the messy paper into a recycling bin by the desk then pulled out a conveniently placed fresh paper from inside one of the drawers and resumed his reading.

-Back to school

"Yep, that's the one," Misato answered. "They've kinda been going out since forever…"

"Oh, so that's how she knows about me…" All of a sudden, the great mystery of why a lunch lady knows about Shinji being the Third Child was solved and the choirs of angels, (not _the_ Angels), began their song of praise.

-Back at the principal's office minutes later

"And here we are again at my office," Maya said as she jumped off of Masataka's shoulder and onto her desk. "So, do you think you'll be able to find your way around here with out getting lost?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can." Well the important spots at least. "Cafeteria, first floor third hall; nurse's office, first hall next to the bathrooms," was all that he was thinking. "Thanks for the tour!"

"I have to get back to some work that needs finishing," said Masataka as he made his way to the door. "So if there's anything you need just call me, I'll be in the office."

"Take it easy," said Misato as he waved back to them.

"Well," said Maya checking the clock. "It seems that we have more than enough time before classes begin. Would you like to see a video about the school?"

"Um, actually," Shinji was about to say that he would rather take a nap but then he felt a tremendous amount of murderous intent coming from behind him. "Uh, yes! Yes, I would!" he lied.

Smiling, Maya pulled out a disc then happily popped it into the player and the video began to play. It started out by showing a whole bunch of credits with _Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring_ playing in the background.

"Oh my gosh, this looks student made…" Shinji thought while keeping an amused look on his face.

"Well then, I have to get to work soon," lied Misato, "so I'll be leaving now if you don't mind."

"Sure, no problem! Thank you for stopping by!" Maya waved to Misato as she walked out the door.

"Anytime!"

"Traitor…" Shinji knew that Misato didn't have anything to do. She just wanted to get out of there. He continued to curse her in his mind as scenes of empty rooms changed to smiling students in gym class.

-A few minutes before the start of first period

The school was now filled with students both excited and dreading yet another year of school. Rei and Asuka were no exception, okay maybe Rei was an exception since she really doesn't get excited or hate anything… except for meat… and red… Anyway, Asuka was walking down the hallway behind Rei towards their classroom; they were always in the same class no matter what. Maya arranged for that to happen.

"Hey First, how do you think this year's gonna turn out?" Asuka asked as they stood in front of their classroom. Rei made no response as she slid the door open. "Really… sounds inspiring."

As she entered the room, Asuka spotted a certain pig-tailed girl standing by the window and talking to a certain brown-haired girl who was sitting on a desk. She grinned at the sight of them. Noticing who had just walked into the room the two girls immediately stopped their conversation and looked up at her.

"Ew Hikari," said the brown-haired girl loudly with a grin. "Look at the slut that just came in the room." The class rep giggled as Asuka made her way towards them.

"Ew, it's those whores, Mana and Hikari," Asuka said to Rei. "Don't go near them, you might get herpes."

Mana got up in Asuka's face. "You bitch," she said glaring at the smirking German. After a few seconds, Mana's serious visage broke and she just started cracking up then flung her arms around Asuka and hugged her. "Ha ha ha, what's up girl?"

"Nothing much," said Asuka as she let go then gave Hikari a hug.

"Oh my gosh," said Hikari as she watched Rei from over Asuka's shoulder. "What happened to Ayanami?"

Asuka thought for a second then casually said, "The usual."

"Work still being a bitch, huh?" said Mana. "If I got that messed up I would demand some serious worker's comp."

"Ha! If our company actually gave worker's comp we'd be out of business!"

"I still can't believe you work at the company, whatever it is… If I were you I'd quit right away," commented Mana. Both Mana and Hikari had no idea what kind of 'work' Asuka and Rei were doing; it was for their own safety of course.

"Oh hey! Guess what!" Hikari cheerfully said clapping her hands together...

"What is it? What is it?" said Asuka mockingly jumping up and down.

"I've got news that we're gong to getting a transfer student in our class."

"Of course Class Rep know everything," said Mana. "Okay, if they're coming in the beginning of the school year, would you still call them a transfer student?"

"Transfer student, new student, it doesn't matter. What does is the fact that it's a guy."

"Oooh, look like you've got the hots for him," Mana teased. "So, he must be cute, huh? What's his name?"

"I don't know, right now I know as much as you do."

Throughout the whole conversation al Asuka could think was, "Oh great, not only do I have to see that idiot at NERV but now at school too, what the…" And the ranting continued until…

"DING DONG DING DONG, DONG DING DONG DING," went the Winchester Chimes-ish bell.

"At this time all students should be in their homerooms," came a voice over the intercom. "Please stand for the pledge to the flag, if you're in the halls please stop." At this moment in time everyone stood up and put their right hand over their heart. Then commenced the pledge. "I pledge allegiance, to the flag, of the United States of Amer…"

"Wait a second, what the hell are we doing?" interrupted some random student.

"Quiet!" yelled the Class Rep to the student. "Show some respect when saying the pledge!"

"But Class Rep, we're Japanese students, not some silly American high schoolers," the student pointed out.

"Oh… that's right. Hikari let out a nervous laugh then mumbled, "Stupid author, what do you and embarrass me for you stupid flat chested girl. "This ain't your school."

-In the cozy home of the author

The author was happily typing along when she had a sudden sensation in her nose…

"Ah… Aah… AAAH…! ATCHOOO!" sneezed the author. Though she covered her mouth to catch the flying spit her poor thin nose vessels gave in and a spray of blood covered her computer monitor. "Shit…"

"Ew, that's sick…" went her brother who was passing by.

"Clean it up!" the author demanded.

"NEVER!" With this response came the author shooting sprays of blood at her grossed out brother.

-Back in the lovely world of Gestapo NERV

"Okay, take two," said Hikari holding up two fingers.

And with a little author magic little Ms. Horaki was able to rewind time…

"DING DONG DING DONG, DONG DING DONG DING," went the Winchester Chimes-ish bell.

"Rise! Bow! Sit!"

After all the students had taken their seats the door to the classroom slid open and in came a certain little girl with a young man with short brown hair. No, no, no, I don't mean Shinji I mean…

"WAAAA! It's Takayanagi-sempai!" squealed some of the girls. "Good morning, sempai!"

"Good morning," responded the boy causing a very entertaining reaction from many of the female population. (I love this guy, he's such a lady killer yet there's no love for him! Poor Masataka!)

"Well guys you should be thankful," said little Maya. "I've got some good news for you 'cause it's your lucky day for as of this day your class gets to have the special opportunity of adding a new member to your peers!" At that moment the whole class's attention turned to our hero making his way to the principal's side. "Please give him a warm welcome!"

"How do you do? I'm Shinji Ikari, it's a pleasure to meet you all," Shinji said with such poise and with such a fresh face that you never would've guessed that he was tired as hell.

"Kyaaah! He's almost as good looking as Takayanagi-sempai!" one girl quietly squealed to her friend yet not quiet enough that a few eavesdroppers couldn't hear.

"Oh, crap," Mana whispered. "You hear that Hikari? He's only just waked in and already he's got a fan club."

"Yeah, I know what you mean…" the pig-tailed girl responded while keeping a welcoming smile on her face. Both girls knew what a few rabid fan girls could do if they ever found a threat to the object of their affection.

Now in situations like these, it's always best to assume that you will see hell if the fan girls grow suspicious of you. So, in order to deliver thyself from the eternal flames, you have to convince them that there is absolutely nothing going on between the two of you, or in other words, stay the fuck away from him.

"Hmm, I would introduce you to your teacher but she doesn't seem to be here," the principle said to the boy. "Does anyone know where she is?"

"Oh," said some random student. "She's usually late so we're used to it. You know how she is."

As the boy finished his sentence the door slammed in and in the door way stood a female teacher with long brown wavy hair. "I'm always late, am I?" said the teacher a little angrily.

"Oh, Ms. Yukari there you are," said Maya.

The teacher was shocked to see Maya, and a little scared, cuz she was late to work and she did just kinda scare one of the students. "Ah, Principal Natsume, what brings you here?" She said nervously.

"I was just introducing the new student to the class. You remember, about Shinji?" Masataka took a step back to reveal Shinji who waved to his teacher with a bright and shiny hello.

"Oh, yes, Shinji, the transfer student, right…" She laughed nervously. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Ms. Yukari and I will be your foreign language and homeroom teacher."

"Nice to meet you," Shinji smiled again.

"Well," the principal said to the boy, "if there's anything you need just talk to your class representative." She pointed out the pig-tailed girl who was nervously waving to him.

"Whoa, it's that chick from the bus station!" he thought immediately recognizing her. Cuz you know, he never forgets a pretty face. Shinji just gave her an acknowledging look and smiled widely, to Hikari's relief.

"I'm sure that Ms. Horaki will be glad to help in any way she can."

"Hikari Horaki…" he thought to himself. "H-squared, cool."

"Well, I've got some work to take care of," said Maya as Masataka headed to the door. "So be sure to study hard."

"We will Principal Natsume!" responded the class enthusiastically.

"Bye Takayanagi-sempai!" shouted a bunch of girls. Masataka just smiled and waved as he slid the door shut.

"Well now Shinji-kun," said Ms. Yukari taking her seat at the front desk. "Why don't we get you seated? Let's see…"She scanned the room for an open seat.

"Don't sit him next to me. Don't sit him next to me. Don't sit him next to me. Don't sit him next to me," Mana and Asuka repeated in their heads since both had open spots next to them. Thought Asuka could beat the crap out of all of the fan girls, she just didn't want to have to deal with Shinji the whole day.

"Ah!" Ms. Yukari said spotting a… spot. "Why don't you take the seat next to Ms. Kirishima?" At this point Mana went 'shit' and assumed the 'Rei position.' "Ms. Kirishima, please raise you hand for Shinji-kun." Reluctantly, Mana obeyed and Shinji promptly moved to his designated seat.

"Holy crap I'm sooooooooo tired…" Shinji thought as he sat down. He was about to lay his head on his desk when an image of a very pissed Misato entered his mind.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" it screamed at him. "It's the first day of school! Do you want to give everyone a bad impression of you?" I specifically…!"

"Alright! Alright! I get it!" Shinji thought back to the image which quickly disappeared. He then sighed then turned to his classmate to his right with a big glowing smile on. "Ms. Kirishima, right?"

"Crap, he's talking to me. Okay, stay calm, act normal and do the Rei thing." So Mana completely ignored Shinji and continued with the Rei act.

"…Okay," Shinji said confusedly. "Maybe she didn't hear me… What's she looking at?" Leaning forward Shinji checked out what was so interesting and saw Rei staring out the window in the same exact pose as Mana. "Whoa, they're like… twins! Only not!"

"Hm?" Looking at the back of the room, Ms. Yukari noticed Shinji staring at Mana who was desperately trying to keep her face out of Shinji's sight. "Ms. Kirishima, aren't you going to introduce yourself to Shinji?"

"Well, f…!" Mana started.

"Kirishima! I am shocked!" yelled a random and very obvious fan girl. "How could you be so rude?"

"Yes, she's right," Class Rep said. Mana looked up at her as if she had been betrayed. "It would be bad manners not to greet the new student."

The whole class was now fixed on Mana, well, that is all of the class except for Rei since she always stares out the window. Hikari was conveying some kind of mental message to Mana. Finally getting it, Mana sighed then began laughing embarrassedly.

"Ahahahaha! I'm sorry where are my manners? I guess I must've been caught up in all the excitement of the new year!" The moment she turned around Shinji's eye widened with surprise. "How do you do?" she greeted with that gigantically bright Mana smile of hers. "I'm Mana Kirishima." She stuck out a hand for him to shake.

Shinji got this extremely perplexed looked on his face. "Don't I…?" he started the paused when he noticed something written on the girl's hand. It read 'I DON'T NO U N U DON'T NO ME! TALK N U DIE!' Thought he wasn't sure what was going on, Shinji decided to play along anyway. "…I mean, don't worry about it. I get what you mean." His huge smile concealed his… WTF thoughts.

"Hahaha! Well, that's a relief. I'm glad you could understand," Mana confident she convinced everyone thought that that was Shinji and Mana's first actual encounter, faced the front of the room with a false sense of hope. She didn't realize that people were already jealous that were getting 'friendly.' You could tell just by looking at their scrunched up faces and glaring stares.

"Geeze," thought Asuka. "Why is everyone making such a big guess over him? That idiot!"

"Now that we're all settled in, I think it's about time we get started with today's lesson," said one of the coolest teachers in the world. "Since it's your first day back we'll start out…"

As Ms. Yukari continued to ramble on, Shinji was already starting to space out, mostly due to his massive amount of tiredness. Being that he was in a new school, it was only natural for him to have the urge to look around randomly around the classroom. Though the school was in a city constantly on the red level of terrorist attacks, there didn't seem anything special about it, like a big handy red button to call for help, or handy weapons strategically placed around the area. Of course, there was the fact that the principle was a little girl that spoke in an old dialect.

As Shinji's mind continued to wander, he noticed some girls in front of him were whispering to each other in a giggling sort of way. That was nothing interesting, but then one of them took a quick glance at Shinji before quickly turning back around when she saw him watching her. It was brief, but Shinji noticed that the girl was blushing.

"Ms. Suzuki!" Ms. Yukari called to the blushing girl.

"Yes?" she responded nervously.

"Is there something interesting you would like to share with us?" The girl shook her head. "Good, then maybe you can translate this sentence for us¡Te quiero, estudiante nuevo¡Quiero tendré tus bebés!"

The girl stared nervously at her teacher. "I… don't… know…" she quietly admitted.

"Oh that's okay, can anyone else translate this for me?" All the students stared. Rei was probably the only one who actually knew what it meant. "I just love the enthusiasm. Well, let's break it down." She walked up the front of the room and wrote it on the board. "Now, the first part is a reflexive verb meaning…"

ADD kicking in, Shinji started his gaze wandering again. This time his sights came upon his blue-haired teammate who was still staring out the window.

"I wonder if that's all she does…" he thought. "That's all that's she's been doing since I came in the room. What is she staring at? What's so interesting? How the hell did she beat the crap out of me and Asuka this morning when still has to wear a sling and an eye patch? I couldn't have sucked that bad? And I didn't her arm already heal a couple days ago?"

"…is the conjugate form of the…?" questioned the teacher.

"Future tense!" answered the class.

"Right! So, Ms. Suzuki, can you translate this now?" Ms. Yukari was grinning. The girl said nothing and stared straight at her desk to hide her completely red face and the giggling classmates only made her condition worse. Luckily, Shinji wasn't paying attention or he might've been doing the same thing as the girl, that's if this was old Shinji. But this new and improved Shinji would laugh along with the class and say something embarrassing like, 'I got no problem with that.'

But, Shinji didn't know what was so funny, so he just smiled to go along with the class. "I want to go to sleep…"

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A/N: If there are no quotes, there is no talking going on.

_Now we join the author with the mangled body of Shinji..._

**Me:** raiding Asuka's room "I don't know how many of you are American but I watched this show during the summer called _America's Got Talent_. It was pretty awesome. But I must say that the best part of it was this guy called Leonid the Magnificent."

**Shinji**: "..." is saying nothing cuz he's dead

**Me:** pulls out one of Asuka's bikini's "I mean this guy was soooo flamboyantly gay... I loved it, it was so f-ing hilarious. I mean, the dude was this huge Russian, I think, guy, all buff and built and tall as crap, and he was f-ing gay! How can you say that that's not hilarious.

**Shinji:** does nothing as the author puts him in one of Asuka's bikini's

**Me:** "And to make it even better, the dude was like flirting with David Hasselhoff. David Hasselhoff! On national television!"

**Shinji:** does nothing, cuz he's dead

**Me:** starts wheeling Shinji in a wheelbarrow to Kirby's holding cell "Man, that was great, it's too bad I could only see him perform three times, even if people say things about him, the dude's got some serious skillz. How many people do you know can hulahoop with their butt?"

**Shinji:** dead, dead, he's not coming back to life... yet...

**Me:** dumps the dead body just out of sight from the stoned guards "But yeah, I'm gonna miss the summer, school's gonna suck this year..."

_Will the author succeed in saving her favorite puffball? Find out, next time in **Random Rants After the Story!**_

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A/N: For those of you who don't know much Spanish, or couldn't use clues to figure out what the Spanish meant, the sentence that Ms. Yukari said translates into "I want you, new student! I want to have your babies!" I want my rulers back... But yeah, WOO HOO, I'm old! Wait. that's... that's... _BOMB A HEAD!_ Sorry, that song's just too catchy... and yeah, Ms. Yukari, she's like the best teacher in the world. She's like my Spanish teacher... but Japanese. And yeah, I was like Shinji in this chapter on my first day of school. But I actually gave up in the end and fell asleep... I have a problem with staying awake in class... But yes, reviews, flames, comments, random comments, I accept everything, if you want to give feedback. There was a lot of dialogue in this chapter wasn't there...


	8. Viper Bite

**Gestapo NERV**

_**New Feature! **_Question of the Day: If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?

A/N: _Take back your mink, take back your pearls, what made you think, that I was one of those girls._ Huh? Oh hi, uh, you didn't see me singing, ahem, stupid musicals... KAPOW! What's up guys, happy 4th of July! Ahaha, it's been a while hasn't it, like almost ten days since I last updated! Huh, not days? Weeks then? No, not even that? Over ten months! Wow, geez such a long time, well time does pass pretty quickly when you're dead. Yeah, there was this little incident when in the sewers with the alligators and super ninjas that... Oh, that story's for another time. Right now your main priority is to read this fic and... ENJOI!

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Chapter 8: Viper Bite

Once again, we join our good friends, the three chosen children, in the midst of their funderful educational experience. After an exciting morning exercise in the NERV simulation room, third child Shinji Ikari struggles to overcome his heavy exhaustion and fulfill the expectations of his senior officer and guardian, Misato Katsuragi. So far Shinji has managed to keep his composure throughout his Spanish class, just barely keeping his face from sagging and his head from dropping. Now he must brave the terrible task of persevering through his next dreaded class… HISTORY!

"…And thus, the second impact resulted in the death of over seventy percent of the world's population. That brings us to today when…"

"Please, God! Make it stop!!!"

Yes dear friends, the poor Shinji Ikari couldn't take anymore of the teacher's old man lectures. In order to occupy himself, Shinji began twirling his pencil between his fingers as he tried to look attentive. That's when his mind began to stray again.

"Maybe if I lay my head down for a few minutes I'll feel better…" he thought as he started to lower his head. "NO!!! I can't, Misato'll kill me!" He quickly straightened him self out and stretched back on his chair. "But then again, how's she gonna find out? Wait, she probably wants me to think that way. She probably got Rei and Asuka to keep an eye on me." He quickly glanced over at the two who were jotting down random notes. "Ooh, I bet she did that tricky little bi…"

"Ikari-kun?" called out the teacher.

"Huh? Oh, um… I mean, Yes sir?"

"Are you feeling ill?" he asked concernedly.

"Not at all! I feel perfectly fine!" The boy smiled brightly to justify himself.

"Are you sure? You sounded like you were in pain."

"Pain…?" Shinji was unaware of all the grunting and snarling he was doing whilst bemused with his inner conflict. "Really, I'm fine. Please, continue!"

The teacher frowned slightly. "I can understand that you don't want to miss anything important but I don't want you to make yourself sick. I really think that you should go see the nurse."

"I'm fine rea..." In the middle of sentence the word 'nurse' all of a sudden became that much more significant. "Nurse…?" he thought. "As in gigantic boob lady in the super tight mini-skirt uniform nurse… Hmm…" Shinji grinned to himself. "Well, now that you mention it," he groaned lightly clutching his stomach, "I am starting to feel a bit faint."

"Sensei!" called out one of the fan girls as she shot out of her seat raising a hand. "I volunteer to escort Shinji to the nurse!"

"Very well then, you may go. Take your time."

The girl's face lit up with joy. "YES!!!" She was rejoicing in her mind. "Maybe I can fuck him in the hall and…"

"No, that's okay. I'll be fine on my own," Shinji replied modestly. The girl's face drooped and all elation suddenly faded away.

"Are you sure?" the teacher asked.

"Of course," replied Shinji. He weakly rose from his seat and made his way to the door. "Please, don't worry about me, I've already wasted too much of your valuable learning time."

And with that the smiling Shinji left the class speechless as he dragged himself away. The fan girls sighed, enamored with Shinji's faux display of masculinity.

"Oh my gosh," Asuka thought as the class remained awkwardly silent. "That idiot is way stupider than I thought. And why the hell does the whole class have to fawn all over him, it's not like he controls them… Or does he?"

-Nurse's Office

"Ms. Aya?" Shinji called out as he knocked on the office door. There wasn't any response. "…Oh man I'm tired," he yawned as he stretched out his back. "Maybe I'll just chill here for a bit…" he thought to himself as he sat down in a chair.

As he stared at the light, a familiar feminine voice suddenly pervaded the ears of young Shinji Ikari. "Yes, just hold that there and keep pressure on it. Keep it pinched tight, alright?" it said.

"Ow, it kinda hurts," replied the voice of a fellow male student.

The female voice giggled. "Hee, that's because you're pushing too hard, silly."

"Whoa, whoa," thought Shinji as he sat up. "What's going on here?" Intrigued, the boy carefully walked up to doorway in the direction of that voice.

"Ah really, you should learn to relax more, you're just gonna make a bigger mess," said the female voice once more.

"Oh, sorry Ms. Natsume…"

"Don't worry about it, just remember to that." She gave a little giggle. "Now don't move. I have to put some of this on to keep it moist."

"What the crap!" thought Shinji in shock. "Inappropriate 'things' going on between the staff and the student body?! I don't care if I get caught! This is some good stuff…" So, as inconspicuously as he could, Shinji decided to check out the situation.

"Is this really necessary?" asked the boy confusedly. "I mean…"

"Not really, but it's better this way," responded the nurse.

Finally getting the courage to actually stick his head out, Shinji discovered the two were actually doing something weird but disappointingly, it wasn't anything inappropriate.

"Hmm…" Shinji pondered as he watched the two. "Why is she sticking a q-tip up his nose…?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Nurse Aya spotted the boy. "Oh, Shinji!" she called out giving him a start. "You don't have a nose bleed too do you?"

"Huh?" he asked confusedly as he stepped out from behind the wall. "Why would I have a nose bleed?"

"Well you see," she said as she threw away the q-tip, "for some reason a lot of the students that have been sent down here had sudden nosebleeds that moment I saw them."

Shinji looked over at the boy who grinned at him. Obviously, word about the new nurse had gotten around.

"…Must be the Ai Zhao Dao syndrome," Shinji lied.

"The what? Oh, you can go back now," said Aya to the kid who took one last glance at Aya's ass as she bent down to get pick up some fallen papers. Shinji just shook his head as the boy happily pranced back to class.

"The Ai Zhao Dao syndrome," repeated Shinji. "It's a sort of start of the new year excitement epidemic."

"Really? I've never heard of it before."

"Yep, it's actually quite common among students these days. Its syndromes include spontaneous nosebleeds and frequent visits to the Nurse's Office."

"How horrible! I can't imagine how someone could live in such a terrible condition! Oh!" Aya, in the midst of her lament, suddenly realized that Shinji wasn't visiting to just to see her, even thought he kinda was. "I'm sorry, I forgot. Is there something you need?"

After a moment's thought, Shinji realized that coming here would actually serve more purpose than filling his eyes. "Actually yeah, I was wondering if I could get anything that helps fight fatigue."

Aya put her hand to her chin thoughtfully. "…Do you mean something like coffee?"

"Yeah… but WAAAAY stronger."

"That's right, I remember now. Even though you were hiding it I could tell you were totally burnt out."

"You could…?" Shinji pouted.

"Of course I could! I am the nurse after all, but don't worry, you were very convincing," she beamed. As much as Aya tried to cheer Shinji up, he still feared what Misato would do to him for not 'trying hard enough.'

Aya walked over to one of the cabinets and began searching through some pretty weird looking stuff. You know, like things with skulls on the labels, some scalpels, and a roll of tissue paper. "Let's see… Umm, where did I put it…? Ah! Here we go!" She pulled out a small, brown, unlabeled vial and handed it to Shinji.

The boy stared at it warily. "What's this… it looks suspicious…"

"Secret Viper Potion!" Aya proclaimed and triumphantly pointed to the ceiling.

"…Huh?"

"Viper Potion! It's a super potent cure-all drink that brings you back to your full strength and even gives you a power bonus for a short amount of time! Of course, there are side effects with a potion as strong as this, but the results are well worth it!"

"Side effects…? What kind are we talking about here?"

"Well, once you take this, your health will be brought all the way down to one point regardless what your remaining amount is."

"…Say what?"

"Ahahaha! I'm only kidding," Aya giggled. "That's just some special Ginseng Elixir! Yeah, yeah, that's it!" She scratched the back of her head and looked around with shifty eyes.

"…Are you serious?" Shinji stared at the nurse.

"Of course," she said through gritted teeth. "I really had you going there didn't I?" She laughed nervously. "Well what are you waiting for? Go on! Drink up!"

"Okay…" Shinji hesitated before uncorking the vial. Pouting, the boy swished around the contents then gulped down the whole thing. The two stood still waiting for some kind of effect.

"Well?" asked Aya cheerily.

Shinji stared off into space and made a weird face. "Um, I don't feel much diff… BUUUUUURRRP!!!" Shinji's eyes shot open. "WHOA!" he yelled in a super energized voice. "WHA WUZ ZAT?"

"Oh, don't worry about that, it's just the stuff starting to take effect," explained Aya as she fanned away the stench.

"WHOO HOO HOO HOOOO!" Shinji whooped and hollered as he bounced off the walls like a squirrel on red bull mixed with pixy sticks. "WOW! THIS STUFF IS AMAZING I ALREADY FEEL SO…" As Shinji was in the middle of a handstand he stopped and grabbed his stomach. "Ugh, what's going on…?" he groaned.

"Oh no! I almost forgot about the second stage!" Aya quickly picked the groaning boy off of the floor and dragged him towards the door.

"Gehh… I think I'm gonna explode…"

"Quick!" Just as Shinji was about to burst, Aya shoved him out into the hallway where…

BRAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!

…he let out the loudest, foulest fart the world has yet to witness.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THIS STUFF IS AWESOME!!!"

"Yes, yes, I'm glad that it works!" said Aya as she peeked her head from behind the slightly ajar door. She quickly covered her nose with her shirt when the _essence du ass_ reached her. "Now hurry up and get back to class before your teacher scolds you."

"OSU!!!" Shinji shot a fist into the air. And with that Shinji darted down the hallway at the speed of sound, screaming and hooting.

"What a fun little boy," Aya giggled to herself.

With all of the hooting and hollering, it was needless to say that many of the teacher's were aggravated by the inexcusable noise in the hall. "Hey!" shouted one of the aforementioned, "what are you doing during…!!! OH DEAR LORD!!!" Gagging and gasping for breath, the teacher hastily retreated back in to his classroom.

"BWAHAHAHA! I DON'T FEEL TIRED AT ALL!!!" Rounding a corner, Shinji skidded to a stop in front of his classroom. "SENSEI!!! I'M BACK AND READY FOR AC-…!!!"

The boy stopped mid-sentence when he realized that the classroom was completely empty, well, that was except for fellow child, Rei Ayanami, who was at that moment changing into her gym uniform. Though the first child realized that the boy was watching, she just glanced at him for a split second and then completely ignored him.

"Whoa..." Shinji thought as he watched, frozen in his place. "Sooo hot… but then again, I guess you would get that kind of body after all that training and ass kicking that she does…" He nodded in agreement with himself.

Rei finished straightening out her shirt to the best of her ability with the one arm that she had available. Shinji kinda felt bad that he was taking advantage of his completely indifferent and temporarily handicapped co-worker. Then he thought about this morning and how he totally got his ass handed to him and all of a sudden, all those feelings of guilt magically disappeared. As soon as she was done, she exited the room and proceeded to her obvious destination without giving even as much as a glance towards the peeping idiot.

"Thank you for this reinvigorating scene…" Shinji said to the powers above as his mind forever engraved those images in the extensive banks of his memory. "It's good to be alive…" he sighed. "Oh crap! Where did the class go!? Oh right! Rei was wearing a gym uniform so that must mean that they're… um, doing a cosplay photo shoot in the studio! No, wait! That's not what I mean! I mean in the middle of fitness fundamentals class!!! Yeah, that's gotta be it!!!"

So, in a flash, the super caffeinated boy sped off towards the gymnasium/locker room area.

"Uh, where was that again… somewhere on the first floor…" He thought out loud after turning a couple corners. Shinji was completely lost; you didn't think that he could get the layout of the whole school in one day did you? He's not that smart. "Oh, well tour number two coming up! Hahahaha!" Shinji's caffeine high was pissing off those currently in class on the first floor… the poor souls…

-Outside, Gym Class

"Alright guys, sound off when you hear your name," called out the teacher as he read the names off the clip board. "Aida?"

"Here," answered the little nerdling.

"Ayukawa?"

"Here."

"Chikamoto?

"Yo."

"Degawa?"

"Nnh…"

"Endo?"

"Haaa…?"

"Fujimori?"

"Wut up."

"Hashimoto?"

"Word to your mother."

"Hazuki?"

"Sup."

"Ikari?"

No response…

The teacher looked up. "Ikari?" he called out once more, but still nothing. "Does anyone know where Ikari is?"

-Meanwhile, in the cafeteria

"YO!" Shinji called out. "How's it goin' Ms. Chiaki?"

"Hey!" replied the lunch lady cheerfully. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in class right now?"

"That I should! But I kinda got lost on the way over so I just decided to pass by!"

Chiaki laughed at Shinji's lively demeanor. "How thoughtful of you! I'm glad to see that you've pepped up from this morning."

"So am I! Hey, now that you mention it, you said that you were going to give me a special treat, didn't you."

"Hahaha! Well about that," Chiaki walked over to a small bowl filled with some freshly cooked soup. "I was going to give you some of this stamina soup since you did seem all that chipper this morning."

Shinji pouted again. "Was it really that obvious!!!" He cried inside as the demonic image of Misato grew uglier and uglier…

"Oh, I'm sorry," Chiaki apologized, thinking that she caused the boy to pout. "Would you still like to have this? I'll keep the bowl here and you can pick it up when you want it."

"Ooh really?" Shinji's face lit up. "That would rock!"

Chiaki poured the soup into a container then handed it to the boy. "There you are, now you come back here anytime you feel hungry or burnt out, alright?"

"Yep, I got it! Hey, thanks a lot!"

"No problem, well then off to class you go!"

"Alright," Shinji smiled. "Um, how to I get to the gym again?"

-Back Outside, Gym Class

"So no Ikari?" asked the teacher.

"Isn't that the new kid?" asked one student.

"Yeah, that kid went to the nurse earlier," replied another. "Upset stomach or something…"

"You'd think he'd be back by now…" commented random student.

"I bet I know why he isn't back yet," said Aida to himself as names continued to be called off.

A couple of other students surrounded him. "So what's the deal, Kensuke? You usually got the dirt on everything that goes on around here."

"You seriously don't know?" he asked in disbelief. The guys shook their heads. "Man you guys are slow… Anyway, rumor is that Principal Natsume's little sister is the new nurse."

"NO WAY!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!?"

"HEY! KEEP IT DOWN!" the teacher scolded.

"Sorry," apologized the boys in unison

"So you're really not joking about this?" asked one boy.

"Why would I lie?" Kensuke asked back.

"Well dude, I can't imagine Principal Natsume having a little sister…"

"Yeah man, it's like… like… being in heaven…"

"Yeah…" the group of boys sighed as they let their imagination get the best of them.

"Damn transfer kid, skipping class to get close with our hot nurse that we haven't even met yet…"

-Actually…

"La dii daa di daaaaa!!!" Shinji sung gaily as he skipped down the halls. "Hmm, I wonder where the gym could be… OOOH!" He quickly shot over to the window and pressed his face into the glass like a little boy. Looking down he found the members of his class stretching out on the ground. "Oooh! Oooooh! OOOOOOOOOH! I know those kids! That must be my class! WOOT! I found them!"

So, with out even putting thought into it he slid open the window then jumped all the way down from the second floor. With that inhuman speed of his, he dashed up behind the teacher and stood readily by his side.

"Alright guys, run three laps to warm up then stretch out… again." Sensing an unfamiliar presence, the teacher turned around and found and found the boy standing perfectly still with the sternest expression ever. "Who are you boy?"

"Shinji Ikari, sir, reporting for duty!"

The teacher stared at him, straight in the eye then said, "Well, why are you just standing here? Go get your uniform on and join the rest of the class!"

"OSU!!!" shouted Shinji as he ran off, but then stopped. "Erm, where's the locker room again?"

-1 minute later

"Back and ready for action, sir!" Shinji screamed energetically right into his teacher's ear.

The teacher poked his ringing ear. "Then why don't I see you on that track?" he asked. "Give me three laps, now!"

"OSU!!!"

Using that super energy of his, he started lapping everyone in the class. Needless to say, Shinji was the first one done his three laps even though he started minutes later than everyone else.

"What the crap! What's up with that; new kid pops up outta nowhere then totally shows us up!" complained one kid.

"Something probably happened when he visited that new nurse," sneered another.

"Yeah right, what could a nurse possibly do to make him act like that?" asked another. None of the students responded but just stared at him funnily. "Oh, Oooooh, got it."

"But there's one thing for sure," added Aida, "he's not just some ordinary kid."

"What are you talking about now?"

"Just look at him!" At this point in time, the boys all took a second to look at Shinji performing an effortless 200 degree split. "That's not natural!!!"

Many of the boys winced and grabbed their own crotches as they watched the boy do more insanely insane stretches. "Holy shit! What the hell is he made out of?"

"Maybe he's a gymnast, or dances… some shit like that," suggested another kid.

"That means he's athletic, right?" asked another.

"Or gay," said another. They all shrugged then looked back at Shinji.

"One, two, three, four. Two, two, three, four…" Shinji counted as he enthusiastically did some jumping jacks.

"Yeah, sure… whatever."

"Alright since it's the first day I won't bore you with forms for you to fill out and whatever," announced the teacher. "Divide yourselves into two teams and play a game of basketball."

"Alright!" The class whooped in joy.

"Hey, Kensuke!" called one student.

"Yeah what?" asked the bespectacled boy as he tied his shoe.

"Why don't you grab the new kid for us."

"Me? Grab him yourself! I'm tying my shoe right now!"

"C'mon, don't be such a fag!" insisted the boy as he shoved Kensuke towards Shinji.

"Alright, you don't have to call me a fag…" Kensuke grumbled to himself as he approached Shinji who at the moment was stroking his chin to help him decide which team he should join. "Hey! Ikari, right?" asked Aida casually.

"Yeah, but just call me Shinji," responded the boy. "What's up?"

"You wanna join our team? I can't let you just sit out on your first game at our school."

Shinji checked out the member's of his 'team,' and to be honest they really didn't seem that up to snuff. "Sure, why not!" He said agreeing to help them out of pity.

"Cool!" said Kensuke happily as he led Shinji towards the rest of the team. "Oh, and by the way I'm Aida. Kensuke Aida." He shook hands with his new found friend.

-In the basketball court

"Alright boys," said the teacher as he stood in the middle of the court with the ball in hand. "I want to see you guys working out there! I want to see blood, I want to see sweat, I want to see you die!" All the students slowly turned their heads towards their teacher thinking 'what the fuck…?' Seeing the classes lack of sense of humor the teacher sighed. "Whatever, just play." And with a blow of the whistle he threw the balls into the air and started the game.

Having the height advantage, Shinji's team got the tip off. With a swift pass a forward, Shinji's team (I'll say they're the jerseys) already got the ball up the court and was looking for a shot. The kid with the ball was being blocked by a couple of guys and had no clear shot so he passed it back to an open jersey kid that layed the ball up for an easy two points.

"YEAH MAN!!! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN ABOUT RIGHT THERE!" screamed Shinji triumphantly from the side lines. The whole class stared at Shinji as the shirts team passed off the ball. "C'MON!! LOOK, THAT DUDE'S WIDE OPEN!!! BL… FRIGGIN' BLOCK THE MAN!!"

"Uh, hey Shinji…" said Kensuke a bit irritated.

"WHERE YOUR D AT?"

"Shinji," he repeated, but the boy wasn't listening. "SHINJI!!!"

"Huh? Yeah, what is it?" asked Shinji in a normal tone.

"Yeah," Kensuke coughed, "would you mind toning it down a little, you're kinda freaking us out."

"Oh, sorry. I was just… WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? YOU COULD'VE BLOCKED THAT!!!" Shinji lost his control when he saw the shirts get a clear shot from in the paint.

"Damn, that kid needs to learn how to chill," chuckled one a kid. Kensuke nodded in agreement.

-10 minutes later

"WHAT WAS THAT? THAT WAS THE MOST PATHETIC PASS I'VER EVER SEEN!!!"

Kensuke and his benchwarmer buddy were both sprawled all over the ground. "Does he ever get tired?" asked benchwarmer buddy to the powers above.

"OH C'MON! THEY'RE CATCHING UP!!! YOU ONLY GOT A 10 POINT LEAD NOW!!!"

"Asking is pointless…" groaned Kensuke as he rolled over. He started to faze out and stare blankly at the teacher who was more than amused with Shinji's behavior. "Huh?" Freckle face perked up when he saw a familiar figure approaching the teacher. "So the little jerk actually decided to show up huh."

"Why are you late Suzahara?" asked the teacher sensing the approaching student.

"Sorry, I had somethin' I had to take care of at the hospital," he answered curtly.

The teacher faced Touji and matched stern faces. "Do you have a note?" Touji held out a piece of paper in his hand. Snatching the paper away, the teacher glanced at the boy then began reading the note. "Hmm, alright then. I'll excuse your tardiness this time. Well, why are you just standing there? Get in there." And without a word, Touji ran of towards Kensuke's direction. "No, no! I don't wanna see you and Aida goofing off anymore, go join the other team." The boy obeyed with out the slightest hint of perturbation.

"Yo! Touji!" said a shirt benchwarmer as he waved. "Decided to help us out?"

"Yeah, sure, why not," answered Touji coldly.

"Hey, what's up with you man? Why are you so…?"

"YEAH MAN!!! INTERCEPTED!!! INTERCEPTED!!! YO, DID YOU SEE THAT SWEET INTERCEPTION KENSUKE?"

"Um, Shinji this is basketball, not football," corrected our four-eyed friend. "In basketball they're called ste…"

"UNH SON!!! WHAT NOW!!! DON'T YOUR FACE FEEL TIGHT!!!?"

Touji stared at Shinji like he was some kind of freak, which he is. "What the hell's up with that guy?"

"Oh," spoke up random student number D, "that's Shinji. Yeah, he's been like that since the beginning of class."

"WHAT YOU GOT NAH SUCKA? YOU AIN'T GOT JACK!!!"

"Damn that kid's annoying…" Touji observed.

Random student number D looked up and Touji. "Well why don't you shut him up then."

"Fine." Touji took off his jacket and threw it on the ground. "Yo Fujimori!"

The one of the shirts' forwards stopped and looked over at Touji. "Hey, Touji! What's up man?"

"Lemme help you out, man," said Touji. "You look beat."

Fujimori smiled then patted Touji on the back. "Do your thing man."

So with the shirts in possession, the ball was swiftly worked up the court. Just as the shirt entered the paint two jerseys came out of nowhere and completely blocked the dude. The shirt was doing a good job keeping the jerseys from stealing the ball while looking for an opening.

"Hey, pass it up man!" screamed Touji up by the basket.

Shirt boy immediately maneuvered around the jersey defense and went to pass the ball up to Touji. The two jerseys went to block the pass but it was a feint! While the jersey boys were wondering what happened, the ball was passed back to a fellow shirt who ran by behind.

"WHAT THE HELL WHY WEREN'T YOU GUARDING THAT DUDE!!!" screamed an enraged Shinji from the sideline.

Shinji teams pissed off meter: 23.6 percent and rising…

And with a few slick moves, the shirts scored an easy field goal.

"HOLY CRAP, I CAN'T BELIVE YOU LET THAT GO IN!!!"

Piss-o-meter: 69.9999901919999000 percent and rising… wait, make that 70

"Uh, Shinji, you gotta keep it down man…" whispered Kensuke in a futile attempt to shut him up.

"Huh, keep what down?" asked Shinji in a totally different tone.

"Nevermind, it's nothing…" the nerdling sighed.

"The man's bipolar…" claimed benchwarmer letter 3.

Now jerseys in possession, the ball moved up the court quickly but then Touji came in from out of nowhere and stole the ball.

"Holy shit…" Shinji said. Yes, _said_, the boy was so impressed that he wasn't even mad that his team let the other team take the ball.

On the court a jersey rushed in to defend Touji but the little Osakan easily slipped passed him. Touji positioned himself at the 3-point line, bent his knees, and _swish_, nothing but net.

"Damn, that kids good…" murmured Shinji.

Kensuke looked up at Shinji with an amused look in his eyes. "Hmm? Impressed, Shinji?"

"Uh, yeah. I didn't think that there was anyone in this class that could actually play," he replied a little too loudly.

Piss-o-meter: 82.6 percent and rising…

"Hey, don't you think you're being a little harsh?" Kensuke asked nervously.

Shinji stared at Kensuke blankly then made a funny face. "…Harsh?" Shinji repeated confusedly.

"Never mind," sighed freckle face.

"Yo, benchwarmer number D," Shinji called to the other dude.

Piss-o-meter: 84.569 percent and rising…

"Do you know what the score is?"

"I think it's like 46-51 them…" answered benchwarmer number D apathetically.

Shinji's eyes shot wide open. "WHAT! 46-51!!!"

Benchwarmer picked his ear. "Yeah, did I st-stutter?"

"WHY ARE YOU LETTING THEM GET A LEAD? IT'S ONLY ONE GUY DOING ALL THE WORK, HURRY UP AND STOP HIM!"

Piss-o-meter: 93.54 percent and rising…

Back on the court, Touji continued to completely dominate the jerseys, stealing the ball over, and over, and over…

"HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GONNA LET THEM STEAL THE BALL?"

Piss-o-meter: 98.6 percent and rising…

Another steal…

"OH MY GAWD! YOU…"

Piss-o-meter: 99.654 percent

"…GUYS…"

Piss-o-meter: 99.683

"…REALLY…"

Pissy-ness: 99.86…

"SUUUUUUCK!!!"

Pissss: 99.954… WARNING! WARNING! ASS KICKING EMINENT!!!

The whole class practically turned towards Shinji and just glared at him in unison. Shinji, unaware of the situation, carried on with his rant.

"I mean really, if you want to see a real game just get Ayanami over there…"

Piss of Death!!!: ALERT! ALERT! SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW!

"She'd dominate all you guys just like that."

PISSED! 100 percent… PISSED!!! 100 percent… THE ASS KICKING OF THE BOY KNOWN AS SHINJI IKARI IS NOW AUTHORIZED!

"Alright kid," growled a kid from the jersey's as he stomped towards Shinji, "You're gonna be sorry your puny little ass ever… ACK!" Out of nowhere the kid fell to the ground as if something hit him hard in the side of the head.

"DAMN! What the hell happened?" demanded the teacher.

"I don't know!" said a kid checking his friend's pulse. "He just fell to the ground and now he's bleedin' like he got shot in the head or something!"

"What are you just standing around for? You boys, get him to the Health Suite! NOW!!!"

"Y-yes Sir!"

The teacher watched the boys struggling to carry their fallen comrade then looked over at benchwarmers. "Alright, you guys, go put on those pennies and fill in those gaps. Now! Now! NOW! C'mon ladies, we don't have all day!"

"Hey, Shinji, that's us," Kensuke called out and tossed a sweaty penny at the boy.

The boys ran out onto the courts and huddled up with the rest of their fellow jerseys.

"Alright guys," said the jersey's point guard. "So Touji's totally ownin' all of our asses. We gotta step it up. The biggest problem is…"

Now Shinji was still all hyped up on that "elixir" that the Nurse gave him so it's understandable that he would start to space out. Just recently, Shinji's attention was caught by a gigantic zit on the forehead of the guy standing right in front him. It took all of Shinji's self restraint to keep himself from just reaching over and squeezing the living puss out of the gargantuan mass of white.

"…You got that new kid?" the point guard asked Shinji.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure, I got it," Shinji replied.

And thus, the meeting was adjourned. All of the kids returned to their assigned position, except for Shinji. He was so transfixed by the zit on that kids head that he even followed him to his position.

"What the hell is he doing…?" groaned the point guard. "Kensuke, you sure this kid can play."

The boy's scrunched his freckly face. "Hey, Ikari!" Shinji removed his attention from the zit then looked for who ever called out his name. "You're on the wrong side of the court! You're supposed to be forward!"

"What? Oh, oh alright," laughed to boy as he ran to his proper position.

The jerseys watched nervously as Shinji stood smilingly at his spot. They had this impeding feeling of doom, which was probably caused by the gym teacher who was watching very intently, and when I say very intently I mean that he's probably make the losing team do hundreds of suicides before they even get a chance to sit down.

"After losing lead scorer to their team, can the jerseys hold their own against Touji? We'll find out as the game ensues. With the jersey's in possession, they get the pass off and get the ball up to mid-court. A shirt quickly runs up to defend. The jersey kid with the ball, unsure of what to do, pivots, looking for a chance to pass the ball. He brings it back and the jersey and finds room to jump up. Ikari is wide open and gets the ball tossed to him and… Oh no! What's this? He's not paying attention and the ball whizzes right past him! What's going on? The lights are on but no one's home. Should that boy even be on the court? I mean…"

"Hey," calls out the gym teacher to short little girl standing next to him and speaking into a recorder. "Who the hell are you? And why are you doing crappy commentary on my class?"

"Me?" responds the girl, as she pauses the recorder. "I'm the, um, official records… person thing-a-ma-bob and uh… Hey look, it's the King of all Cosmos!" The girl stabbed a finger at the sky in hopes of distracting the teacher but he did nothing but give the girl a penetrating glare. "Ohkay, you didn't fall for that… right then… Uh, can I finish my, uh you know, recording?" The teacher continued to stare at the girl, not blinking. The little girl began to sweat and gulped.

"…Just don't distract my class," answered the teacher warningly.

"Alright! Thanks teach!" Pushing the pause button again on the recorder, little girl resumed her commentary. "And now we're back ladies and gentleman. On the court Touji and the shirts continue their relentless, aggressive plays. Shirts in possession, they dribble up the court and pass off to Touji. A jersey rushes in to block, but Touji slips behind him, makes his way to the three point line, and SWISH! Another beautiful shot!

"Jerseys back with the ball, they quickly get the ball up the court. Looking for an opportunity to shoot, the jerseys carefully start walking around the paint; then a shirt makes a grab for the ball and misses! With a clear shot the jersey shoots the ball and… Oh! An excellent block by Touji! It's like a complete slaughter out there with the Touji… Wait, what's this! Shinji sprints in out of nowhere and tips the ball in! Two points for the jerseys! What a shocker! Space cadet managed to surprise everyone and pull off a beautiful play!

"Now it's the shirts' turn at the ball. They make a break for it! Right at the hoop Touji takes the ball, jumps, oh, nice double clutch, and shoots! Two poi…! No, wait! Shinji denies it! The jerseys get the rebound and pass it up the court for an easy two points! Whoa, whoa, what's going on here? They boy who couldn't even pay enough attention to catch a pass is walking all over shirts and totally putting Touji to shame! I mean, the sparks are starting to fly folks. Just look at those faces of intensity on…"

"Hey, keep to the game. I didn't give you permission to talk about my students," said the teacher firmly.

"Er, yes sir," muttered the little girl. "Uh, so the jerseys have the ball. Shirts try their best to block but it's just not happening. They shoot, but it's a no go. Touji gets the rebound. Whoa, that's a bit cocky. Totally ignoring his teammates Touji charges towards the basket alone! The jerseys try to catch up to him but he's just too fast! He makes it to the paint and… It's stolen! Shinji just at the last second steals the ball from Touji! The shirts scramble to recover the ball but it's no use; Shinji passes the ball all the way on the other side of the court and they score another two points! Boy, have the tables turned! I hope I'm not the only one who's this shocked!

"Alright folks, teach has just informed me that there's only 16 seconds left on the clock, it could go either way with the jerseys only a point behind! This is it folks, the shirts have the ball and are looking to wind down the clock, just walking up the court. But the jerseys won't stand for that! A jersey knocks the ball out of their hands and they're movin' in for the win! Touji rushes in and blocks the basket and following right behind him is Shinji! Shinji waves to his teammate to pass it but how is he ever going to get past Touji? Only a few more seconds and the shirts wi… Hold on! The jersey fakes left and bounces the ball to Shinji! He catches it in mid-air and… IT'S AN ALLEY-OOP! Can you believe it! SLAM DUNK! The shirts win! What a complete upset! Who would have thought you could witness such an amazing come from behind victory in the middle of a local high school gym class! A true display of leadership and teamwork, it goes to show that with the give effort and cooperation no goal is unreachable whether it be winning a game or defeating the ange…"

"Hey, the games over, no one wants to hear some stupid inspirational speeches from an idiotic girl," said the teacher. The little girl flinched, immediately stopped recording and looked up at the teacher smiling uncomfortably. "This your first time commentating?"

"Yup!" the girl said proudly.

"I can tell."

-On the court

"Hey Ikari, that was some pretty sweet ballin', man," said one kid as he followed him to the water fountain.

"Thanks man!" responded Shinji.

"You know, at first I thought you were all talk, but I'm sorry I doubted you! You're alright man!" Laughing, the boy gave Shinji a good smack on the back. No sooner than when the boy's hand made contact did Shinji spew blood from the mouth and collapsed.

"HOLY…!" screamed one student. "What the hell did you do to Ikari!"

"Nothing! I just gave him a pat on the back!" answered the boy, taking a few steps back.

"Yeah right! A pat on the back doesn't make people puke up blood all over the place!"

While the boys continued to freak out, Shinji stared up at the sky and slowly started to slip into unconsciousness.

"Oh," he thought, "the clouds are really pretty today… I wonder how things are going back home… Oh, mom, is that you? Hi mom! Hmm, what's that? You want me to follow you…? Okay mommy…"

"Check it out! His eyes are starting to glaze over!"

"No, don't do it Ikari!" screamed Kensuke. "Don't go towards the light!"

"Hold on mommy," Shinji called out in his mind. "Don't move so fast, I'm coming! Please wait mommy, don't leave me! Huh…? Where did all the light go…? It's getting dark, and cold. Mom…"

Minutes later, Shinji started to regain consciousness. As he blinked his eyes open, a vision of a very white and clean room started to blur in.

"…nji," came a familiar voice.

Turning his head in the direction of the voice he saw the glowing figure of female's form. "…Mom? Is that you?" he asked weakly.

"Shinji," it called again.

"Mom!" With an unknown energy the boy shot up and hugged the woman. "I can't believe it's really you! I'm so happy to see you after so long. Does this mean that we're in heaven?"

"Heaven? Oh silly boy, of course not" the woman chuckled.

"Huh," Shinji let go of the woman and took a step back. "What do you mean? You're not my mom, are you?"

"Oh Shinji, you really are naïve," chuckled the woman. "You really thought that you'd get a cheap ticket to heaven." The figure of the woman stopped glowing and the face became clearer and clearer. Eventually the face of Misato revealed itself and grew bigger and uglier with each second as blazing flames shot out from underneath and surrounded him. "You really thought you could get into heaven after disobeying me. Ahahaha, of course not. I did warn you that there would be hell to pay, so now you get to spend the rest of eternity with me. Hehehe. Bwahahahaha! BWHAHAHAHAHA!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"

"Shinji? SHINJI!" cried out a woman's voice.

"No! Get away from me! I don't want to be dead!" screamed the boy as he thrashed around.

"Shinji no one's going to kill you so please, calm down!" said the woman in a comforting tone.

Realizing that the one talking wasn't the devil herself, Shinji started to relax. He opened his eyes and found himself laying in one of the beds in the nurse's office and the smiling face of the youngest of the Natsume siblings sitting at the foot of the bed.

"…Uh, hiya Ms. Aya," said the boy embarrassedly. "How are things going with you?"

Aya chuckled. "Ah, well you know, the same stuff," she answered cheerfully. "The Ai Zhao Dao syndrome has been keeping me on feet all day. I don't think I've ever had to deal with anything so troublesome before. The poor students…" Shinji casually nodded, completely understanding the whole conspiracy behind the situation. "So how are you feeling Shinji? Do you have any pain or headaches?"

He took a moment to pat himself down for anything funky. "Nope," he replied, "none that I know of."

"That's good to hear," said nurse Aya as she hopped off the bed. "Since you're feeling okay, I'll let you go home now." Aya handed him his bag and clothes that had been delivered by a fellow student.

"Go home? Shouldn't I go back to class?"

"Silly boy, do you think I want you going back to class and risking you passing out like that again?"

Putting that thought into consideration, Shinji realized that the hot nurse had a point. Not only that, but he would also have a legit excuse to go home early and catch up on some sleep before having to head to NERV.

"Well… if you really think I should then I guess I'll be going now." Shinji climbed out of the bed and started to walk out the door, grinning from ear to ear. "Bye Ms. Aya, I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Okay Shinji. You take care!"

-15 minutes later

"Oh crap, I think I'm lost again." Shinji groaned as the door behind him swung shut.

Yes, Shinji was definitely lost for in front of the boy were the facilities in which the school's students used in times of relieving themselves of bodily fluids and/or wastes and their means of sanitizing after relieving themselves; in other words, the potty. However, this potty was not one that Shinji would normally see during the school hours for this potty lacked urinals and a male presence other than himself. And let's not forget the horrified looks of the girls as Shinji just stood there speechlessly. Yes dear friends, Shinji had accidentally walked into the girls' bathroom.

"So," spoke up Shinji hesitantly, "can one of you guys tell me how to get to the parking lot? I'm kinda new here so…"

"PERVERT!" one girl cried.

"Uh oh…"

"Get the hell out of here you sicko!" another girl screamed as Shinji bolted out of there.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to… Whoa! Man these chicks are frickin' crazy!" Shinji exclaimed while dodging rolls of tissue, soap dispensers, toilet seats, and flying monkeys.

"And don't you ever show your face to us again or we'll smash it in!"

-42.6 seconds later

"Wow, Shinji, what happened to you?" asked Chiaki as she stared at him all TP-ed. "You look like you just walked into the girls' bathroom and got threatened to get your face smashed in after asking for directions to the parking lot."

Shinji pulled off the tissue paper that he was covered in and tossed it into the trash. "Yeah it's a long… wait, how did you know all that?"

"It's all here in the first draft of the story." The lunch lady held up a crumpled piece of paper.

Shinji stared, dumbfounded. "You can actually read that chicken scratch?"

"Well actually," Chiaki said taking in a deep breath, "for a while I thought it was an ancient parchment with hieroglyphics recording the great skirmish between the legendary pink puffball and the fabled red-haired demon of Deutschland but after a good five hours of thorough examination I realized that it was just the pathetic fanfic of an overly-retarded high school student who has the most horrible handwriting ever yet somehow manages to keep the writing legible."

"…I can't believe you said that all in one breath. You're frickin' amazing," Shinji said in hopes of scoring a few points.

"Haha, I'll take that as a compliment," Chiaki straightened out her bandana (somehow Shinji's plan worked). "So, I guess that you're here to pick up your…" Chiaki stopped, noticing that Shinji was nodding off. "He's fallen asleep already?" She reached over the counter and poked the unconscious boy in the eyeball. "No reaction, I guess whatever Aya gave him must've totally burnt him out. What to do, what to do…" She began to ponder for a solution as she shoved some chopsticks up the sleeping teen's nose. Then it hit her like a trillion ton belly flop. The lunch lady hopped over the counter, straightened out her apron, then took a deep breath.

"OMG! Look, it's Michael Jackson!"

"WHERE? WHERE? I LOVE YOUR WORK!" After Shinji had finished freaking out, he saw Chiaki cracking up and clutching her stomach, making him feel like a complete dumbass. There were also those chopsticks in his nose to deal with.

"I was going for more of the 'don't rape me' reaction," Chiaki laughed, "but hey, that works too."

Shinji said nothing and just pulled out the chopsticks from his nose, pouting.

"Aw c'mon, laugh with me, you know it was funny!"

"…And you're supposed to be how old?"

"You don't ask a woman her age, hasn't anyone ever told you that?"

"Yeah I know but I bet the author's just too lazy to figure out what your age is in this universe."

"So true," agreed the lunch lady. Frickin' traitor. "Anyway, here's your food. I added a little something special to help you to recover from the stuff Aya gave you earlier."

"Recover?"

"Yeah, that 'elixir' that she gave you was strong enough to kill you if not handled carefully."

Shinji's eye started to twitch out of fear. "So me barfing up my guts during gym wasn't a freak accident…?"

"You're lucky you know."

"And if I eat this soup you made me I'll go back to normal?"

"Exactly, but you might want to watch out; once you eat it you'll go back to being all fatigued like this morning."

"Hey, it's better than being on the edge of death," Shinji said happily as he took the bowl. "I guess I'd better start heading home, I'm gonna try and get some sleep before Ms. Misato starts chewing me out. Thanks for the chow Ms. Chiaki, I'll see you tomorrow."

"See ya!"

She waved to the boy as he exited the cafeteria. Chiaki laughed to herself, thinking how adorable our hero was, and resumed cleaning up. When she went to put remaining food in the refrigerator she noticed another bowl of soup.

"Oops, looks like I accidentally gave Shinji the bowl with Bob's dinner… Oh well, can't do anything about it now, I'll just give it to him the next time I see him. Well, it looks like we're eating out tonight then, hehe."

Back outside of the school, Shinji was once again, too everyone's surprise, completely and utterly lost.

"Crap," he groaned, "I'm seriously gonna have someone draw a map out for me next time I have to come to this stupid place." As he continued to walk about absent mindedly a familiar sight came into view, the basketball court. "Oh my G-! I'm like on the opposite side of the building!"

Shinji scratched his cheek in frustration and began mumbling under his breath. At least he knew where he was now. Figuring that since he had some time to kill he might as well take a well deserved break to sit down and eat some soup. In the near distance he found a bench under the shade of a tree, the perfect retreat. He approached the bench, brushed off a few fallen leaves, unwrapped the carefully sealed bowl and began to fill his stomach contentedly.

"Oh man! This stuff is frickin' awesome!" Shinji exclaimed as he proceeded to inhale the rest of the food (this was one of those scenes you just had to see for yourself). In a little less than three minutes the entire bowl of soup had disappeared. "Ah, after all that's been going on today I gotta say that that's one of the best meals I've had in like forever. Hmm, Ms. Chiaki sad that I'd go back to being all drowsy and stuff but I don't feel any different... Whatever, maybe it'll kick in later," he figured as he stood up with the empty bowl in hand.

So with a full stomach and destination set our hero resumed his trek to find the way out of the school. It wasn't until he traveled a good number of meters when he got this strange gut feeling; a feeling that told him that he probably shouldn't have eaten so quickly. Clapping his hand over his mouth, Shinji tried with all his might to keep himself from throwing up what he thought was the cure to the Viper Potion. With a most admirable effort, Shinji continued to make his way around the school using the walls for support. Unfortunately, Shinji's stomach just didn't feel like cooperating and when he turned the corner his will had completely reached its limit. In one jerked motion, Shinji completely emptied out the contents of his stomach.

"Ugh, what a waste," he moaned as he spat out some of the remnants in his mouth.

It wasn't until he wiped his mouth off with a handy tissue did he realize what he had done. He looked back to where he puked out his lunch and found it all over someone's sneakers. Afraid to see who it was, Shinji cautiously raised his head and saw the enraged face of none other than Touji Suzahara.

"The hell d'ya think yer doin'!" he screamed and flung some of the puke off his shoes.

"Aw man, I'm really sorry I didn't mean to…"

"You're sorry?" he screamed stepping over the puddle to get in Shinji's face. "First you gotta act like a little shit at gym and then you fucking puke all over me. D'ya have any idea how much these cost? And look, you messed up my pants too!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to mess up your clothes. I'll buy you some new…"

"That ain't the point! I was in a hurry to get somewhere and now I gotta go back home and change. How you gonna fix that, huh?"

"Look man, I didn't see you there. It's not like I did it on purpose."

At that moment Touji grabbed Shinji by the collar and brought his face extremely close to his. "You gettin' smart with me kid?"

"What's your problem, man? I already said I'd get you new stuff for you so just chill!"

Then Touji totally snapped and socked Shinji in the face. Since Shinji still had the Viper Potion in his system, he once again spewed out a massive amount of blood and lay on the ground, bleeding a profuse amount from the mouth.

"I ain't got time to waste on your punk ass," Touji snarled as he quickly walked away, unaware that he basically just killed the boy. "And you need some breath mints. Your puke breath reeks like ass."

Seconds later, Asuka showed up appearing as though she was looking for something. Then she spotted the bloody mess. "Shinji, what do you think you're doing?" she said. "Do you know how long I've been looking for you? There's an emergency call and the first is already heading over to NERV. Hey are you listening to me? If you're just gonna lie there looking dead all day then I'm leaving without you."

And that's exactly what she did. The dying Shinji watched as Asuka disappeared from his view and when she was gone the emergency alarm began blaring.

"Today is officially the worst day of my life…"

_**

* * *

**_

_**Random Rants After the Story**_

A/N: Remember, if there are no quotes, there is no talking

_Once again, we join the author with the mangled body of Shinji in a bikini and wig, waiting for the opportune moment to rescue her beloved puffball._

**Me: **waiting for the guards to turn around "Oh man guys, I gotta tell you about how I was literally reduced to tears the other day."

**Guards:** laughing and being stoned then pass out

**Me:** dragging the Shinji/Asuka towards the guards "So yeah, after a long while I decided to start playing Onimusha: DOD again; so what's the first thing I decide to do? Finally reach floor 100."

**Guards: **unconsciously brush off a fly as I pose Shinji/Asuka in a seductive pose against a wall

**Me: **carefully takes keys and opens cell and give Kirby a huge hug "KIRBY! I was just telling these guys about when I died at level 74 in the Dark Realm after 6 hours of work!"

**Kirby: **happily clamps onto my head and points out that we should get going

**Me: **sneaks past the guards as they begin regaining consciousness "Anywayz, I had to redo the Dark Realm after I stopped crying. It took me almost 5 whole freakin hours to get through the damn thing, a whole hour on the last ten floors, really freaking gay."

**Guards:** still stoned and start talking to Shinji thinking he's a hot chick willing to have a little fun

**Me:** jumps into a sewer hole to escape pursuers "Kirby, remind me to never do that again unless I'm reaaally bored."

**Kirby: **points out the why I shouldn't have jumped in the sewer hole

**Me:** stares straight at the danger "See, no one ever believes me when I say that sewers are home to alligators and passages for evil ninja clans..."

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_**New Feature!**_ Answer of the Day: Probably, since my legs make up most of the weight of my body... stupid thighs. But what would you need another driver's license for if you don't even have any legs? Weird-o.

_**New Feature!**_ Alternate/Deleted Scene: -On the basketball court sideline

"Look it's a giant Katamari!" The girl stabbed a finger at the sky in hopes of distracting the teacher but he did nothing but give the girl a penetrating glare. "Ohkay, lets try this again… Look it's Megatron!" Still no reaction, but the little girl refused to let that discourage her. "Look it's the principal! Look Maya's flashing you her ginormous boobies! Damn not even a flinch? Look it's Godzilla! It your mom! King Kong! Hey its Jesus! OMG, Elvis lives! It's Marilyn Manson! Panda Z! Ninja zombies throwing arms! Over there, is a bird, it's a plane, no it's spandex clad Superman! Whoa, it's Ms. Kurosawa and she's teaching the class at the pool wearing a swimsuit! Ha! You took a glance! Yeah! I got you to look! Wait til I tell Ms. Yukari that you got the hots for Nyamo! Man this is precious! Ms. Yukari is gonna…!"

"Go on," said the teacher in a demonic tone. "Go on and tell, then see what happens after that…"

"…Actually now that I think about it, why waste good minutes on such trivial details, huh?" The girl laughed nervously as she put away her cell phone.

"You're the one that tried to kill my student earlier aren't you?"

"Huh? Me? I wouldn't harm a fly, ahaha!" The girl continued to laugh as she pulled her shirt over the Beretta 8000 in the back of her pants.

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A/N: Uragh! So... much... dialogue... MAKE THEM SHUT UP! So yeah, that's chapter 8 for you, I can't believe how long it took me to get this out... Serious blockage, just look at that pathetic one shot I wrote a little while ago... actually don't read it; it makes me want to start clubbing kittens, seriously. The thing that really delayed this chap was the stupid basketball scene. I just couldn't take it anymore so I had to resort to commentary, which is really bad. I did not enjoy writing that scene, AT ALL! Can I say how weird the site is getting? Human verification, new look, but the profile pic a cool add, hehe. And what's with all this extra stuff? Random rants, questions of the day, deleted scenes… So much junk… unorganized and filthy, oh wait, that's my room. Anywayz, all reviews are greatly appreciated! Thanks for bearing through this chapter with me! 


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